(no subject)
this is probably the worst feeling that ive ever felt in my life. noone really understands me. everyone just knows that i'm sad, and that i cry. and they all say "it's going to be okay". and they don't get it. i KNOW that i'm going to be okay. i know that i won't shed tears for the rest of my fucking life. but that doesnt mean that im not going to feel this way right now. im going to be sad, im going to cry and the craziest times, and im going to hate whats happening a few times over until it finally happens. and then i'm gonna break down. i'm going to totally lose my mind, cry myself dry, and not know what to do with myself for weeks. and then i'll be okay. i know.
but what noone gets is why i'm acting this way. its not because he left on yet another fucking sailing voyage, which i hate by the way, but thats not the reason. i can deal just fine with him taking prolonged trips every now and then. its just that everytime he does, it reminds me that hes moving away for good in a months. and i just feel like the one good, real, loving, perfect, long lasting relationship that ive ever had in my life, and that i feel so strongly about, and that i KNOW would last if he had stayed or even chosen a different school to go to, is being taken away from me. its not like hes an asshole, or he cheated on me, or anything. and i dont know why everyone thinks that im supposed to just let go of someone from one day to the next when he catches his flight out in august after being so close to them for threee years, and so in love for over one. its doesnt make any sense to me. and i think its so unfair that i finally found someone who i feel i could really have something real with, no matter how young everyone says i am, has to leave for four entire years. i get that i'll move on, and i'll marry someone else. but i dont care about that right now. i care about my boyfriend. and hes just walking out of my life in a few weeks, and everyone thinks that i'm just so stupid for crying.
but what noone gets is why i'm acting this way. its not because he left on yet another fucking sailing voyage, which i hate by the way, but thats not the reason. i can deal just fine with him taking prolonged trips every now and then. its just that everytime he does, it reminds me that hes moving away for good in a months. and i just feel like the one good, real, loving, perfect, long lasting relationship that ive ever had in my life, and that i feel so strongly about, and that i KNOW would last if he had stayed or even chosen a different school to go to, is being taken away from me. its not like hes an asshole, or he cheated on me, or anything. and i dont know why everyone thinks that im supposed to just let go of someone from one day to the next when he catches his flight out in august after being so close to them for threee years, and so in love for over one. its doesnt make any sense to me. and i think its so unfair that i finally found someone who i feel i could really have something real with, no matter how young everyone says i am, has to leave for four entire years. i get that i'll move on, and i'll marry someone else. but i dont care about that right now. i care about my boyfriend. and hes just walking out of my life in a few weeks, and everyone thinks that i'm just so stupid for crying.