(no subject)

[originalspyrit]

Things have been kinda weird with me lately. I made some really hard decisions this week, and I'm still not sure if they're 100% the right ones. Tuesday, I decided to stop hanging out w/ the people I was hanging out with, and it's been harder than I thought it would be. But, despite knowing that I don't have a shot, I still care for James, and being around him hurts. Especially when he cares for someone who doesn't feel the same for him. I mean, hell, you'd think he'd take that into consideration. Oh well. It hurts, but I'll eventually get over it. I always do. More than that, I miss feeling like I had friends... I was starting to get along w/ everyone else in that group, which was awesome. And because I hate feeling hurt, I don't see them anymore. And now I keep thinking about stuff I'm missing out on, and I don't know what's the right move anymore. I told everyone I'm taking a break, so I don't want to go back on it, but I'm so effing lonely. I don't understand what i'm doing wrong, or what's wrong with me, but no one ever wants me. And I hate it. All I want is someone to hold me, ya know?

I've been different lately, too... I've been quieter, and sadder, and angrier. And I'm not an angry person, but my temper has been SO short. Even at work, sometimes I have to stop and count. That's not me. And I'm afraid people will think it IS me. I'm back to having no one, and it's mostly my fault. I really hate this.

I went to cincy yesterday, and bought some clothes and stuff. it was a lot of fun. But, I was sad. I'm always sad now. Even when I laugh, I'm sad.

Thank God for mack and erin, I don't know what I'd do w/o them.