Ch. 10 - In the end, it always ends with just Jack of Fables

[originaljackass]

[Last night, Jack stayed over at Rose's place, just like he had been for a few nights now. He'd finally worked his way into her good graces and he couldn't be happier. But when he woke up this morning, it was in an empty bed. And then he realized it was an empty room inside an empty apartment. It was like no one had ever lived there. Frustratingly

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[ voice ]

[slaying]

[ buffy's very much in the mood to be aggressive. and mean. and angry. ]

Settle? Settle?

[ voice ]

[originaljackass]

[Jack, however, is not in the mood to deal with it.]

Try not to take it personal.

[ voice ]

[slaying]

[ bad-mooding all around, then. ]

What's so settleable about it then, huh?

[ voice ]

[originaljackass]

It's not what I wanted, tonight. I'm going to pass on the banter, Buffy. I'm not in the mood.

[ voice ]

[slaying]

Well? There's a lot of anti-mood going around.

What happened?

[ she's keen to have a distraction from her own woes. ]

[ voice ]

[originaljackass]

Shit. Shit happens, Buffy. What's it to you?

[It's not like he goes digging in her personal life.]

[ voice ]

[slaying]

To me? It's someone else's shit. Which is at least twice as distracting as getting hung up on my own. And this whole conversation just kinda started to sound a little gross. Ugh.

[ voice ]

[originaljackass]

So you want to play Oprah to my problems, so yours don't seem as bad? Classy.

[ voice ]

[slaying]

...Oh, come on. Like you're the poster-boy for class in the first place.

[ then, gentler: ] I've never known you to hold back about yourself before, Horner.

[ voice ]

[originaljackass]

Even living legends like me have their personal lives, pumpkin.

[Deliberately said this time. Give her something else to be upset about.]

[ voice ] that tag requires this icon. not that...you can probably see why. it's so small.

[slaying]

...Why? Why pumpkin? I'm not a redhead. I don't grow on a vine. I don't get my eyes poked out for hilarious but kind of creepy holiday decorations.

[ voice ] I think I see a pumpkin in it.

[originaljackass]

Would you like me to come up with some kind of eye opening explanation for it? I mean, I could come up with one, just like that. It'd be good, too.

[ voice ] yes! and it's from this scene: http://vrya.net/bdb/clip.php?clip=1139

[slaying]

Fine. Create away, o-immortal-one.

[ pumpkins are depressing. :| ]

[ voice ]

[originaljackass]

Well, I told you I died once, right? Well, I'd made a deal before then with the devil, so as to save my soul from eternal damnation before then. Well, I get to heaven expecting to be welcomed in by St. Peter, but wouldn't you know it, I wasn't on the party list. I get directed to hell, where the devil says I have no place there, on account of our deal. So here I am, undead man, with no afterlife that'll take him. That devil bastard gives me one of hell's coals to light my way back to the living world.

Damn thing burned my skin, so it was literally playing hot potatoes until as luck had it, I came across a headless horseman using a pumpkin for a head. I jumped the bastard, stole his pumpkin, and put the coal in it. And that's how the Jack O'Lantern was invented.

[Yes. Jack is the reason for that story. Digest that for a bit.]

Anyway, that pumpkin was important to me. It was the light of my world. My guide through the hardest of times in my life. So. You're the pumpkin. Flattering, isn't it?

[ voice ]

[slaying]

...Don't you just know how to make a girl feel special and how to talk yourself up at the same time. Impressive.

[ but there is a distinct lack of edge to her voice; almost gratitude. ]

[ voice ]

[originaljackass]

Well I've had lots of practice.

[He's just lucky he chose such a convenient pet name.]