Eighteen of Thirteen + Fourteen
Although it’s a completely arbitrary marker, this is the time of year when people look back and take stock, with the aspiration that things might be different from this point forward.
I am entertaining that same hope this year, because the past 18 months have been pretty brutal. There have been a number of really great things, but also a hell of a lot of adversity to overcome.
I’ve already described much of it in the pages of this journal, so I don’t need to get into the details. Instead, I just wanted to list them out in bullet points… To preserve the big picture, and to share this impression of all the challenges, failures, and victories I’ve faced.
With that as introduction, here’s a list of the major stressors and changes that have come about for me in the past 18 months. They’re color coded: green is good, red is bad, and yellow is something in-between.
- Had a bike crash trying to avoid a car that ignored a stop sign. Ensuing physical recuperation, plus medical expenses and bike repair costs.
- Surpassed $100,000 in lifetime fundraising for the PMC, earning a lifetime achievement award.
- My job ended quietly after my employer being bought out. Although I did get to have another year-long sabbatical.
- Grew my hair out to normal length after 10 years clean-shaven.
- Turned 50 years old.
- Spent that birthday on a tiny Caribbean island I’d long dreamed of visiting. Some stress from the tiny eight-person commuter flight from San Juan, and a bit of loneliness that I had no one to share it with.
- Had a big misunderstanding with a friend that caused a lasting rift between me and my Kalyana Mitta spiritual friends group.
- Very emotionally intense 10-day meditation retreat at IMS, including having someone barge into my room while I was sleeping the night after they announced that a thief had broken into people’s rooms.
- Started a promising friendship and potential relationship only to have it explode in flames in my face.
- Lost my mentor, benefactor, and hero Bobby Mac to cancer.
- Stopped a ten-year hobby of tracking my spending at Where’s George.
- Committed to trying to make a relationship work with my best friend Inna.
- Survived a frigid 51st New England winter. Working on number 52 now.
- Committed to moving south, out of New England, where I’ve lived my entire life.
- Started an expensive new hobby in kyūdō, traditional Japanese archery martial art.
- Celebrated ten years of meditation practice.
- Put a lot of energy into a big project to reach out to others socially, with limited results.
- Another bike crash resulting in a mild concussion, plus another round of medical expenses and bike repair costs.
- The ER nurse botched an IV insertion so badly that a hematoma covered my entire arm, and I was unable to move it or ride for six weeks thereafter.
- Participated in my final Pan-Mass Challenge ride.
- Left my Kalyana Mitta spiritual friends support group with significantly mixed feelings.
- Pretty much ended all involvement at my meditation center, including the longstanding Experienced Practitioners group, the annual Sandwich Retreat, and my volunteering to MC the regular Wednesday night dhamma talks.
- Put my meditation practice on long-term hold.
- Took my beloved cat for vaccinations which he had a severe reaction to. Just as he seemed to be recovering, the hospital called and I was forced to tell them to let him die.
- I developed abdominal pain which took a long time and considerable expense to diagnose and treat, resulting in gall bladder removal: the first surgery of my life.
- Began renovating my condo with a goal of putting it on the market, finally undertaking several repairs I’d put off for years.
- While doing renovation, discovered that the living room drywall needed to be replaced, and there was a gaping 12-inch diameter hole from the bedroom to the outside that should have been bricked up and insulated.
- Major financial issues as a result of unemployment, mortgage, medical bills, and home renovations.
- Raided my 401k in order to fund renovations and medical bills.
- The usual self-questioning during my job hunt.
- Started a new job at Buildium, which will require me to learn quickly and prove myself again without any direct mentoring.
- Discovered that gall bladder removal didn’t address my abdominal symptoms, so will begin 2015 back on the restrictive diet and undergoing further diagnostic work, while hoping it’s not something serious.
So as you can see, I’ve had a lot to deal with, including quite a bit of negative stuff, which is happily atypical for me. It’s definitely taxed my energy, morale, and coping resources.
While my health problem is front and center, and there are more big challenges to come in the next couple years, I’m hoping that things will start going a little more smoothly. Although I don’t believe that changing the calendar has any meaningful impact, it would be nice if things started getting back on track again.
After all, I’m not used to life being quite this difficult and exhausting.