Can Anybody Find Me... Somebody to Love?
A bitter old man won the lottery;
his days of reckless living were gone.
Amassed the sum of fifty million dollars,
but he had nothing to spend it on.
He said:
I want a little girl to call my own;
don’t even care if she is ugly.
An ornament to brighten up my home:
someone to love me for my money.
All the cash I have don’t help my failing pride;
I’ve been pretty lonely ever since my wife died.
Now it’s time to find myself a brand new bride!
Having always been a creature of habit,
he turned to the classified page,
started browsing through the single ads
to find a gold-digger one third his age.
He said: Now some of these don’t look that bad,
but I know how to do this better.
Displayed his wishes in a full-page ad;
he got a couple hundred letters.
The ad said:
I’m retired, I’m bored to tears and filthy rich.
Marry me, I’ll give you all the money you want, bitch.
You love a life of luxury, so let’s get hitched.
I want someone to love
(someone to love me for my money).
I want someone to love
(someone to love me for my money).
I’m a rich man and I got a nice car,
’cos you know I won the Lotto yesterday.
He thought his prayers had all been answered;
the wedding day was drawing near.
A young (cut-rate?) material girl:
she kissed him softly, whispered in his ear:
I can’t describe to you the way I feel,
I guess that love is what you call it.
I can’t be certain that my love’s for real
until you open up your wallet.
He said:
Don’t pretend to love me, ’cos my heart won’t bleed.
All your stinkin’ sentiment: it ain’t what I need.
I don’t want affection; I just want your greed!
I want someone to love
(someone to love me for my money).
I want someone to love
(someone to love me for my money).
Let’s get hitched girl, ’cos I got a nice car
and I wanna give my money all away.
Extravagance became a necessity;
he was always there to foot the bill.
But she really put her foot in her mouth
when she suggested that he write his will.
He bellowed: Up til now I’ve been so kind
and on my kindness you depended.
But I’m not gonna give you one thin dime
if I’m not there to watch you spend it!
Ain’t you learned that nothin’ ever comes for free?
So shut your mouth, ’cos when I die I’m taking it with me.
Sprinkle all the ashes ’round a shady tree…
Gangster Fun
Someone To Love Me (For My Money)