these grass stains on my knees wont mean a thing
I'm tired. I'm an emotional mess with everyone elses shit thrown on top. Leave me alone. I cant answer your questions. I dont tell you the truth. She used you? Do you understand. You are not getting back with her. Dont follow me around at my work crying to me. I cant solve your problems. I can barely keep my self from going crazy. I mean I want to run. I want to get away from everyone and everything and be free. I'm tired. I dont want to hear about your problems anymore, I dont want to explain mine to you. Just now that if i even explained half my problems to you that I hide you wouldnt know what to say. No one knows the truth of what I have went through. Not even my mom who was there for most of it. I hide things from myself. I cant solve your problems. If you dont want your medication then there is nothing I can do. You are digging your own grave. Stop asking me whats wrong. If I told you the truth you wouldnt know what to do. Let me have my 30 minutes were I dont feel like talking and I will go back to the happy smiley make everyone feel better ashley. You dont know what to do when I'm not that person. I cant tell you things because it hurts me for to long afterwards and talking about it only makes the pain hurt more and theres nothing anyone can do. I've moved on. I'm tired.stressed. worried.numb.emotionless.loveless mess. I just want to get away from everything and start a life of my own were when I speak of these things i have proved everyone that told me what iw as not or how worthless i was, wrong. "I never said I'd take this lying down, but I've crawled home from worse than this" My life is realtively easy now. Except for my hell of a job. Nothing is holding me back except myself. I'm alone but for the first time okay with that. I'm strong and you cant break me. Everyone throws there problems on me because i can be a cold heartless bitch. I speak the truth and thats it. Yet the way I see things may not be the best way for you. I faced everything on my own with paper and a stuffed animal. You may face it with public tears and cutting. I'm not that way. So your "big" problems that i dealt with a long time ago seem like something stupid to me. I can give you the advice, but its not what you wanted. Its the way to the quickest solution. Its not painless, but there is no sugarcoating to it. I'm not into a friendship that isnt honest. I cant handle another relationship were i'm the crutch that you drain to nothing. I'm not into going into staying home sick because i have hives and cant stop shaking. I've grown hard to so many things. Yet in some ways things will stab down into me like no one else but I wont say anything. The paper will be the silent witness to the thousands of ideas running through my head.
So someone needs to steal me away from the crap that bogs me down and leaves me in a mood that sinks me everytime I start smiling and laughing. I need an escape from this place. I cant speak to most of my family without feeling like crap. I cant speak honestly of the truth of the realtionship of the men in my family and how i have come to the realization of what these men that are supposed to protect me will never really live up to there role. I have accepted that, but telling people hurts because its letting people know how i have had to let go. So steal me away from myself for a day a year and I can breathe. Steal me away from everyones crap and let me be free from the life that is dragging me down.
So someone needs to steal me away from the crap that bogs me down and leaves me in a mood that sinks me everytime I start smiling and laughing. I need an escape from this place. I cant speak to most of my family without feeling like crap. I cant speak honestly of the truth of the realtionship of the men in my family and how i have come to the realization of what these men that are supposed to protect me will never really live up to there role. I have accepted that, but telling people hurts because its letting people know how i have had to let go. So steal me away from myself for a day a year and I can breathe. Steal me away from everyones crap and let me be free from the life that is dragging me down.