See Buttmonkey Interview
*****ville...strange experience. I was told to arrive by 9:15. I left here (grumpily and incoherent) at 6:30am after only 4 hours sleep. I not only managed to hit absurd traffic but somehow landed on the radio station that gives traffic updates every five minutes just as I did so. The five minute repeat description of how wet the water I was drowning in was ever so greatly appreciated. Nonetheless, I valiantly arrived at 9:10am after only two minor directional challenges.
That's where the bad began. I had been instructed to arrive BY (insert menace here) 9:15am and yet when I showed up at 9:10am I got treated as if I had suddenly sprouted a second head sporting a multi-colored beenie. Quick tour of campus begins at 9:30. I have received no paperwork from them. No interary. No standard form letter of doom. Nothing. No papers at all. Papers make me feel important. Decide they big meanies.
On tour I laugh to myself that their administration building is literally a fortress (technically a castle). Tour of two residence halls and RD apartments. Decide apartments are liveable. Associated director wants to know if I have questions about the benefits package. I say no, not yet. Am told by associate director that this is my first and only interview and ONLY opportunity to ask questions so ask them if I have them. I wonder if she has a machete mounted somewhere in her office.
Meet with two RA's and four RD's. Begin Interview. Begin wanting to deck the bald guy sitting across from me who looked completely bored and the snotty looking female RA that sat next to him. Remind myself that I likely look like checked out bald dude (who is beginning to look cute in that Jean Luc Picard sort of way) while interviewing people myself. Answer strange barrage of questions that includes what I do for fun. Barely contain answering with a comment about performing sexual favors. Make note to mention something about enjoying long walks on the beach if ever asked this question again. Decide snotty female RA is beginning to look cute too (in that you'd look good--stuffed--and hanging on my wall kind of way). There is a focus on how I handle micro-management. I ask them to describe the student body--they tell me that they have an entitlement complex and are apathetic. Woohoo. Just my kind of peeps. No. really.
Am pushed down the conveyor. Still no itinerary. Am facing uncertain future. Eventually herded to office to meet with Director and Associate Director. They repeat similar questions from previous interview--fortunately omitting the "fun" question. Not sure I could resist the temptation twice at this point. Go through strange interview. Focus on how I handle politics and would I boink a resident or be a tattle on colleagues who do. Still waiting for itinerary. Again pushy associate director woman insists on whether I have questions about the benefits package that Rosemarie mailed to me. Decide that "Rosemarie was supposed to mail me a benefits package?" would not satisfy the beast. Nor would a long litany of "I want job! Give me job! Job Good! Give me Job!"
No itinerary. No benefits package. These people are on a roll. Wonder if these two pieces of paper are lost somewhere in connecticut. In traffic. While a radio "personality" tells them how far till they're still not travelling at human speed. Every five minutes.
Interview ends at 11:30. Am then told they can bring me to the troff if I would like or I could simply hit the road. Is not clear to me if I would be herded where people were or dine at troff solo. Again, I long for an itinerary. I decide to simply hit the road. Troff sounds like lonely place and pushy associate director may have time to get her machete by then. Afraid of being cold cuts for next candidate who does have questions about benefits package. Director makes to give me something as I leave. My hopes soar. Itinerary? Benefits package? A pre-written formal apology for this stupidity? No. Just his business card. Giant man-tease.
Leave. Return to ***** by 1:30. Strange considering they told me interview would end at 1 or 1:30. But then with no itinerary maybe Rosemarie missread 11 as 1. I did the converse recently. I Sleep. Long time. Nightmare about pushy associate director having home address and sword sharpener.
That's where the bad began. I had been instructed to arrive BY (insert menace here) 9:15am and yet when I showed up at 9:10am I got treated as if I had suddenly sprouted a second head sporting a multi-colored beenie. Quick tour of campus begins at 9:30. I have received no paperwork from them. No interary. No standard form letter of doom. Nothing. No papers at all. Papers make me feel important. Decide they big meanies.
On tour I laugh to myself that their administration building is literally a fortress (technically a castle). Tour of two residence halls and RD apartments. Decide apartments are liveable. Associated director wants to know if I have questions about the benefits package. I say no, not yet. Am told by associate director that this is my first and only interview and ONLY opportunity to ask questions so ask them if I have them. I wonder if she has a machete mounted somewhere in her office.
Meet with two RA's and four RD's. Begin Interview. Begin wanting to deck the bald guy sitting across from me who looked completely bored and the snotty looking female RA that sat next to him. Remind myself that I likely look like checked out bald dude (who is beginning to look cute in that Jean Luc Picard sort of way) while interviewing people myself. Answer strange barrage of questions that includes what I do for fun. Barely contain answering with a comment about performing sexual favors. Make note to mention something about enjoying long walks on the beach if ever asked this question again. Decide snotty female RA is beginning to look cute too (in that you'd look good--stuffed--and hanging on my wall kind of way). There is a focus on how I handle micro-management. I ask them to describe the student body--they tell me that they have an entitlement complex and are apathetic. Woohoo. Just my kind of peeps. No. really.
Am pushed down the conveyor. Still no itinerary. Am facing uncertain future. Eventually herded to office to meet with Director and Associate Director. They repeat similar questions from previous interview--fortunately omitting the "fun" question. Not sure I could resist the temptation twice at this point. Go through strange interview. Focus on how I handle politics and would I boink a resident or be a tattle on colleagues who do. Still waiting for itinerary. Again pushy associate director woman insists on whether I have questions about the benefits package that Rosemarie mailed to me. Decide that "Rosemarie was supposed to mail me a benefits package?" would not satisfy the beast. Nor would a long litany of "I want job! Give me job! Job Good! Give me Job!"
No itinerary. No benefits package. These people are on a roll. Wonder if these two pieces of paper are lost somewhere in connecticut. In traffic. While a radio "personality" tells them how far till they're still not travelling at human speed. Every five minutes.
Interview ends at 11:30. Am then told they can bring me to the troff if I would like or I could simply hit the road. Is not clear to me if I would be herded where people were or dine at troff solo. Again, I long for an itinerary. I decide to simply hit the road. Troff sounds like lonely place and pushy associate director may have time to get her machete by then. Afraid of being cold cuts for next candidate who does have questions about benefits package. Director makes to give me something as I leave. My hopes soar. Itinerary? Benefits package? A pre-written formal apology for this stupidity? No. Just his business card. Giant man-tease.
Leave. Return to ***** by 1:30. Strange considering they told me interview would end at 1 or 1:30. But then with no itinerary maybe Rosemarie missread 11 as 1. I did the converse recently. I Sleep. Long time. Nightmare about pushy associate director having home address and sword sharpener.