The eyes of Rilo Kiley are watching...
Fuck me....I'm so pissed. Why are all men, excluding myself and a few others, such assholes! AGHHHHH!!!! I don't get it. Why can't people be like they were in high school? There's this guy, I thought he was a good guy. Got him to admit about his curiosity. Went out last Sunday. It was kind of cute, a little awkward. Whatever...I can handle that. Texting....texting...texting...God how pathetic I must've looked attached to my phone, longing and waiting for it to light up and say, "New Message". Damn it...Anyway, I could tell by the second or third day that he wasn't a good person. Maybe he is, maybe I'm over analyzing him. But I swear I can tell...The things he tells me. Sometimes he lifts me up and makes me soo happy. Agreeing with me, showing interest...he's always so busy though. I, on the other hand am much more available. And, I on the other hand am much more stupid and naive
I guess when it comes to relationships, and courting, and setting limitations. Fucking high school....denying me experience...fucking small town. So, earlier tonight, I stooped to a new low and begged to see him. I'm so desperate...I finally bargained with him, I would go over if groping was involved. It was awkward at first. He had to go down to the front desk to let me in as a guest. He ran into someone he knew. I look up at him and smile. He looks at me and smiles. Cute...? Perhaps...Anyway we make our way up to his room. Sit down on his bed, we talk about our day, in the back of his mind, and mine, I could tell he was just plotting out what moves to make. It was ok, I was more comfortable there than I had been two weeks before in a similar situation. So we sit down on his bed, he's so stupid and unsure.
"ugh, I wish there wasn't this gap here so I could lay down", I guess I had to make the first move. Well I lay down and it didn't go as smoothly as I planned, from the back I imagine it was quite unflattering. Oh well, during a commercial break I make a comment and engage him in some small conversation so that I can get back up from laying down. Did that...well, the movie ends, and then the original mask comes out. It takes a while, he lays down and I lay down right by his side. It's comfortable. All the while I knew exactly what he wanted, but I fooled myself into thinking he really liked/likes me. It was nice,...so damn nice. laying there in his warm embrace...what a mistake. His hair smelled so nice, I then lie down on my back with my head propped with a pillow against the foot of the bed. And make some more conversation, he seems more interested in what I had to say this time. I get real close
and he puts his arm around me...I'm ecstatic. Who wouldn't be?
I move in for the kill. We kiss, now that I think about it, it was a very nice kiss. So nice indeed that I was very happy. Not just there, but also in my heart. But of course, his ever-curious hand had to find out. first exploring my chest, then my thighs, then...well....Obviously I don't have to say it. I should, my body jolts a little as he starts to touch the band of my underwear. "Just keep on Michael" I told myself. I don't know why? I guess I just hate to disappoint...
Well....he started...that...and kept at it for a while, I finally felt that I needed to reciprocate, so I guess I did. Not bad I thought to myself as I felt him...Hmph...Just do it. "I'm afraid I'm not that good at this" I told him.
"You're fine" he said in a whisper, smiling. I take a break, he takes a break and we kiss again, Can't we just do this the rest of the night? I really didn't feel any urge to finish. But I trekked forward. He finished, he groaned. After he finished, He kept at me, for about a little bit longer than a minute. "Are you close?" he asks.
"Yeah", I say trying to convince myself that what he's doing felt good. I mean it did, but not good enough.
After about another minute, "Are you close?"
This time I didn't lie, I flat out said no, and gave a little chuckle.
He then told me that his arm was tired...
I accepted that, I don't need him to finish me off, but some God damn consideration would've been nice. He didn't even offer me a pillow when I was laying down with him, I had to ask! Damn it...UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He cleaned up the area, while I made a joke about the downside of having navy blue sheets. He laughed, I guess.
When everything over, and we were both dressed. I got up off the bed and stood close to him, I wanted a kiss. If I would've gotten a kiss then I would've known that there was a possibility that things would turn out all right. But i don't have balls, and I didn't make the move. He had already gotten what he wanted. So he said, "I should be going to bed soon"
I Fucking knew it...
Oh well...Maybe I'm just stupid! He gave me a stupid platonic hug, and said thanks, thanks for everything, and thanks for the awkward silence.
Awkward silence, I ask...
I Guess.... - me...
