Tough mornings.
Even with the dawning of a new day, it can often be ruined as early as the morning. My car wouldn't start. And that bad charma slowly crept it's slimy little body into the next couple hours after that. As I calmly asked Angelique to let me out of the backseat of her car, I knew I was in for a breakdown once I reached home. You see, here's what it came down too; very little in my life am I selfish. I'm not saying that to be conceited or prideful or arrogant. I just always made my life about other people. I try not to worry about the little things, but these past couple weeks, Satan has trickled his deadly body into many aspects of my life producing the little green monster and an angry, not-so-patient sister. With this, I've felt my grip becoming loose of people in my life. If I can't confide in Katie or Angelique, well, I must say I couldn't confide in much others. A lot of hope would be lost.
Destined to not let my bad morning ruin the new afternoon, I grabbed my bike, put air in the tires, and rode down Margate boulivard where I painted a little. I can't say this was the greatest trip in the world, but as I rode against the wind, past onlooking construction workers, I couldn't help pretend I was taking off for good. Maybe to Philadelphia or Calcutta (although I can't get there on a bike...), towards a new life, to meet people who know what it means to live out the Gospel because I have such a hard time doing it myself. I don't think I can ever know what it's like to live how Jesus would want me to live until I don't have so much foggy areas clouding my vision with thousand dollar laptops and a church that makes me way too comfortable.
Even with difficult mornings such as this one was today, the afternoon is bound to come, I suppose. And it may come with gray clouds and loud machines paving a beaten up road, but the hard, loud stuff is, well, stuff we have to work through to see that tomorrow's dawn will let the sun shine through, unlike todays.
This is what I struggled with today.