Something to put inside you to give the illusion of life
Title: Blues Like Me (53/56)
Author: Logan
Pairing: Billie/Mike
Rating: R
Previous Parts: (found here)
Summary: “E--everyone looks at me like…like they know it’s my fault."
Billie Joe inhaled sharply as his oldest daughter walked up to him and shoved an old, worn-out picture into his hand. He knew what it was the minute it touched his fingers and he was this close to shoving the four-year old away when he realized that pushing his child was considered to be child abuse.
It wasn’t that Calico wanted to hurt her mommy. She was just angry that no one was paying attention to her and she wanted someone to pay attention. Even if it was just to get mad at make her go on time-out. At least then she could go play in the playroom on the second floor of her grandma’s house. So she went and found the picture and decided to give it to her mommy because she knew that he would get sad. Or angry. Or something.
“Why is my brother not here? It’s his birthday too!”
“C--ca--Mike…” Billie whispers out the name before yanking the old ultrasound photo out of his daughter’s hand, “You--where--Callie--”
The little girl put both hands on her hips and glared into her mother’s eyes, “Where is he?”
“Y--you know where he is, Callie…” Billie squeezed his eyes shut as one hand flew to his suddenly extremely queasy stomach, “What the fuck is wrong with you today?”
His eyes flew open just in time to see the hurt flash across his baby girl’s face. His mouth dropped open as he tried to think of ways to take it back because he didn’t mean it, she was just…acting weird today. When her eyes filled up with tears, Billie cursed loudly and shoved the ultrasound picture into the back pocket of his jeans.
“Callie, I--I’m sorry. Just…” Billie bit down on his tongue as he felt the tiny hands push him away with a few small hits, “What the fuck, Calico? You can’t hit me!”
He bit down on his lip the moment the words slipped through his lips. What the fuck was up with her? More like, what the fuck was up with him? He picked her off of the ground, ignoring the hands hitting him as he searched his mother’s backyard for his boyfriend.
“Putmedown! Down! Doooown!”
Billie was close to losing it by the time he reached Mike, “There. Go play with your dad.”
Mike raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, taking the armful of kicking four-year old and allowing Billie to step backwards.
“I hate you, mommy! You’re a mean mean mean mommy!”
Billie’s eyes flashed angrily as he stepped closer to the two of them. He made sure Calico could see his eyes before muttering, “Don’t. You do not say things like that.”
Calico stuck out her tongue in response, hiding her face against Mike’s chest when her mommy’s eyes turned even angrier, “Daddy!”
Billie turned around and walked back into the house before Mike had a chance to say anything. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him but he could care less. Sure, he’d just lost it on his baby girl for no reason but if she was having issues with today then couldn’t he have a few of his own?
He pushed past his mother and the babbling one-year old in her arms to run up the stairs and into the space that used to be his bedroom. It looked different. New furniture and new colours. Billie hated it. He wanted to use his two hands and rip apart everything in the room.
His eyes grew in size and he swore under his breath as he realized what his mother cleaning the room meant. Flying off of the bed he dragged the desk chair over to the closet and climbed on top of it. Standing on his tip-toes he reached one arm across the shelf that ran across the top of the closet and felt around until his hands hit the tiny shoebox tucked into the corner.
His hands trembled in anticipation as he opened the small box and searched through its contents to find what he was looking for. Once he found it he shoved it in his pocket and pushed the box back onto the shelf in the closet. He didn’t want to look at it. That box housed Calico’s first ever shoes and he didn’t want to think of his daughter right now. Not while she was outside hating him.
Pulling the bedroom door open and slamming it shut, he hurried into the bathroom where he dug around in his pockets and retrieved what he had just grabbed.
He pulled out the ultrasound photo too and tossed it onto the bathroom floor.
He stared at his reflection in the mirror before giving himself the finger and transporting his mind back to that time four years ago. Back when his baby was a baby and he was just confused and angry as fuck.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“What the hell is your problem?”
Billie groaned as Mike pulled him around the side of the house and pushed him up against the wall, “Get off me.”
Mike grabbed onto Billie’s chin and forced him to look up, “Why the hell were you swearing at Callie? What the fuck did she do? She’s not telling me and I’m assuming it was something terrible for you to scare her like that.”
“S--she gave me…asked me about him…ultrasound photo.”
“You are making zero sense right now,” Mike’s hands reached to pull the sunglasses off of his boyfriend’s face only to be slapped away, “What the fuck, Billie Joe?”
