Outrun
Ok, a couple of you know that I have started running on my lunch breaks 3 or more days a week. What only one or two of you may know, is why. Yeah, I am fat...that doesn't bother me, not nearly as much as it should. What it is about, is beating demons.
An aunt of mine just died, she was one on my mother's side. After she passed, a few cousins found me on Facebook. These are people I have seen rarely growing up, due to some feuds about property, and claims of molestation.Every last cousin I have talked to, is crazy. They are on meds. They are hurting, their spouses have spent years trying to rebuild them. They are all older than me, but all are in pain.
All of us have had abuse, in varying levels and types, from the parent that was a member of that very screwed up family.
My mom and dad nearly got busted for child abuse when I was ten. I thought fast, and kept the school from getting the state involved. I knew that if I got taken out of the home I would not have the access to my school. It wasn't long after that, that my mom started running punishments. A B on a test I should have gotten and A on started at 50 laps (up and down stairs) 50 situps, and 50 pushups. Punishments escalated from there. I was scared to ride a bike at 11, and it went from 50, 100, 300, 600, (it went up each day) run until you break. The rooms with the stairs had no AC,and I ran them in my underwear. (summer) Every so often mom would pull me off the steps and have me eat a pudding pop. I hid cups of water.
The running punishments stopped when I was 15. Mom had me undergo a bunion surgery, and had me back on the stairs. I blacked out and hit the floor after 50 laps, and quietly didn't have to do that again.
I know I am safe here....over 300 miles away from her and she cannot see what I do, or know, or care.
The only way to beat the crazy, is to deal with it head on, step by step.
I don't worry too much about what I look like. What I want, is what I came here for. To be sane, or drop trying. I want better than I am supposed to inherit. I want to be healthy, mentally and physically. I want to work out my stupid issues to be a good partner. I also want that peace, for me.
An aunt of mine just died, she was one on my mother's side. After she passed, a few cousins found me on Facebook. These are people I have seen rarely growing up, due to some feuds about property, and claims of molestation.Every last cousin I have talked to, is crazy. They are on meds. They are hurting, their spouses have spent years trying to rebuild them. They are all older than me, but all are in pain.
All of us have had abuse, in varying levels and types, from the parent that was a member of that very screwed up family.
My mom and dad nearly got busted for child abuse when I was ten. I thought fast, and kept the school from getting the state involved. I knew that if I got taken out of the home I would not have the access to my school. It wasn't long after that, that my mom started running punishments. A B on a test I should have gotten and A on started at 50 laps (up and down stairs) 50 situps, and 50 pushups. Punishments escalated from there. I was scared to ride a bike at 11, and it went from 50, 100, 300, 600, (it went up each day) run until you break. The rooms with the stairs had no AC,and I ran them in my underwear. (summer) Every so often mom would pull me off the steps and have me eat a pudding pop. I hid cups of water.
The running punishments stopped when I was 15. Mom had me undergo a bunion surgery, and had me back on the stairs. I blacked out and hit the floor after 50 laps, and quietly didn't have to do that again.
I know I am safe here....over 300 miles away from her and she cannot see what I do, or know, or care.
The only way to beat the crazy, is to deal with it head on, step by step.
I don't worry too much about what I look like. What I want, is what I came here for. To be sane, or drop trying. I want better than I am supposed to inherit. I want to be healthy, mentally and physically. I want to work out my stupid issues to be a good partner. I also want that peace, for me.