Drabble: The Persistence of Loss
Drabble: The Persistence of Loss
Paring: Eduardo/Mark
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not true, no profit made.
Author's Note: Title taken from the Nine Inch Nails song.
Sometimes Mark has to crawl on top of Wardo at 3am when he has started back into wakefulness after another dream that constricts his chest with longing and despair and everything that has gone wrong, everything he ruined.
He has to lean his forehead against Wardo's collarbone and even out his breathing (herculean task), remind himself that Wardo is here, that he has been forgiven, miraculously, incomprehensibly, through some giant karmic fuck-up. He doesn't understand how he could have been so lucky and he often feels he can't risk to even think about it for fear that everything will fall apart again if he stares too hard. So he looks sideways, slyly, carefully, at his own life, hoping it won't notice.
Mark doesn't know if Wardo understands what brings on these panic attacks, but he is grateful that Wardo doesn't question them, just puts his arms tight around Mark's back and holds on until Mark can say, Alright. It's alright. I'm alright.