Rethtleth Legth Thyndrome
My boyfriend does the most considerate things; when I'm sleeping, he sings me lullabies such as "Gin and Juice" by Snoop Dogg. He drives to my house practically every day and puts up with my overbearing pessimism. He understands me. He knows that when I say things like, "I want to bash your head into a concrete wall", I really mean, "I love you". I never suspected that I could ever love anyone as much as I love him. Goddammit, I am not a sentimental person. Okay, I am. But fuck! I don't want people to look at me and think to themselves, "She's a sentimental person". So, from now on, I think I'm going to walk around with a paper bag over my head, just as a precaution. Because you never know who could be watching you, who could be mercilessly making assumptions about you, as if you're some kind of a pussy. I'm in love, and that makes me a pussy. Kinda. Well, it makes me more of a pussy than I used to be. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I used to be a plank-like lumberjack of a woman...a brick wall reinforced by an armada of Viking ships, if you will. Okay, that's not true at all. What I'm saying makes no sense. What the hell am I saying...
If I had one of those massive white suits that members of the Talking Heads wore during the mid-eighties, my life would be complete.
I have Restless Legs Syndrome. At least I think I do. Whenever I lay or sit down, I get the uncontrollable urge to stretch my legs and hips and sometimes my neck. Okay, my arms too. It's gotten to the point where I'm sore all of the time. Last night, I didn't get to bed until fucking five in the morning because I couldn't stop moving. When I walk down the street, I look like John Cleese. Seriously. I'm bald, I'm quite tall, and I wear a suit. Frequently.
I wish I had a radio show. I think about that a lot. I wonder what the first song I would play would be. I mean, all great mixtapes begin with the theme from "Shaft", but this is much much different from a mixtape. I'm not saying that people would actually listen to my radio show; it would just bother the hell out of me if I chose some stupid piece of crap to start of the first episode of my show. If I played something by The Residents, I'd scare people away. A Neu! song would be too long, and Elvis Costello makes most people hate themselves. Maybe I'd play that song "Monster Mash". Anyone who has seen the Halloween episode of "Freaks and Geeks" will tell you that that song brings families together at the dinner table. Do I want to do that? I mean, um, is that my goal? I really like the Clash, but I'm also obsessed with Neutral Milk Hotel. And then of course there's Radiohead. And World Inferno. Oh god, what about John Cale? And KING CRIMSON?!?!?! The Dead Kennedys are good. I like the Dead Kennedys. Fuck if I know what song I'm going to play. Fuck this.
Speaking of World Inferno, the Hamilton show was rad. Their saxophonist was drunk off his ass and kept falling on top of members of the audience as the other bands played...and, strangely enough, as his own band played. I saw him get kicked right in the head. After that, he bashed his skull on that pillar in from on the stage. All of this followed his failed attempt to stand on stage and sing for the last band on the bill before Inferno. I felt bad for him. He definitely got a concussion. I, on the other hand, got a t-shirt with a topless woman holding a squeezebox on it.
If I had one of those massive white suits that members of the Talking Heads wore during the mid-eighties, my life would be complete.
I have Restless Legs Syndrome. At least I think I do. Whenever I lay or sit down, I get the uncontrollable urge to stretch my legs and hips and sometimes my neck. Okay, my arms too. It's gotten to the point where I'm sore all of the time. Last night, I didn't get to bed until fucking five in the morning because I couldn't stop moving. When I walk down the street, I look like John Cleese. Seriously. I'm bald, I'm quite tall, and I wear a suit. Frequently.
I wish I had a radio show. I think about that a lot. I wonder what the first song I would play would be. I mean, all great mixtapes begin with the theme from "Shaft", but this is much much different from a mixtape. I'm not saying that people would actually listen to my radio show; it would just bother the hell out of me if I chose some stupid piece of crap to start of the first episode of my show. If I played something by The Residents, I'd scare people away. A Neu! song would be too long, and Elvis Costello makes most people hate themselves. Maybe I'd play that song "Monster Mash". Anyone who has seen the Halloween episode of "Freaks and Geeks" will tell you that that song brings families together at the dinner table. Do I want to do that? I mean, um, is that my goal? I really like the Clash, but I'm also obsessed with Neutral Milk Hotel. And then of course there's Radiohead. And World Inferno. Oh god, what about John Cale? And KING CRIMSON?!?!?! The Dead Kennedys are good. I like the Dead Kennedys. Fuck if I know what song I'm going to play. Fuck this.
Speaking of World Inferno, the Hamilton show was rad. Their saxophonist was drunk off his ass and kept falling on top of members of the audience as the other bands played...and, strangely enough, as his own band played. I saw him get kicked right in the head. After that, he bashed his skull on that pillar in from on the stage. All of this followed his failed attempt to stand on stage and sing for the last band on the bill before Inferno. I felt bad for him. He definitely got a concussion. I, on the other hand, got a t-shirt with a topless woman holding a squeezebox on it.