How Not to Conquer the World (Xena; Ares, Xena/Gab; PG)
Title: "How Not to Conquer the World"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG
Summary: Ares, God of War, suffers yet another warlord idiot.
Warnings: Femme Slash, Established Relationship, Drabble
Word Count: 500
Date Written: 1 February, 2011
Challenge/Prompt: Slash The Drabble's weekly challenge involving a list of what warlords shouldn't do to be successful
Disclaimer: This version of Ares, God of War; as well as Xena, Warrior Princess, and Gabrielle are © & TM their rightful owners, none of whom are the author; are used without permission; and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
"What was that?" The warlord's wild eyes scanned his surroundings as he whipped around, sword in hand.
His accompanying God sighed inwardly and hung His proud head just a bit lower in silent acceptance of stupidity. "Let Me guess. The new guard you hired today was a woman."
"Yeah, so?" the overlord queried, casting a glance back at his God. Battle sounds suddenly filled the air. He looked back but could not yet see the cause.
"And you placed her in charge of the women prisoners," Ares stated as though doing so was the most inane sin the warlord could have committed.
"Of course! That's what the rules say."
Ares shook his head and stroked his goatee. "That is not what the rules say. When dealing with Xena, they're completely different."
"Xena? Who said anything about Xena?"
"One of your prisoners was her blonde companion. Did you really think it would be that long before she followed? Even the Elysian Fields and Tartarus could not keep those two apart! What chance did you think you had, foolish mortal?"
The overlord didn't like the way this conversation was going at all! Before he could answer, a tall, yodeling woman flipped into his court room. She threw out a silver weapon and instantly knocked down two dozen of his guards. "Hum, let me guess, that's Xena?"
Ares smirked in answer.
"No matter!" the overlord cried. "I'll cut her down to size!" He started to charge forward only to have her chakram knock his sword clean out of his hand. His weapon flew backwards and embedded itself into the wall.
Ares shook His head. "Your funeral, although, really, I should strike you down Myself for your stupidity. You've broken the two most important rules of the handbook I gave you to successfully conquer the world."
"What rules?" the overlord questioned, tugging on his sword.
"Never let Xena and Gabrielle within ten feet of each other if you've managed to capture either for that will seal your doom, and never," He fixed him with a murderous glare, "irk the God of War." He flicked His wrist and sent a fireball exploding straight into the overlord's sword.
The mortal fell backwards onto his armored butt and looked up at Him in shock. "You can't just leave me!" he cried as he felt, rather than saw, Xena's fierce gaze settle upon him.
"Oh, I'll be around," Ares said, smiling devilishly. "This is going to be too good to miss." He flickered out, His dark chuckle echoing long behind Him, as Xena flew into attacking the overlord.
This idiot had certainly earned everything she was going to do to him. Laughing, Ares enjoyed the show just as He, in secret truth, enjoyed every show Xena gave Him. The stupid mortals would never learn what He had long ago come to accept: They could neither capture the world with Xena's attention on them or dare to try to keep her from her soul mate without tasting the dirt of their world from six feet under!
The End
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG
Summary: Ares, God of War, suffers yet another warlord idiot.
Warnings: Femme Slash, Established Relationship, Drabble
Word Count: 500
Date Written: 1 February, 2011
Challenge/Prompt: Slash The Drabble's weekly challenge involving a list of what warlords shouldn't do to be successful
Disclaimer: This version of Ares, God of War; as well as Xena, Warrior Princess, and Gabrielle are © & TM their rightful owners, none of whom are the author; are used without permission; and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
"What was that?" The warlord's wild eyes scanned his surroundings as he whipped around, sword in hand.
His accompanying God sighed inwardly and hung His proud head just a bit lower in silent acceptance of stupidity. "Let Me guess. The new guard you hired today was a woman."
"Yeah, so?" the overlord queried, casting a glance back at his God. Battle sounds suddenly filled the air. He looked back but could not yet see the cause.
"And you placed her in charge of the women prisoners," Ares stated as though doing so was the most inane sin the warlord could have committed.
"Of course! That's what the rules say."
Ares shook his head and stroked his goatee. "That is not what the rules say. When dealing with Xena, they're completely different."
"Xena? Who said anything about Xena?"
"One of your prisoners was her blonde companion. Did you really think it would be that long before she followed? Even the Elysian Fields and Tartarus could not keep those two apart! What chance did you think you had, foolish mortal?"
The overlord didn't like the way this conversation was going at all! Before he could answer, a tall, yodeling woman flipped into his court room. She threw out a silver weapon and instantly knocked down two dozen of his guards. "Hum, let me guess, that's Xena?"
Ares smirked in answer.
"No matter!" the overlord cried. "I'll cut her down to size!" He started to charge forward only to have her chakram knock his sword clean out of his hand. His weapon flew backwards and embedded itself into the wall.
Ares shook His head. "Your funeral, although, really, I should strike you down Myself for your stupidity. You've broken the two most important rules of the handbook I gave you to successfully conquer the world."
"What rules?" the overlord questioned, tugging on his sword.
"Never let Xena and Gabrielle within ten feet of each other if you've managed to capture either for that will seal your doom, and never," He fixed him with a murderous glare, "irk the God of War." He flicked His wrist and sent a fireball exploding straight into the overlord's sword.
The mortal fell backwards onto his armored butt and looked up at Him in shock. "You can't just leave me!" he cried as he felt, rather than saw, Xena's fierce gaze settle upon him.
"Oh, I'll be around," Ares said, smiling devilishly. "This is going to be too good to miss." He flickered out, His dark chuckle echoing long behind Him, as Xena flew into attacking the overlord.
This idiot had certainly earned everything she was going to do to him. Laughing, Ares enjoyed the show just as He, in secret truth, enjoyed every show Xena gave Him. The stupid mortals would never learn what He had long ago come to accept: They could neither capture the world with Xena's attention on them or dare to try to keep her from her soul mate without tasting the dirt of their world from six feet under!
The End