So lay your fingers down on the concrete and watch as they bleed
Title: Suicide Makeover (21/?)
Author: Logan
Pairing: young!Billie/Mike
Rating: PG-13
Previous: 1234567891011121314151617181920
Summary: I really do belong here.
“They’re letting me out of here.”
I give a hum in response and shift so that I can stare at Billie Joe who, last I checked, was fast asleep on his bed. Guess I suck at assuming things.
“I--I’m scared,” He shifts on his bed and our eyes make contact in the dark room, “But, I think I’m ready.”
“When do you get out?” I don’t think he’s ready. I think that that is complete and total bullshit. But whatever. I’m not the doctor in this place so I guess I really have no say in the matter, “I’m done at the end of the week.”
“Me too,” He sighs, “If this week goes okay.”
I don’t want to talk about this. I really don’t want to talk about this. Because somewhere, deep in the pit of my stomach, I just know that he’s not ready. I don’t want him getting out of here and doing something stupid. My stupid gut just keeps telling me that he will. Do something stupid, that is. So naturally, I change the subject.
“Where’d you go today? I--it was boring without you.”
Billie Joe groans and stares up at the ceiling. He’s biting his lip. I can’t see but I’m sure of it. He’s silent for a few moments before quietly saying, “Nowhere. Just went out for lunch with my mom. She nagged me the whole time. Told me I looked good in normal clothes and asked why I couldn’t wear them more often. I told her that my boyfriends like me in tight jeans.”
I can’t help but laugh at the last statement and then it starts to hit me. I really like him. I really fucking like him. And the thought is enough to send me into an internal panic and a half.
“Mike?”
I widen my eyes and turn my head to look at him. He’s got to have something serious to say because he used my name. I mean, he does use my name from time to time but generally it’s some sort of nickname or he doesn’t say anything and--
“Mike!” He whispers angrily, bringing me out of my mind and back into this bedroom.
“What?”
He sighs twice before talking quietly, “I’m really going to miss you, you know that, right? But we…I…we can’t be together when I get out of here.”
He moves and his voice grows quieter, so I assume that he shifts so that he’s staring at the wall. I do the same and say nothing. I don’t want him to know that this is hurting me. That every single time he says that it is killing me inside.
Of course, I don’t say anything. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too much of a fucking pansy or because I just don’t want to admit it out loud. But I want Billie Joe. And I want him here and out of here.
“It’s just…I don’t want to drag you into the mess that is my life.”
“But what if I just want to help you through that mess?” I ask him quietly, almost too quiet to hear, “I--I like you, Billie Joe,” I manage to choke out the words before pausing because going on would only make me sound like a total fucking idiot.
Billie Joe sniffs and lets out a choked sob, “I like you too. But I can’t. You--you need someone better than me, okay? And you’ll find them. You will.”
I don’t say anything but inside I’m screaming, but I don’t want anyone else! I want you! I want to be angry but I can’t. Not when he’s over there trying not to cry. And yes, I know it could all be a show because he is a fucking manipulative bitch. But for some reason it just seems so real and raw that it has to be the truth.
“Billie Joe…”
He cuts me off, “No, stop it. You’re just making me feel worse about this. Can’t we just spend these next few days happy? I just want to feel okay for these next few days.”
“If you don’t think you’re ready to leave shouldn’t you--”
He bolts out of the bed and is hovering over me within mere seconds after the words leave my mouth, “I fucking know that, asshole. And I’m ready to leave. I was ready to leave fucking weeks ago but they thought that I wasn’t. I’m not a fucking idiot. I’m not going to get out of here and kill myself.”
“I never--”
He pushes his hand up against my mouth and now I have to concentrate on breathing and not licking his palm to get him to remove that damn limb, “I know that you’re afraid that I’m going to do something stupid. I wasn’t born yesterday. I like you, yes. But leaving you? It won’t make me kill myself.”
I can’t take it anymore. I use my tongue and poke at his hand, smirking as he wrenches it away from my mouth with a frown, “Billie Joe,” He glares, “Billie, I know that you won’t kill yourself. But can’t I be upset for the fact that I won’t see you after I get out of here?”
“I guess so,” He bites his lip and whispers, “No one’s ever been upset about leaving me before.”
I laugh and lace my fingers with his. I tug him closer and he tumbles onto the bed, “Well, I’ve never liked a boy before.”
He giggles softly and rests his forehead against mine after pressing a quick kiss to my cheek, “Guess there’s a first for everything, right?”
“Yeah,” I look into his eyes as I try to figure out how exactly I’m going to say this. I decide to just fuck it and say whatever my mouth decides, “You could be another first for me. You could be my first boyfriend and I could be there for you when you get out. I’m serious, Billie, I want to help you. I want to be there for you.”
“Don’t make me cry.”
“I’m not trying to make you cry. I’m just telling you what’s on my mind,” I gather him into my arms and squeeze him lightly, “I really fucking like you. And I don’t want to let go.”
“You’re a fucking sappy motherfucker, you know that, right?”
“Only for you, Billie Joe.”
And it’s the truth. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. And it’s all just hitting me so fast and so hard and all at once and I can’t handle it. I’m confused as fuck and in a mental hospital. I have a suicidal, depressed teenage boy curled in my arms and I couldn’t be happier.
I really do belong here.
-----------------------------------------------
I finished my other story so I'm putting all my focus on this one
(and a one-shot that is getting way too long and weird but I like it that way xD)
So, hopefully I'll also finish this one up fairly soon.
Because I really love writing this.
