Consultants, the Musical
Sometimes one trolls one’s archives and finds a gem. Here’s a little ditty I wrote a few years back and then promptly forgot. When I rediscovered it, I LOLed. It’s dedicated to the Consultant. I think you’ll be able to figure out the tune.
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do
I have a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee
If you are wise, you’ll listen to me.
Who do you blame when you project is late,
Timelines have slipped and the client’s irate?
Give the team a day off to catch up on sleep;
Blame the delay on client scope creep!
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-da
If you are greedy, you can go far.
Climb over clients, coworkers too,
Like the Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do!
[Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do …]
What do you get when you’re on daily rate?
Just never mention the steak you just ate!
Same for the sushi you happened to eat…
Just never turn in a detailed receipt!
[Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do …]
What do you do when your sales guy’s a slug,
Closing a deal where you firm is a sub?
Competitors makes you feel like a jerk;
Go make them look bad and steal all their work!
[Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do …]
What do you get when you drink in first class?
Puking on planes is a pain in the ass.
Pray to the gods on your final approach
That your next leg you can upgrade from coach.
Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-da
If you are greedy, you can go far.
Climb over clients, coworkers too,
Like the Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do!