I walk over to the restroom and wash my hands of him...I'm done. I open the door and walk out, he barely sticks his head out of the door and says, "So I'll see you on Sunday?"
"Yeah, Maybe."
I hate guys. This one's hiding so many things from me. I can tell...I need to talk to him in person, so he can't lie to me. I want to find out if he only wants to fuck me, or if he can genuinely like me...that's ALL I want...some genuine...pure...love.
I guess when it comes to relationships, and courting, and setting limitations. Fucking high school....denying me experience...fucking small town. So, earlier tonight, I stooped to a new low and begged to see him. I'm so desperate...I finally bargained with him, I would go over if groping was involved. It was awkward at first. He had to go down to the front desk to let me in as a guest. He ran into someone he knew. I look up at him and smile. He looks at me and smiles. Cute...? Perhaps...Anyway we make our way up to his room. Sit down on his bed, we talk about our day, in the back of his mind, and mine, I could tell he was just plotting out what moves to make. It was ok, I was more comfortable there than I had been two weeks before in a similar situation. So we sit down on his bed, he's so stupid and unsure.
"ugh, I wish there wasn't this gap here so I could lay down", I guess I had to make the first move. Well I lay down and it didn't go as smoothly as I planned, from the back I imagine it was quite unflattering. Oh well, during a commercial break I make a comment and engage him in some small conversation so that I can get back up from laying down. Did that...well, the movie ends, and then the original mask comes out. It takes a while, he lays down and I lay down right by his side. It's comfortable. All the while I knew exactly what he wanted, but I fooled myself into thinking he really liked/likes me. It was nice,...so damn nice. laying there in his warm embrace...what a mistake. His hair smelled so nice, I then lie down on my back with my head propped with a pillow against the foot of the bed. And make some more conversation, he seems more interested in what I had to say this time. I get real close
and he puts his arm around me...I'm ecstatic. Who wouldn't be?
I move in for the kill. We kiss, now that I think about it, it was a very nice kiss. So nice indeed that I was very happy. Not just there, but also in my heart. But of course, his ever-curious hand had to find out. first exploring my chest, then my thighs, then...well....Obviously I don't have to say it. I should, my body jolts a little as he starts to touch the band of my underwear. "Just keep on Michael" I told myself. I don't know why? I guess I just hate to disappoint...
Well....he started...that...and kept at it for a while, I finally felt that I needed to reciprocate, so I guess I did. Not bad I thought to myself as I felt him...Hmph...Just do it. "I'm afraid I'm not that good at this" I told him.
"You're fine" he said in a whisper, smiling. I take a break, he takes a break and we kiss again, Can't we just do this the rest of the night? I really didn't feel any urge to finish. But I trekked forward. He finished, he groaned. After he finished, He kept at me, for about a little bit longer than a minute. "Are you close?" he asks.
"Yeah", I say trying to convince myself that what he's doing felt good. I mean it did, but not good enough.
After about another minute, "Are you close?"
This time I didn't lie, I flat out said no, and gave a little chuckle.
He then told me that his arm was tired...
I accepted that, I don't need him to finish me off, but some God damn consideration would've been nice. He didn't even offer me a pillow when I was laying down with him, I had to ask! Damn it...UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He cleaned up the area, while I made a joke about the downside of having navy blue sheets. He laughed, I guess.
When everything over, and we were both dressed. I got up off the bed and stood close to him, I wanted a kiss. If I would've gotten a kiss then I would've known that there was a possibility that things would turn out all right. But i don't have balls, and I didn't make the move. He had already gotten what he wanted. So he said, "I should be going to bed soon"
I Fucking knew it...
Oh well...Maybe I'm just stupid! He gave me a stupid platonic hug, and said thanks, thanks for everything, and thanks for the awkward silence.
Awkward silence, I ask...
I Guess.... - me...
I walk over to the restroom and wash my hands of him...I'm done. I open the door and walk out, he barely sticks his head out of the door and says, "So I'll see you on Sunday?"
"Yeah, Maybe."
I hate guys. This one's hiding so many things from me. I can tell...I need to talk to him in person, so he can't lie to me. I want to find out if he only wants to fuck me, or if he can genuinely like me...that's ALL I want...some genuine...pure...love.