FIClet: Nine Concentric Circles (6/9)
FIClet: Nine Concentric Circles (6/9)
Pairing: Andrew Garfield/Jesse Eisenberg
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not true, no profit made.
The sixth circle is his allowing his molecules to re-arrange themselves a tiny little bit around the challenge of maybe potentially admitting to something akin to a feeling not unlike desire.
He's not stupid. Okay, he is stupid about a lot of things, but he is not stupidstupid. He can intellectually appreciate that Andrew is highly desirable. Talented, funny, articulate, caring, gauche sometimes but only ever in an endearing way, and yes, tall and lean and handsome and sexy and yes, there are the bambi eyes and the tousled hair and also his lips and his long slim fingers and his easy grace. Desirable. Quod erat demonstrandum.
So. Jesse is not stupid. He is also, to the best of anybody's knowledge, human. Nothing will ever beat the cringetasticness of being told by a kindly child psychiatrist that "it's okay to be a sexual being", but while he still shudders at the memory, he is grateful for the information.
He just wishes that there was no need for these two facts to collide. Andrew can be desirable, alright, over there. Jesse can be a sexual being, fine, but only way over there. But now there's a crazy Venn diagram of overlapping desirability and sexual beingness and it makes Jesse short of breath at inopportune moments and prone to losing his wits. It makes him smile stupidly and wonder why he is staring at the frozen pizzas in the 7-Eleven when surely he meant to go to the bank. It makes him think "Andrew, it's Andrew," when the phone rings, and then, "It's not Andrew, of course it's not Andrew," as he goes to pick up the receiver and then, "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, this is a sign," when it is Andrew after all.
He knows other people call it bromance, but this is not what they mean.
The sixth circle is thinking that maybe desire isn't quite honest enough a word for what he's feeling.