Receiving Line
A week ago, I helped put up my art school’s senior show, wherein our graduating class of about 18 graphic designers show off their stuff.
Now that the show has been up for half a week, yesterday was our artists’ reception, the tacky little party where all the kids get to show off their work to their family and friends in the school’s main gallery.
I intentionally did not check the show out before the reception, because I wanted to have something to do that night other than stand around looking conspicuously uncomfortable. I despise parties to begin with, and I purposely did not invite any of my own friends or my geriatric family to the show. Irrespective of that fact, the show was an absolute crush of people, and the gallery was more comparable to a noisy mosh pit than an appreciation of the displayed art. I even saw people walking away in disgust because the gallery was too hot, too crowded, and too noisy for them to actually look at the work.
Early on, before it got too crowded, I did take the time to look at the show, and I was really impressed with both the quantity and the quality of what my class has produced.
On the other hand, I remain acutely disappointed with my own work. Two years ago I would have told you that I was surprised that my work was among the better stuff, but I seem to have lost a lot of ground since then. Other than photography, I don’t think I’ve done anything of decent quality in a long time, which discourages me.
In the end, only three pieces of mine were selected for the show. One was a passable magazine spread I did two years ago, another was a handmade book which I’m not entirely happy with because it had very little graphic design to it, and the third was a collaboration with three other artists, who were largely responsible for its final quality. You can peruse those pieces in this photo gallery.
With this semester ending in a week or two, the only class I have left will be a short portfolio prep course this summer. I’m still glad that I went through this program. My goal was to learn more about graphic design and address a known weakness. I think I’ve learned that I’m still definitely deficient in graphic design skills, most notably visual creativity. However, I understand the process much better, and I realize that I am capable of competent, albeit not innovative, design.
Most of my self-worth is derived from competence-nay, expertise in whatever I choose to do. For that reason, it was very challenging for me to go into art school, because I was putting myself in a position where I had to reveal a known incompetence to people with vastly more innate talent than I will ever have. It remains intensely difficult for me to admit that although I’ve been through art school, I still am not able to predictably and reliably create anything as aesthetic as many people do naturally.
However, I’m slowly coming to accept that shortcoming, and am increasingly able to objectively assess where I fall on the continuum of artistic skill. I find it’s all very reminiscent of the discussion I described in this recent LJ post about arrogance, acknowledging my own fallibility and respecting those whose skills and knowledge exceed mine. But, boy, that doesn’t make it less hard.