Thanks for your continued support, guys.
<3
( Next Part )
Author: Logan
Pairing: young!Billie/Mike
Rating: PG-13
Previous: 1234567891011121314151617181920
Summary: I really do belong here.
“They’re letting me out of here.”
I give a hum in response and shift so that I can stare at Billie Joe who, last I checked, was fast asleep on his bed. Guess I suck at assuming things.
“I--I’m scared,” He shifts on his bed and our eyes make contact in the dark room, “But, I think I’m ready.”
“When do you get out?” I don’t think he’s ready. I think that that is complete and total bullshit. But whatever. I’m not the doctor in this place so I guess I really have no say in the matter, “I’m done at the end of the week.”
“Me too,” He sighs, “If this week goes okay.”
I don’t want to talk about this. I really don’t want to talk about this. Because somewhere, deep in the pit of my stomach, I just know that he’s not ready. I don’t want him getting out of here and doing something stupid. My stupid gut just keeps telling me that he will. Do something stupid, that is. So naturally, I change the subject.
“Where’d you go today? I--it was boring without you.”
Billie Joe groans and stares up at the ceiling. He’s biting his lip. I can’t see but I’m sure of it. He’s silent for a few moments before quietly saying, “Nowhere. Just went out for lunch with my mom. She nagged me the whole time. Told me I looked good in normal clothes and asked why I couldn’t wear them more often. I told her that my boyfriends like me in tight jeans.”
I can’t help but laugh at the last statement and then it starts to hit me. I really like him. I really fucking like him. And the thought is enough to send me into an internal panic and a half.
“Mike?”
I widen my eyes and turn my head to look at him. He’s got to have something serious to say because he used my name. I mean, he does use my name from time to time but generally it’s some sort of nickname or he doesn’t say anything and--
“Mike!” He whispers angrily, bringing me out of my mind and back into this bedroom.
“What?”
He sighs twice before talking quietly, “I’m really going to miss you, you know that, right? But we…I…we can’t be together when I get out of here.”
He moves and his voice grows quieter, so I assume that he shifts so that he’s staring at the wall. I do the same and say nothing. I don’t want him to know that this is hurting me. That every single time he says that it is killing me inside.
Of course, I don’t say anything. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too much of a fucking pansy or because I just don’t want to admit it out loud. But I want Billie Joe. And I want him here and out of here.
“It’s just…I don’t want to drag you into the mess that is my life.”
“But what if I just want to help you through that mess?” I ask him quietly, almost too quiet to hear, “I--I like you, Billie Joe,” I manage to choke out the words before pausing because going on would only make me sound like a total fucking idiot.
Billie Joe sniffs and lets out a choked sob, “I like you too. But I can’t. You--you need someone better than me, okay? And you’ll find them. You will.”
I don’t say anything but inside I’m screaming, but I don’t want anyone else! I want you! I want to be angry but I can’t. Not when he’s over there trying not to cry. And yes, I know it could all be a show because he is a fucking manipulative bitch. But for some reason it just seems so real and raw that it has to be the truth.
“Billie Joe…”
He cuts me off, “No, stop it. You’re just making me feel worse about this. Can’t we just spend these next few days happy? I just want to feel okay for these next few days.”
“If you don’t think you’re ready to leave shouldn’t you--”
He bolts out of the bed and is hovering over me within mere seconds after the words leave my mouth, “I fucking know that, asshole. And I’m ready to leave. I was ready to leave fucking weeks ago but they thought that I wasn’t. I’m not a fucking idiot. I’m not going to get out of here and kill myself.”
“I never--”
He pushes his hand up against my mouth and now I have to concentrate on breathing and not licking his palm to get him to remove that damn limb, “I know that you’re afraid that I’m going to do something stupid. I wasn’t born yesterday. I like you, yes. But leaving you? It won’t make me kill myself.”
I can’t take it anymore. I use my tongue and poke at his hand, smirking as he wrenches it away from my mouth with a frown, “Billie Joe,” He glares, “Billie, I know that you won’t kill yourself. But can’t I be upset for the fact that I won’t see you after I get out of here?”
“I guess so,” He bites his lip and whispers, “No one’s ever been upset about leaving me before.”
I laugh and lace my fingers with his. I tug him closer and he tumbles onto the bed, “Well, I’ve never liked a boy before.”
He giggles softly and rests his forehead against mine after pressing a quick kiss to my cheek, “Guess there’s a first for everything, right?”
“Yeah,” I look into his eyes as I try to figure out how exactly I’m going to say this. I decide to just fuck it and say whatever my mouth decides, “You could be another first for me. You could be my first boyfriend and I could be there for you when you get out. I’m serious, Billie, I want to help you. I want to be there for you.”
“Don’t make me cry.”
“I’m not trying to make you cry. I’m just telling you what’s on my mind,” I gather him into my arms and squeeze him lightly, “I really fucking like you. And I don’t want to let go.”
“You’re a fucking sappy motherfucker, you know that, right?”
“Only for you, Billie Joe.”
And it’s the truth. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. And it’s all just hitting me so fast and so hard and all at once and I can’t handle it. I’m confused as fuck and in a mental hospital. I have a suicidal, depressed teenage boy curled in my arms and I couldn’t be happier.
I really do belong here.
-----------------------------------------------
I finished my other story so I'm putting all my focus on this one
(and a one-shot that is getting way too long and weird but I like it that way xD)
So, hopefully I'll also finish this one up fairly soon.
Because I really love writing this.
Thanks for your continued support, guys.
<3
( Next Part )