Stage #1: Shock
I just lost one of the most amazing men in the world. The One. The person that I dreamed of spending the rest of my life with. The person who's children I wanted to have. (Which, by the way, are things that I've always swore up and down I would never want/do. Meeting him changed everything.)
It's over. (And it feels like a nightmare that I can't wake up from.) I'm having a hard time grasping that concept. We are over.
I made the biggest mistake of my life back in November 2005 and it took 7 months for it to bite me in the ass. What I thought I had privately chastised myself enough for turned out not to be the case. I can't say "I'm sorry" enough. Even though I doubt the words matter much at this point. (And no, I did not cheat on him. Not what it is. No sir.)
And I love him. Down to my soul, I love him. I know that I always will. He is going to be the mold that I try to fit every man in for the rest of my life. Oh, how awful is that? I feel so sorry for anyone that may come along after this.
We learned so much from each other. We were good. Really good. He made me realize what true happiness felt like again. That's something that I had forgotten so long ago. I don't think I ever thanked him for that.
Oh, so many words left unsaid. It's hard to think of everything that you want to say to someone in the heat of the moment.
This mistake is the one regret that I will take with me to my grave.
This is going to be one of the hardest things I do in my life. Bear with me.