(no subject)
things have changed quite a bit for me lately. i spent thanksgiving weekend down in naples at my mom's wedding...(very weird) but most of it was actually spent in in the 40 hours of air travel and airport time. don't get me wrong...i was very happy to be there for my mom..(she made me her maid of honor)....but it was still all pretty weird. lynn coppel. i have a step-dad. no....i don't. i have my mom's husband. that's what i have. i miss my dad. i'm so glad he finally bought a house though. i am now officially a resident of waterford, michigan. i can't wait to go "home" over christmas break. it's been so long since i've even had the holiday off of work, and now i get to spend a whole week and a half at home. not to throw a pity party, but the idea of having a place to go "home" to is pretty exciting to me. my mom's place in florida is absolutely gorgeous and the summer place on lake fenton is wonderful, but they both still seem like Bill's homes to me, not mine.
so i'm single again...surprise surprise!!!! i'm extremely happy though. i feel like a million pounds have been lifted off of my shoulders. i knew this was coming for a while now and i think he did too....i was just the only one willing to admit it. relationships are absolutely insane. it seems that one person is alway so much more into "it" than the other. i hope that one day i will find equillibrium........until then, who knows. i had the oportunity to settle down. and i mean settle. i felt like io may be missing out, but it took a brain-rattling lecture from big brother to make me realize the mistake i was making. coming from a guy who's only female love is a sheperd/husky mix, his advice may not seem important....but it meant the world to me. i have said before that i am done with relationships, and am ready to live on my own...independently, but i know that i will soon fall back into it all again. so i've decided to include a new male in my life. he's not here yet, but will be arriving soon. his name is Mick. he's a teacup yorkie, and he's about to be my new best friend. (sorry girls...i love you all, but you'll have to move over a bit for my new man) i do, however, feel like a complete piece of poo for ending what was an absolutely wonderful relationshp. but i guess sometimes you have to put your own happiness above the happiness of others. i saw myself struggling for the rest of my life. i am so sick of the struggle already.....i just couldn't accept that fate. i don't need fancy things or an extravegant lifestyle, but i need to be comfortable....and i was not.
i'm also very concerned about my future on my own. after almost five years of school, i'm really doubting that teaching is really what i want to do. i'm so incredibly sick of putting work and effort into school work that i'm not completly interested in. i love education and i love the feeling of impacting children. the jobs i've had where i was able to interact with children and make even the slightest influence in their thinking have been so incredibly rewarding. as far as i know, there is absoultely no better feeling in the world than being a factor in the learning process of young children. i can recall so many instances that were so insignificant in the realm of education....such as on one of my students finally recognizing a letter after weeks of effort, or the first word/words actually being read, not memorized, by a child......that meant so much to that child, and even more to me. a part of me wants to continue on that path and be a part of those accomplishments. but there is also a part of me that feels like teaching is too much. i don't know if i can handle the amount of work that is ahead of me. i continually think of other professions that i could pursue, where i could go to work, be creative and excel, but be done at the end of the day. i am so completely not sure of what i want to do or where i am going. i've put too much time into education to change my mind....but is a few years of extra work worth being happy with my career for the rest of my life? i can't even concern myself with a place to live next year, let alone make decisions i'll have to live with for the rest of my life.
'
well this has gone entirely too long so i guess this is the end. i am happy, truly happy with my life as it is. i just can't help but wonder if tomorrow will be as happy as today.
so i'm single again...surprise surprise!!!! i'm extremely happy though. i feel like a million pounds have been lifted off of my shoulders. i knew this was coming for a while now and i think he did too....i was just the only one willing to admit it. relationships are absolutely insane. it seems that one person is alway so much more into "it" than the other. i hope that one day i will find equillibrium........until then, who knows. i had the oportunity to settle down. and i mean settle. i felt like io may be missing out, but it took a brain-rattling lecture from big brother to make me realize the mistake i was making. coming from a guy who's only female love is a sheperd/husky mix, his advice may not seem important....but it meant the world to me. i have said before that i am done with relationships, and am ready to live on my own...independently, but i know that i will soon fall back into it all again. so i've decided to include a new male in my life. he's not here yet, but will be arriving soon. his name is Mick. he's a teacup yorkie, and he's about to be my new best friend. (sorry girls...i love you all, but you'll have to move over a bit for my new man) i do, however, feel like a complete piece of poo for ending what was an absolutely wonderful relationshp. but i guess sometimes you have to put your own happiness above the happiness of others. i saw myself struggling for the rest of my life. i am so sick of the struggle already.....i just couldn't accept that fate. i don't need fancy things or an extravegant lifestyle, but i need to be comfortable....and i was not.
i'm also very concerned about my future on my own. after almost five years of school, i'm really doubting that teaching is really what i want to do. i'm so incredibly sick of putting work and effort into school work that i'm not completly interested in. i love education and i love the feeling of impacting children. the jobs i've had where i was able to interact with children and make even the slightest influence in their thinking have been so incredibly rewarding. as far as i know, there is absoultely no better feeling in the world than being a factor in the learning process of young children. i can recall so many instances that were so insignificant in the realm of education....such as on one of my students finally recognizing a letter after weeks of effort, or the first word/words actually being read, not memorized, by a child......that meant so much to that child, and even more to me. a part of me wants to continue on that path and be a part of those accomplishments. but there is also a part of me that feels like teaching is too much. i don't know if i can handle the amount of work that is ahead of me. i continually think of other professions that i could pursue, where i could go to work, be creative and excel, but be done at the end of the day. i am so completely not sure of what i want to do or where i am going. i've put too much time into education to change my mind....but is a few years of extra work worth being happy with my career for the rest of my life? i can't even concern myself with a place to live next year, let alone make decisions i'll have to live with for the rest of my life.
'
well this has gone entirely too long so i guess this is the end. i am happy, truly happy with my life as it is. i just can't help but wonder if tomorrow will be as happy as today.