past few weeks
Well I know I haven't updated in a long time, and to answer your question amanda you're an excellent friend. Two nights ago I was thinking about what I was going to write, I had this tremendous thing ready but I can't really just type it off the top of my head. First and foremost I wanted to talk about what's been bothering me lately. What bothers me are friends that you trust, and are close to and then they talk about you. Like they make jokes about you and never let you forget about things. Or like pick on you for the dumbest reasons. Friends shouldn't do that to each other. And you know what? I haven't spoken about anyone behind their back or to their face, since that last incident a few ppl know about. I don't deserve this. I hate it!
You know what else I'm tired of playing this character. Most people I know treat me as a character, not as a person...Yeah I did get this from the real world, but yeah it made sense to me. Just because I'm the way I am people expect me to act as Jack from will and grace, and I'm not like that. I'm not flamboyant. I know it's partly my fault because I indulge you, but no more will I act the way I do just to please you. And then when I do that it's like you expect me to do it all the time. And that's how people get bad reputations.
That night I was also thinking about how people complain so much about leaving rio. I came up with the reason why I complain. It's not so much the smallness of this town or all the mocho's if that's how you spell it....it's my friends. It's just the little things that get to you. Like I wont mention any names or anything and if you ask me I'll just say that it's not you I'm complaining about but yeah, it is. It's not like I don't not like you, but I don't know. The reason why I want to get away from here is to get away from EVERYONE. Cut myself off completley, just family, and the dearest of friends. Do you all agree with me that it's not your enemies it's your friends? It's weird right? I'll just dismiss it with a, "whatever".
The way I think of it is that graduation is a massive death. Then you're reincarnated during college. Like High School is the end of your life in the town you live in, unless you're staying here to work at the local wal-mart and have eighty children (thanks ayssa) lol. But here in Rio you could be the football player, the cheerleader, the class president, the dumbest person in ur class. But in college you start with a clean slate. You're no one. No offense to the football players, so on so forth, ur just examples, lol. And you don't know what is going to happen. It's like opening a present, or a box of chocolates...lol.
I want to end it here and now, but I can't. I still have so much more to write. I just have to remember it... Oh yeah I'm falling again. I slipped. All it took was walking me to class.....jeez. Stupid mistakes, the years almost done, it'll be over soon. Heh last night I was craving a strawberry and bananna smoothie. Where do you buy those anyways, I remember always hating the taste, but now I want one. I hate bananna's. whatever...We're watching friday night lights again, but this time I don't mind because I get to type, and finally give my journal an entry worth posting. Oh yeah, I remembered something else I wanted to type.
Hey I like Vanessa Carlton and If you can't deal with that then too bad. I mean why is it that I have to be the one to downsize or hide my enthusiasm about her. I friggin' love her. And you are always like, bleh I hate her, she's so stupid...blah blah blah, well maybe I don't like your music? Ever think of that???????? Egh I'm all frustrated now...lol. And you're my friend you shouldn't put down what I like, friends should like friends for who they are not what they like or whatever.
Another thing I wanted to write is that many of you probably wont go to far into this entry, it's too long. So you'll probably just skim through it. It's ok, but I want to know who reads it all. Tell me! I think I've been typing for like a half hour now. hmmm? I remembered
I hate it when I tell people my weaknesses. Like I'll say that I think I'm whiny or something. And then later someone and I might be having an arguement and they'll use it against me. They'll be like,
Random person: You're so whiny
Me: No I'm not
RP: Yes you are, you said so yourself.
Me: well.....screw you!
lol, see what I mean? I hate doing that. I make it easy for people to pick on me. I wonder what you all are thinking right now???? Tell me what you all are thinking? You know what else I hate, when I write something, and later on I read it and I'm like, I'm such an idiot for writing that. It sounds so dumb....How the hell could I have written that. I guess I've written enough, Bye Love you Mel,
~ Michael