The Onion
Ogres are like onions. We have layers.
-Shrek
I'm not an ogre but I have layers, too. And slowly they're coming off.
I really believe that therapy is a blessing. I didn't realize how much I can hate and love my father at once. Love how he loves me, but hate the same question that I get every time I come home:
Are you having sex with John?
The answer's not changing.
"Dad, I am feeling frustrated being asked the same question repeadedly and I need it to stop".
Just role playing saying those words feels so liberating. For once I am not going to cave into the fear of being yelled at.
"Has he yelled at you before"?
"Yes."
"And you're still alive?"
"Yes".
It's so refreshing. I feel so much better about myself right now. It hurts, but it works, and I'd rather have to hurt now and get through my pains then to live always like I am right now.
John does NOT deserve to get yelled at. Thay boy really cares about me, and he loves me just as much. I keep realizing as I go through counseling that my fears are all silly and that I could not have a better partner.
After my enlightening session, I went to the Orthodox service at the Newman Center. It's nice there, no doctrine or sin dogma shoved down my throat, jut relaxing singing. I think that I want to be Orthodox again. I was baptized Greek Orthodox. With Fr.James, there wasn't a problem, it was just nice and informative, but a non-judgemental nutty family.
Well, this is the Ukranian Orthodox Church, St. John's. Same rules, different language. Fr. John's children are very cute.
After Service, I went wondering around in back of Newing, and I found a little river-the river actually runs underneath the school but at a certain place the drains let it out. I think that I am going to go and clean it up because there's litter all around it. Right near the waterfalls are many flat, smooth rocks to sit on. A very Zen place where I can light a candle and sit and take in the Creator's work.
So there I have it. Peace for today. Day by day.
-Shrek
I'm not an ogre but I have layers, too. And slowly they're coming off.
I really believe that therapy is a blessing. I didn't realize how much I can hate and love my father at once. Love how he loves me, but hate the same question that I get every time I come home:
Are you having sex with John?
The answer's not changing.
"Dad, I am feeling frustrated being asked the same question repeadedly and I need it to stop".
Just role playing saying those words feels so liberating. For once I am not going to cave into the fear of being yelled at.
"Has he yelled at you before"?
"Yes."
"And you're still alive?"
"Yes".
It's so refreshing. I feel so much better about myself right now. It hurts, but it works, and I'd rather have to hurt now and get through my pains then to live always like I am right now.
John does NOT deserve to get yelled at. Thay boy really cares about me, and he loves me just as much. I keep realizing as I go through counseling that my fears are all silly and that I could not have a better partner.
After my enlightening session, I went to the Orthodox service at the Newman Center. It's nice there, no doctrine or sin dogma shoved down my throat, jut relaxing singing. I think that I want to be Orthodox again. I was baptized Greek Orthodox. With Fr.James, there wasn't a problem, it was just nice and informative, but a non-judgemental nutty family.
Well, this is the Ukranian Orthodox Church, St. John's. Same rules, different language. Fr. John's children are very cute.
After Service, I went wondering around in back of Newing, and I found a little river-the river actually runs underneath the school but at a certain place the drains let it out. I think that I am going to go and clean it up because there's litter all around it. Right near the waterfalls are many flat, smooth rocks to sit on. A very Zen place where I can light a candle and sit and take in the Creator's work.
So there I have it. Peace for today. Day by day.