No Respect At All...
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... but he pulled through."
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, What’ll you have? I said, Surprise me. He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
FYI - Tonight, 9pm (8pm central), Comedy Central will be airing Legends: Rodney Dangerfield, featuring a documentary of his life, tributes, and rare footage.