“I need to…we need to go back…Olivia…” Billie stuttered, wanting to hit himself at how much of an idiot he sounded. He squirmed out of Mike’s grasp and sprinted back into the yard. His head was spinning and he felt like puking but at the same time he had never felt so alive.
Mike was close behind his boyfriend, his hand curling around Billie’s arm and pulling him back into the shade on the side of the house. He ripped the sunglasses off of Billie’s face and shoved the smaller boy into the house, “You--you stupid fucking--fuck! Are you fucking serious right now?”
Billie fumbled for the glasses, shoving them back onto his face to cover his glassy eyes, “What? What’s wrong?”
“You’re an idiot. And I’m an idiot. How long, Billie Joe? How long has this been going on again?”
Billie shook his head and slid down so he was sitting on the ground. He thought long and hard about what he was going to say before speaking, stutter-free, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Mike’s lips curled in disgust as he sat down next to his boyfriend, “You…are…high. I’m not an idiot.”
Billie continued shaking his head and inched away from Mike, “I--no--not high--Mike…”
“I don’t want to hear any excuses right now, Billie Joe,” Mike stood up, roughly pulling Billie up as he did so, “You’re going to come out there with me and fucking stay with me for the rest of the night. You are going to act as normal as you can and we’ll talk about this later.”
“Talk about what?” Billie pursed his lips in concentration and followed Mike back into the yard. They got a few looks as they walked past and Billie had to refrain from offering everyone his middle finger, “‘m not high.”
“And I’m not an idiot,” Mike curled his arm around Billie’s waist, his fingers playing with the cool, damp skin of his lower back. That, coupled with the eyes, was enough to tell him that Billie was high. And it wasn’t just something as little as weed.
Billie’s eyes filled up with tears and he hiccupped before wrenching away from Mike’s arms, “Fuck you.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Billie was pacing around his old bedroom when the tears really began to start. He grabbed onto the closet thing, a lamp, and tossed it across the bedroom. He barely even winced as it hits the wall with a smash and the pieces fell to the ground. A pillow followed. Followed by a glass of water that he had poured before running upstairs. He continued to hurl things at the wall, listening as they broke or fell with a thump.
No one else was inside. He could be as loud as he wanted to be.
He ripped through the closet and grabbed at the piles of shit that were up on that shelf. He tossed them around too. It was full of old pieces of his life. Old school assignments and books that he never read. A few things that belonged to Callie when she was a baby. And that damn shoebox.
He was searching through the box, not quite sure what he was looking for, when his eyes fell on yet another ultrasound picture. This one was older but in better shape than the one of the twins. Callie. Back when she was growing inside of him, causing his stomach to expand and his mind to go insane with fear, worry, happiness, anger, and so many other things.
He threw the shoebox, watched as it fell onto the bed and the few contents that were in it landed on the covers. Of course he would be messed up enough to keep a fucking ultrasound photo in his drug box.
He screamed, into a pillow so no one would hear, and began to sob. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying anymore but all he knew was that the scars from his c-section were throbbing with pain and he felt like he was burning up and going to puke at any moment.
The sound of the door opening didn’t register in his mind and he didn’t notice the other person until two arms wrapped around him and pulled him off of the ground. Only once he was standing on two shaky legs did he make sure to toss his sunglasses onto the ground and curl his arms around his boyfriend’s equally shaky body.
“You’re right, Mikey. Oh, fuck you for being right,” Billie sobbed into his chest, “I’m so fucking high right now. But it’s only the first time. An--I--and I just couldn’t do it.”
Mike said nothing. He wanted to say something. He wanted to scream and yell and push Billie onto the ground. But he knew that that would only cause a bigger fight. Besides, there was glass all over the floor and, as angry as he was, he didn’t want his boyfriend falling and getting cut.
“E--everyone looks at me like…like they know it’s my fault. He’s supposed to be here too! C--she’s right. He’s supposed to be here,” Billie coughed and curled himself tighter around Mike, “Why isn’t he here? Oh god, Mike, why isn’t he here?”
It took all of Mike’s willpower to not breakdown and cry like Billie. He buried his face into Billie’s dark hair and sighed heavily. He didn’t know what to say to calm down the smaller boy. He didn’t think that there was anything he could say to calm him down.
So he just hugged him tighter and bit down on his lower lip. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. How they’re going to get through the rest of the day, the rest of their daughter’s first birthday, was the only question on his mind.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Oh shit, sorry guys.
But don't worry...do you think I could end this story like this?
Or maybe I can...?
