some stuff
so it is summer so i should be updating more because really, i am not doing anything with my time. but, i find myself filling the time with nothingness oh so well. i should be preparing for school and blah blah blah, but i'm not. i should be figuring out why i haven't gotten my grad school stuff but i am too afraid to pick up the phone (more on that soon...) but i have come to some conclusions the past few days and would like to share them with all of you that read this, ha!
i am a very lucky girl. for a long time i thought i was the most unlucky human around. it seemed that nothing would swing my way. but last night i realized that i am loved and it made me feel spectacular.
i know that i am a shitty shitty friend and i do not blame anyone who no longer really talks to me. i have a hard time reaching out. it's like all of a sudden i became incapable of reaching out to others. and i know this is a problem, but most people see it as a choice and i promise you that it's not. i talk on the phone with several people: heidi, my mom, dan and kelly for the most part. it isn't that i don't want to talk to others, but i have some road block. i am working on fixing it. i called a couple of hotels a few days ago and that was a HUGE step for me, so perhaps... we'll see.
but i know i have several terrific friends that care about me even though i suck sometimes. elizabeth and i talked last night because she is leaving for the marshall islands (actually she left this morning) and i won't be able to talk with her for a year. and i realized that just because at one point i was friends with someone doesn;t mean i still need to be. elizabeth is a REAL friend. she would drop anything for me and i would for her, but not everyone is as fabulous and understanding as she is. i guess the moral is that i need to treasure what i have and not miss what has changed my life.
things are good, i promise.
i am a very lucky girl. for a long time i thought i was the most unlucky human around. it seemed that nothing would swing my way. but last night i realized that i am loved and it made me feel spectacular.
i know that i am a shitty shitty friend and i do not blame anyone who no longer really talks to me. i have a hard time reaching out. it's like all of a sudden i became incapable of reaching out to others. and i know this is a problem, but most people see it as a choice and i promise you that it's not. i talk on the phone with several people: heidi, my mom, dan and kelly for the most part. it isn't that i don't want to talk to others, but i have some road block. i am working on fixing it. i called a couple of hotels a few days ago and that was a HUGE step for me, so perhaps... we'll see.
but i know i have several terrific friends that care about me even though i suck sometimes. elizabeth and i talked last night because she is leaving for the marshall islands (actually she left this morning) and i won't be able to talk with her for a year. and i realized that just because at one point i was friends with someone doesn;t mean i still need to be. elizabeth is a REAL friend. she would drop anything for me and i would for her, but not everyone is as fabulous and understanding as she is. i guess the moral is that i need to treasure what i have and not miss what has changed my life.
things are good, i promise.