depressed mode once again...
life sucks.. well only for now because I'm a 20 year old who still don't know what she wants to do with her life.
problem number one. I want to go back to school but what do I wanna major/minor in? I have no idea. I want to do something with my life.. but what?! what?! damnit!! no fuckin idea. this problem makes me sad. I feel like such a loser. a college drop out. its such an important decision because I will put so much money on this. pay so much money for my education and what if its something I will not like?! that's why I need to kno NOW what I want to be, what career I want to pursue in. I want to be a graphic designer but I no longer have the equipment to even enhance my skills. my laptop crashed and mom gave away my pc. now I'm stuck w/ this sidekick 3. only device I have besides all the videogame consoles in my room. I want to be a voice character for some anime show/movie. haha my love for anime is so strong. if only I can find a job involvin that. I'd love it so much! I would do so much better with a job I enjoy. instead of this shithole bank that robs old people. I took a career test to see what I position I would exceed in. the results? just as I expected, creative writing, graphics designer, architect and interior designs. job I should avoid? underwriter!! haha. most definitely. well hopefully I will find the school and the job that is right for me.
problem number two? fixed! yes its true. I just recently quit my job at the bank because its too stressful. I quit before I even found another job. yes I kno I said ill quit once I find a new job but I didn't even have time to look for a new job! stupid bank hours! they pay such good money but I couldn't deal w/ it emotionally. yes u can call me weak and maybe I am, but u try workin that job for 9 hrs a day, slavin away, taking phone calls back to back with irrate customers. you don't even have time to breathe! most my calls are customers w/ problems/questions that I myself cannot fix/answer! why can't I answer their questions? because the stupid bank is always changing! all the fuckin time! seriously, nothin at bank of america stays the same. the only thing that stays the same is change. there's never a correct answer to my customers questions and I hate that shit. "why is my check placed on hold?" "why is that hold so long?" "what is that mrcv thing on my account?" "wtf is a grace period?" "when is my acc going to be closed?" then I get very angry customers screaming "I need my money! take the hold off my check!" "refund me my overdraft fees!" "now bitch!" "why am I not recievin my original checks back?!" "I'm takin my money to another bank!!" I hate never knowing what to say. ugh.. its so degradin and humiliatin! sometimes I cry about it. believe it or not. I hate it! I've never hated a job so much. I thought I'd be great sittin on my ass all day just takin phone calls but it does get tiring and wears me out by the end of the night. what else I hate about this job is my shift. yes stupid me, takin 2nd shift. I work 3pm to midnight. every day! I usually wake up around 1pm which gives me enough time to shower and get ready for work then I have to goto work and do the same shit over and over again. no time for a social life. I believe I've complained about this already on my journal. well I'm glad I took care of this problem and I'm finally leaving the bank. I'm proud of myself for puttin my 2 weeks. at least I'm leavin the bank with good terms.
now off to problem number tres. driving. its so embarassingg I don't want to say it! ok here goes.. why am I twenty years old, yet still do NOT have my driver's license? because I'm a slacker? maybe! but I'm fuckin paranoid! I get anxiety attacks all the time I'm in the driver's seat. I can't wait til the day I can tell someone "hey I had problems when I first started to drive but u just get used to it." everyones been tellin me that! when will it be my turn?! omg.. its so embarassing. I must learn how to drive asap! especially if I want to get the job I really dream of! it requires a drivers license because in "cases of emergency". I practice every night w/ my bf after I get out of work.. that's around 12:30 am! its so dark and the windows fog up because its so cold. after I'm officially gone from bank of america I will practice more during the day. some people learn how to drive as if it comes natural. well not to me. my hands shake.. I have to sit on my spongebob plushie just to see the hood. I have real huge mega gigantic problems reversing. I can't reverse in a straight line. my turns suck. ugh.. when will I learn? maybe if I get off my ass and stop complainin about it on my journal ill learn. but I can't! no one to teach me! I kno I will learn. even thou I learn slower then people do normally. I know I will. =) pray for me.
problema numero four! money. I saved up enough to goto cambodia and visit my family. but now I need to use that money for my survival here in the cruel world because I'm jobless. why can't I just be rich? I dunno. u learn how to apperciate money more once u have none. lol. well that's my 4th problem. its christmas season and I'm broke. its okay. I'm still breathing and alive. thank you god. christmas is about jesus dying on the cross for us anyways. gifts are great. but since I have no money I'd just feel bad if people give me stuff and I have nothin to show in return but my gratitude and thankfulness. lol.. oh well maybe next year I can finally afford to give my family and loved ones really expensive and rad gifts. not this year. maybe next year. things will still be okay.
time to go get ready for another dreadful 9 hrs of work at the bank. I'm not lookin foward to it. it was nice ventin out to my journal though. but it seems the only time I ever write here is when I'm feeling down.