>:D
<3333
( Next Part )
Author: Logan
Pairing: Billie/Mike
Rating: R
Previous Parts: (found here)
Summary: “E--everyone looks at me like…like they know it’s my fault."
Billie Joe inhaled sharply as his oldest daughter walked up to him and shoved an old, worn-out picture into his hand. He knew what it was the minute it touched his fingers and he was this close to shoving the four-year old away when he realized that pushing his child was considered to be child abuse.
It wasn’t that Calico wanted to hurt her mommy. She was just angry that no one was paying attention to her and she wanted someone to pay attention. Even if it was just to get mad at make her go on time-out. At least then she could go play in the playroom on the second floor of her grandma’s house. So she went and found the picture and decided to give it to her mommy because she knew that he would get sad. Or angry. Or something.
“Why is my brother not here? It’s his birthday too!”
“C--ca--Mike…” Billie whispers out the name before yanking the old ultrasound photo out of his daughter’s hand, “You--where--Callie--”
The little girl put both hands on her hips and glared into her mother’s eyes, “Where is he?”
“Y--you know where he is, Callie…” Billie squeezed his eyes shut as one hand flew to his suddenly extremely queasy stomach, “What the fuck is wrong with you today?”
His eyes flew open just in time to see the hurt flash across his baby girl’s face. His mouth dropped open as he tried to think of ways to take it back because he didn’t mean it, she was just…acting weird today. When her eyes filled up with tears, Billie cursed loudly and shoved the ultrasound picture into the back pocket of his jeans.
“Callie, I--I’m sorry. Just…” Billie bit down on his tongue as he felt the tiny hands push him away with a few small hits, “What the fuck, Calico? You can’t hit me!”
He bit down on his lip the moment the words slipped through his lips. What the fuck was up with her? More like, what the fuck was up with him? He picked her off of the ground, ignoring the hands hitting him as he searched his mother’s backyard for his boyfriend.
“Putmedown! Down! Doooown!”
Billie was close to losing it by the time he reached Mike, “There. Go play with your dad.”
Mike raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, taking the armful of kicking four-year old and allowing Billie to step backwards.
“I hate you, mommy! You’re a mean mean mean mommy!”
Billie’s eyes flashed angrily as he stepped closer to the two of them. He made sure Calico could see his eyes before muttering, “Don’t. You do not say things like that.”
Calico stuck out her tongue in response, hiding her face against Mike’s chest when her mommy’s eyes turned even angrier, “Daddy!”
Billie turned around and walked back into the house before Mike had a chance to say anything. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him but he could care less. Sure, he’d just lost it on his baby girl for no reason but if she was having issues with today then couldn’t he have a few of his own?
He pushed past his mother and the babbling one-year old in her arms to run up the stairs and into the space that used to be his bedroom. It looked different. New furniture and new colours. Billie hated it. He wanted to use his two hands and rip apart everything in the room.
His eyes grew in size and he swore under his breath as he realized what his mother cleaning the room meant. Flying off of the bed he dragged the desk chair over to the closet and climbed on top of it. Standing on his tip-toes he reached one arm across the shelf that ran across the top of the closet and felt around until his hands hit the tiny shoebox tucked into the corner.
His hands trembled in anticipation as he opened the small box and searched through its contents to find what he was looking for. Once he found it he shoved it in his pocket and pushed the box back onto the shelf in the closet. He didn’t want to look at it. That box housed Calico’s first ever shoes and he didn’t want to think of his daughter right now. Not while she was outside hating him.
Pulling the bedroom door open and slamming it shut, he hurried into the bathroom where he dug around in his pockets and retrieved what he had just grabbed.
He pulled out the ultrasound photo too and tossed it onto the bathroom floor.
He stared at his reflection in the mirror before giving himself the finger and transporting his mind back to that time four years ago. Back when his baby was a baby and he was just confused and angry as fuck.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“What the hell is your problem?”
Billie groaned as Mike pulled him around the side of the house and pushed him up against the wall, “Get off me.”
Mike grabbed onto Billie’s chin and forced him to look up, “Why the hell were you swearing at Callie? What the fuck did she do? She’s not telling me and I’m assuming it was something terrible for you to scare her like that.”
“S--she gave me…asked me about him…ultrasound photo.”
“You are making zero sense right now,” Mike’s hands reached to pull the sunglasses off of his boyfriend’s face only to be slapped away, “What the fuck, Billie Joe?”
