No problem! One of the things that I've come to learn about others and also myself is that science-y and engineering people like to come up with solutions to what we perceive are peoples' problems.
Unfortunately, we make a lot of assumptions about peoples' needs when we offer up these solutions, the obvious one being that when people talk to us they want solutions in this first place. This is not necessarily true; maybe they just want somebody to listen to. Most intelligent people can think of solutions by themselves, it's much less problematic and much more sympathetic just to listen, and also to ask them what their needs are instead of just assuming.
I imagine in Kerry's situation, feeling the sadness is what she wants to do, it's a way to give meaning to her family member's life and also to remember the experiences that she had with said person. It's okay for her to be sad, grieving is part of the recovery process. I hope you can keep in mind about the implicit assumptions that you make when you offer solutions or offer to "make things better." We're not perfect, but spelling things out often make it easier to understand.
I think I can probably back that up with my own observations of other people and also myself. I feel like I may even have made that comment about something at some point. (Oh dear.) But being a better listener is something I will need to work on--I don't think I'm very good at it right now.
Unfortunately, we make a lot of assumptions about peoples' needs when we offer up these solutions, the obvious one being that when people talk to us they want solutions in this first place. This is not necessarily true; maybe they just want somebody to listen to. Most intelligent people can think of solutions by themselves, it's much less problematic and much more sympathetic just to listen, and also to ask them what their needs are instead of just assuming.
I imagine in Kerry's situation, feeling the sadness is what she wants to do, it's a way to give meaning to her family member's life and also to remember the experiences that she had with said person. It's okay for her to be sad, grieving is part of the recovery process. I hope you can keep in mind about the implicit assumptions that you make when you offer solutions or offer to "make things better." We're not perfect, but spelling things out often make it easier to understand.
Good luck!
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Thanks! <3
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