"swimming in saltwater"
So, pretty much radio silence from me since May. The lack of activity really isn't restricted to Livejournal, unfortunately. So what has actually happened within the last 3 and a half months?
Well, I have been ill. That's probably the big ticket news. No real idea what it is yet, but it's been going on since May - which was the last time I went into work. At first both I, my friends and my doctor thought it was stress-related. It's been no secret that since I took on a new role at work in January my job has been one long sequence of assholes and teethgrinding stupidity. So it didn't seem unreasonable that this would be the case, especially considering the generally shitty private life I have had for the previous 12 months or so.
As time has sped by though, stress is looking increasingly unlikely. Or maybe it started with stress, and has transformed into something else. I don't know at this stage. I have had all sorts of tests so far - ECG and various blood tests for the most part. This week I am having further steroid blood tests and X-rays. Fingers crossed something will be identified soon from my happy-go-lucky grab-bag of unpleasant symptoms. They currently leave me more or less useless and unable to do most things. Even the relaxing things I should be able to enjoy at home are difficult. Amongst other (more physical) things, I find it hard to concentrate. This makes relatively simple activities like reading and writing quite challenging.
One positive is that I have managed to obtain Voluntary Redundancy in the latest round of redundancies at my work. This might not seem like a positive, but since I have slowly come to loathe my job and receive a moderately nice payoff for this I am happy with it. It is still in the process of being confirmed and worked through, but come December or thereabouts I should be free. Assuming I will be back to good health by then, it may be time to actually start doing something I enjoy and care about for a living.
And whatever that will be, it will take place in York - since I moved back here right as the illness was kicking off, in early June. The move itself was only moderately nightmareish, considering how incapable of real exertion I was (and still am). That was mostly thanks to foxy76, who has been so supportive.
It has been pretty surreal to move somewhere else when I have already been breaking my routine completely through being sick. It has felt like shifting to a different life entirely, especially given an almost complete lack of contact from old friends. It's in sharp contrast to foxy76's friends actually, who have all seemed far more concerned for me than many of my own. That isn't aimed at anyone and I certainly don't want this to come across as a pram/toys/pavement type whinge. But in truth, the main reason I am writing this despite the difficulty is because I feel pretty damn isolated. Nothing like a good scream into the void of the internet to fix that, eh? Probably my own fault anyway - I doubt I have let on to many people just how broken I am.
And on that cheery note - I am trying to build focus over the coming days and weeks, one element of which will be an increased effort in writing. I will finish my song list thing that I had been posting here, I will write material for ATCB, I will slowly swing my life back on track one grinding step at a time.
Well, I have been ill. That's probably the big ticket news. No real idea what it is yet, but it's been going on since May - which was the last time I went into work. At first both I, my friends and my doctor thought it was stress-related. It's been no secret that since I took on a new role at work in January my job has been one long sequence of assholes and teethgrinding stupidity. So it didn't seem unreasonable that this would be the case, especially considering the generally shitty private life I have had for the previous 12 months or so.
As time has sped by though, stress is looking increasingly unlikely. Or maybe it started with stress, and has transformed into something else. I don't know at this stage. I have had all sorts of tests so far - ECG and various blood tests for the most part. This week I am having further steroid blood tests and X-rays. Fingers crossed something will be identified soon from my happy-go-lucky grab-bag of unpleasant symptoms. They currently leave me more or less useless and unable to do most things. Even the relaxing things I should be able to enjoy at home are difficult. Amongst other (more physical) things, I find it hard to concentrate. This makes relatively simple activities like reading and writing quite challenging.
One positive is that I have managed to obtain Voluntary Redundancy in the latest round of redundancies at my work. This might not seem like a positive, but since I have slowly come to loathe my job and receive a moderately nice payoff for this I am happy with it. It is still in the process of being confirmed and worked through, but come December or thereabouts I should be free. Assuming I will be back to good health by then, it may be time to actually start doing something I enjoy and care about for a living.
And whatever that will be, it will take place in York - since I moved back here right as the illness was kicking off, in early June. The move itself was only moderately nightmareish, considering how incapable of real exertion I was (and still am). That was mostly thanks to foxy76, who has been so supportive.
It has been pretty surreal to move somewhere else when I have already been breaking my routine completely through being sick. It has felt like shifting to a different life entirely, especially given an almost complete lack of contact from old friends. It's in sharp contrast to foxy76's friends actually, who have all seemed far more concerned for me than many of my own. That isn't aimed at anyone and I certainly don't want this to come across as a pram/toys/pavement type whinge. But in truth, the main reason I am writing this despite the difficulty is because I feel pretty damn isolated. Nothing like a good scream into the void of the internet to fix that, eh? Probably my own fault anyway - I doubt I have let on to many people just how broken I am.
And on that cheery note - I am trying to build focus over the coming days and weeks, one element of which will be an increased effort in writing. I will finish my song list thing that I had been posting here, I will write material for ATCB, I will slowly swing my life back on track one grinding step at a time.