sex as fighting
Chris and I have always joked that we would use sex to solve our relationship problems.
Last night, we had a sort of fight about the status of our relationship.
He says:
He wants to start fresh after his deployment
He is completely committed
She says:
I need the girlfriend label lest I might be tempted to cheat even though it's not really cheating because he refuses to call me his girlfriend STILL until after the deployment, but he will be hurt/angry if something happens with someone else.
But I also don't want to get into a relationship he doesn't want.
She hasn't said:
I"M FUCKING MOVING TO TUCSON. I"LL BE LIVING IN YOUR APARTMENT WHILE YOU'RE GONE! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
My pride won't let me insist, because I refuse to be that girl. But I feel like my emotional needs about the status of our relationship are always pushed aside in leiu of what he is willing to give. It feels like forever that we've been on this push/pull. What is the big deal? What does he miss out on with me as his girlfriend? What is wrong with me that the mere word "girlfriend" inspires so much trepidation? Isn't that what we've been doing for so long?
It started out as apologetic, sweet and slow and healing-ish. But then it got sort of angry, like he was venting his frustration through sex and I was being punished for suggesting that I might be tempted to hook up with someone else.
So the verdict on this method of conflict management is out. On the other hand, it was still good sex (as always). But did it solve anything?
Last night, we had a sort of fight about the status of our relationship.
He says:
He wants to start fresh after his deployment
He is completely committed
She says:
I need the girlfriend label lest I might be tempted to cheat even though it's not really cheating because he refuses to call me his girlfriend STILL until after the deployment, but he will be hurt/angry if something happens with someone else.
But I also don't want to get into a relationship he doesn't want.
She hasn't said:
I"M FUCKING MOVING TO TUCSON. I"LL BE LIVING IN YOUR APARTMENT WHILE YOU'RE GONE! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
My pride won't let me insist, because I refuse to be that girl. But I feel like my emotional needs about the status of our relationship are always pushed aside in leiu of what he is willing to give. It feels like forever that we've been on this push/pull. What is the big deal? What does he miss out on with me as his girlfriend? What is wrong with me that the mere word "girlfriend" inspires so much trepidation? Isn't that what we've been doing for so long?
It started out as apologetic, sweet and slow and healing-ish. But then it got sort of angry, like he was venting his frustration through sex and I was being punished for suggesting that I might be tempted to hook up with someone else.
So the verdict on this method of conflict management is out. On the other hand, it was still good sex (as always). But did it solve anything?