(no subject)
Just wanted to keep this for my self & this is the only place I can really store everything I want to remember.
Stephen,
You know what’s funny? I’ve known you since freshman year, the year we both know I couldn’t stand you, I probably even abhorred you. Sophomore year came, at least this year I could talk to you without getting the least bit annoyed. Then junior year, the year where I think we both came to the realization that we’ve become very good friends. I made so many memories with you that I know I’ll remember for a long time - you riding that broken stool; or that little sound you made, where Neil and I would do those dirty motions; or to you playing with my hair and messing up my curls, even though I never even cared.
Now here we are, four years later, the one year we don’t have a class together. We rarely even see each other, and it’s this year where I’ve thought about you the most. I miss not being able to know that I’ll see you every day at lunch, and the times that you weren’t there, our whole table was silent. I miss your energy, I miss how you said the most ridiculous things to make me laugh, and I miss so much about our friendship.
And now, the one year I never get to see you is the one year I find myself wanting to be with or even near you. It’s funny that I’ve known you for so long, yet never even realized that it was you I wanted to be with. You make me feel so good about myself. I mean, you’re the only person who I can remember that actually said what they thought about me. I can remember the exact place we both were when you would say that you thought I was pretty, even if you really didn’t mean it. And even if you didn’t mean it, your words still made me feel a bit better about myself.
So, this is the only way I can think of telling you how I feel. I sure know that no matter how good of friends we are, I can’t go up to talk to you because I get shy around guys who I have feelings for. But, I just needed to let you know that I truly do think you’re a wonderful person and friend, and someone I honestly think has done true greatness in my life.
So yeah, instead of having Quinny or whoever else talk to you about me, I’ve decided that through my writing, this is the only possible way I can do it, without me getting choked up. I don’t understand why it’s taken me four years to notice that I really do have feelings for you, something that may come as a shock to you. But anyway, I understand if you don’t feel the same about me. I mean, we rarely talk or see each other, so it’s possible the feelings are one sided. I just needed to let you know this. Sorry I couldn’t give this to you in person. Like I said, I get really anxious and nervous, so it wouldn’t be a good thing for me to come up to you. I mean, I can’t even look you in the eye whenever I see you, or I just blush. Yeah, I’m silly. Anyway, I’ll see you around. Just remember, everything I’ve written in here has been completely sincere, and you truly are one amazing person.