“I need to…we need to go back…Olivia…” Billie stuttered, wanting to hit himself at how much of an idiot he sounded. He squirmed out of Mike’s grasp and sprinted back into the yard. His head was spinning and he felt like puking but at the same time he had never felt so alive.
Mike was close behind his boyfriend, his hand curling around Billie’s arm and pulling him back into the shade on the side of the house. He ripped the sunglasses off of Billie’s face and shoved the smaller boy into the house, “You--you stupid fucking--fuck! Are you fucking serious right now?”
Billie fumbled for the glasses, shoving them back onto his face to cover his glassy eyes, “What? What’s wrong?”
“You’re an idiot. And I’m an idiot. How long, Billie Joe? How long has this been going on again?”
Billie shook his head and slid down so he was sitting on the ground. He thought long and hard about what he was going to say before speaking, stutter-free, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Mike’s lips curled in disgust as he sat down next to his boyfriend, “You…are…high. I’m not an idiot.”
Billie continued shaking his head and inched away from Mike, “I--no--not high--Mike…”
“I don’t want to hear any excuses right now, Billie Joe,” Mike stood up, roughly pulling Billie up as he did so, “You’re going to come out there with me and fucking stay with me for the rest of the night. You are going to act as normal as you can and we’ll talk about this later.”
“Talk about what?” Billie pursed his lips in concentration and followed Mike back into the yard. They got a few looks as they walked past and Billie had to refrain from offering everyone his middle finger, “‘m not high.”
“And I’m not an idiot,” Mike curled his arm around Billie’s waist, his fingers playing with the cool, damp skin of his lower back. That, coupled with the eyes, was enough to tell him that Billie was high. And it wasn’t just something as little as weed.
Billie’s eyes filled up with tears and he hiccupped before wrenching away from Mike’s arms, “Fuck you.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
Billie was pacing around his old bedroom when the tears really began to start. He grabbed onto the closet thing, a lamp, and tossed it across the bedroom. He barely even winced as it hits the wall with a smash and the pieces fell to the ground. A pillow followed. Followed by a glass of water that he had poured before running upstairs. He continued to hurl things at the wall, listening as they broke or fell with a thump.
No one else was inside. He could be as loud as he wanted to be.
He ripped through the closet and grabbed at the piles of shit that were up on that shelf. He tossed them around too. It was full of old pieces of his life. Old school assignments and books that he never read. A few things that belonged to Callie when she was a baby. And that damn shoebox.
He was searching through the box, not quite sure what he was looking for, when his eyes fell on yet another ultrasound picture. This one was older but in better shape than the one of the twins. Callie. Back when she was growing inside of him, causing his stomach to expand and his mind to go insane with fear, worry, happiness, anger, and so many other things.
He threw the shoebox, watched as it fell onto the bed and the few contents that were in it landed on the covers. Of course he would be messed up enough to keep a fucking ultrasound photo in his drug box.
He screamed, into a pillow so no one would hear, and began to sob. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying anymore but all he knew was that the scars from his c-section were throbbing with pain and he felt like he was burning up and going to puke at any moment.
The sound of the door opening didn’t register in his mind and he didn’t notice the other person until two arms wrapped around him and pulled him off of the ground. Only once he was standing on two shaky legs did he make sure to toss his sunglasses onto the ground and curl his arms around his boyfriend’s equally shaky body.
“You’re right, Mikey. Oh, fuck you for being right,” Billie sobbed into his chest, “I’m so fucking high right now. But it’s only the first time. An--I--and I just couldn’t do it.”
Mike said nothing. He wanted to say something. He wanted to scream and yell and push Billie onto the ground. But he knew that that would only cause a bigger fight. Besides, there was glass all over the floor and, as angry as he was, he didn’t want his boyfriend falling and getting cut.
“E--everyone looks at me like…like they know it’s my fault. He’s supposed to be here too! C--she’s right. He’s supposed to be here,” Billie coughed and curled himself tighter around Mike, “Why isn’t he here? Oh god, Mike, why isn’t he here?”
It took all of Mike’s willpower to not breakdown and cry like Billie. He buried his face into Billie’s dark hair and sighed heavily. He didn’t know what to say to calm down the smaller boy. He didn’t think that there was anything he could say to calm him down.
So he just hugged him tighter and bit down on his lower lip. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. How they’re going to get through the rest of the day, the rest of their daughter’s first birthday, was the only question on his mind.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Oh shit, sorry guys.
But don't worry...do you think I could end this story like this?
Or maybe I can...?
>:D
<3333
( Next Part )