(no subject)
I've been unemployed now for over a month. It's been a grueling, drunken, awesome roller coaster of emotions and life choices. One day I'm extremely happy to not be in that terrible store anymore, the next I'm wondering what I'm doing with my life.
Last night, I had a moment of clarity. And I realize now that clarity doesn't have to mean that you've come to some huge conclusion about your life and where you're headed, I think sometimes it can just be that moment that you realize how damn fortunate you are to be on this earth. It was about 4:30 AM. I had been out with some new girl friends all night after telling the guy I was seeing that I just wanted to be friends, and ended the night with a beer and Netflix in bed. After my show ended, I still had half a beer. So I finished drinking it and just looked around my room. I smiled. For no reason. All alone, just broke up with someone, and I'm smiling. I finally saw how lucky I was... I have overcome so many obstacles and this one is the best. I used to be so afraid to be alone, physically. I've never minded not being in a relationship, but I always felt so afraid to be alone with my own thoughts. I never feel that way anymore, now I crave that alone time just as much as I crave being social. Realizing that last night, really feeling it, was the greatest thing I've ever done.
Now, I'm not saying I'm done growing. I am obviously still a little depressed about not having a job and bring broke right now, I find it hard to get out of bed without a reason. BUT I am starting school in April and I know that will help me. Things are looking up for me, even just in the slightest way. My next obstacle after school is going to be to figure out how to deal with opening a store and also doing what I want in school...
Last night, I had a moment of clarity. And I realize now that clarity doesn't have to mean that you've come to some huge conclusion about your life and where you're headed, I think sometimes it can just be that moment that you realize how damn fortunate you are to be on this earth. It was about 4:30 AM. I had been out with some new girl friends all night after telling the guy I was seeing that I just wanted to be friends, and ended the night with a beer and Netflix in bed. After my show ended, I still had half a beer. So I finished drinking it and just looked around my room. I smiled. For no reason. All alone, just broke up with someone, and I'm smiling. I finally saw how lucky I was... I have overcome so many obstacles and this one is the best. I used to be so afraid to be alone, physically. I've never minded not being in a relationship, but I always felt so afraid to be alone with my own thoughts. I never feel that way anymore, now I crave that alone time just as much as I crave being social. Realizing that last night, really feeling it, was the greatest thing I've ever done.
Now, I'm not saying I'm done growing. I am obviously still a little depressed about not having a job and bring broke right now, I find it hard to get out of bed without a reason. BUT I am starting school in April and I know that will help me. Things are looking up for me, even just in the slightest way. My next obstacle after school is going to be to figure out how to deal with opening a store and also doing what I want in school...