And now I've made my own hard bed inside this prison of words unsaid.
aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh... fuck.
it's around midnight and i can't fall asleep.
my brain won't calm down enough to let me rest.
i just keep thinking.
i'm thinking about everything and nothing all at once.
but probably mostly nothing.
it's like shakespeare's sonnet 27.
at least i think it's 27.
it's the one that goes:
"weary with toil i haste me to my bed.
the dear repose for limbs with travel tired.
but then begins a journey in my head
to work my mind when body's work expired."
something like that.
you know.
anyway...
i don't know.
i've come to the conclusion that i'm an extremely indecisive person.
that's such a bittersweet conclusion to reach.
i mean... it's the only decision i can make.
i don't know what i want.
here's your stereotypical teenager right here.
i do so much because i don't know what i want.
sometimes i'm an athlete, an actor, a singer, a dancer, a writer, a stoner, an alcoholic, a klepto, a badass, a liar, a good person, a terrible person, and sometimes i'm just here. in a black, bony, 120 pound pile of nothing.
"it'd be better if you just locked me up in jail.
at least then i'd have someone to blame.
but these bars of steel are of my making.
they surround my mind and have me shaking."
i love alicia keys.
i just feel like everything i've ever done, everything i've worked to be good at, is all going to go to waste. and i feel like it's gonna be my fault. i feel like i'm just gonna fuck up somewhere and then at my funeral they'll talk about what a bright future i had and how all my hopes and dreams got cut short.
i don't care.
but sometimes i do.
i can't make up my mind about anything.
i don't want to be a failure or a disappointment.
i want to be happy. i just want to be a happy me.
too bad me isn't doing too good right now.
i'm rambling because i can't fall asleep.
i thought this would help, but it isn't doing too much.
i hate sleep. i wish it was unnecesary and that people just did it for fun. then i would never sleep. and then where would i be?
probably someplace better.
who knows?
i felt like crying during james' second poem today.
you really do see a lot of stars from here to cincinnati.
it's around midnight and i can't fall asleep.
my brain won't calm down enough to let me rest.
i just keep thinking.
i'm thinking about everything and nothing all at once.
but probably mostly nothing.
it's like shakespeare's sonnet 27.
at least i think it's 27.
it's the one that goes:
"weary with toil i haste me to my bed.
the dear repose for limbs with travel tired.
but then begins a journey in my head
to work my mind when body's work expired."
something like that.
you know.
anyway...
i don't know.
i've come to the conclusion that i'm an extremely indecisive person.
that's such a bittersweet conclusion to reach.
i mean... it's the only decision i can make.
i don't know what i want.
here's your stereotypical teenager right here.
i do so much because i don't know what i want.
sometimes i'm an athlete, an actor, a singer, a dancer, a writer, a stoner, an alcoholic, a klepto, a badass, a liar, a good person, a terrible person, and sometimes i'm just here. in a black, bony, 120 pound pile of nothing.
"it'd be better if you just locked me up in jail.
at least then i'd have someone to blame.
but these bars of steel are of my making.
they surround my mind and have me shaking."
i love alicia keys.
i just feel like everything i've ever done, everything i've worked to be good at, is all going to go to waste. and i feel like it's gonna be my fault. i feel like i'm just gonna fuck up somewhere and then at my funeral they'll talk about what a bright future i had and how all my hopes and dreams got cut short.
i don't care.
but sometimes i do.
i can't make up my mind about anything.
i don't want to be a failure or a disappointment.
i want to be happy. i just want to be a happy me.
too bad me isn't doing too good right now.
i'm rambling because i can't fall asleep.
i thought this would help, but it isn't doing too much.
i hate sleep. i wish it was unnecesary and that people just did it for fun. then i would never sleep. and then where would i be?
probably someplace better.
who knows?
i felt like crying during james' second poem today.
you really do see a lot of stars from here to cincinnati.