Truly Alone?
I had a pretty nasty fight with my brother and my mother tonight. It was really bad. So many hurtful things were said between to three of us. I sit down now and I write this, and I think about everything that was said between us. I look back and I miss the times when we were happy, I miss having Dad around. So many bad things have happened in the past year. My brother kept bringing up my past, as if I needed him to do that, and it hurt. He kept pointing out my mistakes and belittling me. He made me feel like complete white trash. The worst part is, I am white trash and everything he said was true. The mistakes I made with him were collosal and epic. I ruined our relationship the day I had him arrested. Look at me now...I'm still where I was a full year ago....nowhere. I hate myself sometimes. Sometimes I hate every single thing about me. Who can I turn too when I feel this way? No Jamie, No Airel, No Family....I am truly alone in this am I not? I have nothing to gather strength from, nothing to lean on or to run too. I have nothing to talk to and confide in. Tonight, for the first time in so very long, I am completely and inexorably alone.