you are controling my life.
Since Friday, our son has taken to saying things like "you are controlling my life"...dramatic much?
but I took this to heart, because I completely agree, after all I want him to do more for him self, so that I don't run around the whole time, yet we don't give him the opportunity.
and of course I know exactly where it comes from. I think my intelligent son has always been very good in pointing out our mistakes.
He needs more Independence and he deserves more Independence and I think only when he gets this Independence will we be able to build more trust with him and see progress with the food issues.
but, unfortunately, it takes two to Tango, and my husband and I have never agreed when it comes to such issues..and it doesn't matter what the experts say, my stubborn husband always thinks he knows best. he is the type of man that will not ask for directions (probably like most men) yet, when he drives he will take a road atlas with him, so why can't he listen to experts when they put facts in such a simple user friendly way.
Fact: The only thing children can control is their "Openings", so you find many power struggles surrounding, Potty training & Food issues.
Our own personal power struggle is with food. But my husband, raised by a control freak, hovers and frets that the child isn't getting enough nutrition and just like me every so often loses his Patience and then we spout things like "you will not grow to be tall"...but the fact is, he keeps on growing and he is rather tall.
Okay,
so I told my son, "you are right, and if you want things to change than, I need to know that when you wake up in the morning and go to bed at night we do not need to tell you to brush your teeth, you just go ahead to the bathroom and you brush your teeth.
in the morning, do you want to choose your own cloths or shall we leave them out for you?" (he said he wanted to choose), I told him that is fine, but we have to be sure that he gets ready in time. (we'll see what happens on Sunday, when summer camp starts)
I also told him that we will see what we can do about making things more accessible to him, such as cups and bowls so that he can take his own breakfast.
of course he is really interested in controlling everything, so that he doesn't have to eat things that he doesn't want to...and the fear is that he will always eat the same thing, but I don't think so, because he tends to complain when he gets the same thing...despite the small variety, and that it's all the same food group, he does still like variety.
My husband complains that all he'll eat will be crackers...well I think the answer is simple, just stop buying crackers. if it isn't around, he can't eat it, he'll need to find other things.
Personally, I think my son just provided us with a key to his psyche, he is showing us that we are over bearing. I am willing to have "faith" and let go and see what happens after a week or so of going along with him, if he holds true to his word. However, my husband is all about his way or the high way, so the only way for him to follow is if he sees an instant improvement, which will not happen, because these things take time, especially at this age.
It's the curse of the first born, not only do the parents need to teach the child, but the child needs to teach the parents.