problem number one. I want to go back to school but what do I wanna major/minor in? I have no idea. I want to do something with my life.. but what?! what?! damnit!! no fuckin idea. this problem makes me sad. I feel like such a loser. a college drop out. its such an important decision because I will put so much money on this. pay so much money for my education and what if its something I will not like?! that's why I need to kno NOW what I want to be, what career I want to pursue in. I want to be a graphic designer but I no longer have the equipment to even enhance my skills. my laptop crashed and mom gave away my pc. now I'm stuck w/ this sidekick 3. only device I have besides all the videogame consoles in my room. I want to be a voice character for some anime show/movie. haha my love for anime is so strong. if only I can find a job involvin that. I'd love it so much! I would do so much better with a job I enjoy. instead of this shithole bank that robs old people. I took a career test to see what I position I would exceed in. the results? just as I expected, creative writing, graphics designer, architect and interior designs. job I should avoid? underwriter!! haha. most definitely. well hopefully I will find the school and the job that is right for me.
problem number two? fixed! yes its true. I just recently quit my job at the bank because its too stressful. I quit before I even found another job. yes I kno I said ill quit once I find a new job but I didn't even have time to look for a new job! stupid bank hours! they pay such good money but I couldn't deal w/ it emotionally. yes u can call me weak and maybe I am, but u try workin that job for 9 hrs a day, slavin away, taking phone calls back to back with irrate customers. you don't even have time to breathe! most my calls are customers w/ problems/questions that I myself cannot fix/answer! why can't I answer their questions? because the stupid bank is always changing! all the fuckin time! seriously, nothin at bank of america stays the same. the only thing that stays the same is change. there's never a correct answer to my customers questions and I hate that shit. "why is my check placed on hold?" "why is that hold so long?" "what is that mrcv thing on my account?" "wtf is a grace period?" "when is my acc going to be closed?" then I get very angry customers screaming "I need my money! take the hold off my check!" "refund me my overdraft fees!" "now bitch!" "why am I not recievin my original checks back?!" "I'm takin my money to another bank!!" I hate never knowing what to say. ugh.. its so degradin and humiliatin! sometimes I cry about it. believe it or not. I hate it! I've never hated a job so much. I thought I'd be great sittin on my ass all day just takin phone calls but it does get tiring and wears me out by the end of the night. what else I hate about this job is my shift. yes stupid me, takin 2nd shift. I work 3pm to midnight. every day! I usually wake up around 1pm which gives me enough time to shower and get ready for work then I have to goto work and do the same shit over and over again. no time for a social life. I believe I've complained about this already on my journal. well I'm glad I took care of this problem and I'm finally leaving the bank. I'm proud of myself for puttin my 2 weeks. at least I'm leavin the bank with good terms.
now off to problem number tres. driving. its so embarassingg I don't want to say it! ok here goes.. why am I twenty years old, yet still do NOT have my driver's license? because I'm a slacker? maybe! but I'm fuckin paranoid! I get anxiety attacks all the time I'm in the driver's seat. I can't wait til the day I can tell someone "hey I had problems when I first started to drive but u just get used to it." everyones been tellin me that! when will it be my turn?! omg.. its so embarassing. I must learn how to drive asap! especially if I want to get the job I really dream of! it requires a drivers license because in "cases of emergency". I practice every night w/ my bf after I get out of work.. that's around 12:30 am! its so dark and the windows fog up because its so cold. after I'm officially gone from bank of america I will practice more during the day. some people learn how to drive as if it comes natural. well not to me. my hands shake.. I have to sit on my spongebob plushie just to see the hood. I have real huge mega gigantic problems reversing. I can't reverse in a straight line. my turns suck. ugh.. when will I learn? maybe if I get off my ass and stop complainin about it on my journal ill learn. but I can't! no one to teach me! I kno I will learn. even thou I learn slower then people do normally. I know I will. =) pray for me.
problema numero four! money. I saved up enough to goto cambodia and visit my family. but now I need to use that money for my survival here in the cruel world because I'm jobless. why can't I just be rich? I dunno. u learn how to apperciate money more once u have none. lol. well that's my 4th problem. its christmas season and I'm broke. its okay. I'm still breathing and alive. thank you god. christmas is about jesus dying on the cross for us anyways. gifts are great. but since I have no money I'd just feel bad if people give me stuff and I have nothin to show in return but my gratitude and thankfulness. lol.. oh well maybe next year I can finally afford to give my family and loved ones really expensive and rad gifts. not this year. maybe next year. things will still be okay.
time to go get ready for another dreadful 9 hrs of work at the bank. I'm not lookin foward to it. it was nice ventin out to my journal though. but it seems the only time I ever write here is when I'm feeling down.