Letter to My Future Self
Dear Future Xia,
2010 has ended. Actually, yeah, I'm a little late on that, but you know how it is :/ I'm pretty sure this is something that won't really carry on as a tradition, knowing the way we are, but I can hope--it would be good to be able to look back at the things we hoped we'd do (although potentially depressing to realize that very few of them happened). These aren't resolutions, because those never get kept. They're... wishes. Maybe reminders.
Where to begin? Hmn. Well, I'm hoping you'll do a better job at keeping in touch with distant friends, because let's face it: we suck at long distance relationships of any kind. Also, I did a positively miserable job of meeting up with people this year when I went home for Christmas. If the family talks about going to the Big Island for Mauna Kea sunsets or whatever again, MAKE THE RESERVATIONS EARLY. That way you won't waste most of your vacations thinking tomorrow there will be 4WD vehicles available so you can finally give it a go, and then forget to actually touch base with people, because of the people you contacted, all but one meet-up (asphodel) fell through :( You totally owe edgecase and Kristyl meetings next year, for sure, and you need to make a better effort at contacting Kari and Adrienne earlier. This is unacceptable, and I positively suck, so don't be like me! Get on the ball earlier with presents, too, while I'm at it. I didn't manage to find the old inner Christmas elf this year, so I'm hoping you'll find it again next year.
I'm also hoping you'll get to work on that D&D campaign setting I started. We need the maps of the two floating continents (terrain & country/city maps) and the country/city map of the surface maps, plus a better rendering of the map for the swimming island of Pothos from the old campaign notes. It's going to be a lot of work to write up the blurbs for the countries, too, but I had a couple of ideas that you'll hopefully remember when that time comes. You'd do best to write up some of those famous people biographies I've partially hatched, too, while they're relatively fresh, but I guess as long as nobody loses the notes that's... reasonable.
Draw more. Not just the maps. Maybe some portraits for the biographies on the D&D setting would be good, but hopefully more than that. I don't believe I drew anything past maybe a card or two for the parents in 2010, and our art needs sore improvement. You need to learn to draw hands better than a drunken toddler, and you definitely need to learn expressions... after that, maybe you can move on to action poses. The poses, I think, could be supplied by that stack of stupid fashion magazines Mom ordered for us, although they are admittedly some pretty ridiculous poses. I hear Victoria's Secret catalogs have more natural-looking poses to work from, so that might be worth looking into if you start getting catalogs again.
Sew more, and maybe buy less yarn. I understand that the last bit might be tough, but since I have yet to work out a decent storage strategy, I think the trick right now is to keep the stash small enough to confine to its current residence in your closet. We've been trying to get that stupid apron sewn for almost two years now, so get on it! And look into figuring out something crafty to do with those spent bike inner tubes, too, while you're at it--I'm not sure sewing them is a good idea, considering the pretty shoddy looking ones we saw at the first Renegade Handmade, and that person seemed somewhat capable with a sewing machine (I am not so much). There's got to be something else we can do with 'em.
Exercise more, because you're probably going to get talked into doing that triathlon again (esp. now that we can't claim that we don't think we could do it). If you're in better shape when the event rolls around, maybe it will be better (and you might be able to go on some bike rides with the significantly-more-fit-than-us MiKerry entity). Also, I'm a pretty big tub of lard right now, and if we ever hope to cosplay successfully in the future, we're going to need to be positively anorexic. Or close to it. Or at least not as chubby as I am now (fine, I'll be realistic). Speak to Neil about the possibility of cosplay, actually. It sounds like he'd be willing to try some kind of group cosplay, and that would make it easier to talk the MiKerry entity into joining (we're schemers, yes we are).
Reduce the stuff, because I'm swimming in clutter :( The closet has got to get cleared out, but that doesn't mean that you can't ditch things you aren't crazy about to purchase things that make you happy. In fact, this isn't so much a "don't buy more stuff" as a "buy quality things that make you genuinely happier to have" type of thing. I have plenty of junk that I didn't think hard enough about when I bought it, and several things I really kick myself for not buying. You'll need to be tougher about what does and does not come home with you is all. You should also not be so petrified about spending money on yourself--if the item passes the test, there's a good chance you should bring it home, because you can probably afford it. This does not apply to that spinning wheel. Wait until you get a house to buy that :( In the meantime, it wouldn't kill you to try and keep the apartment cleaner than I have been :/
Of course, most of that is all "more" type things :( The key here is you need to learn to time manage, because we've always been horrible at this. But there is one thing you can do less of--stop telling yourself awful things as you try to fall asleep :( I only realized I was doing this sometime in the middle of the year, and seriously? Telling ourselves that nobody cares about us and that we're going to be alone for the rest of our lives after all our friends leave us to go make families before bed every night is probably not a helpful mantra. We need to have some kind of positive mantra, I just don't know what would work right now. That's for you to sort out. Plus sorting out how we're going to meet more people, because if the MiKerry entity moves back East and Eva decides she wants to move to LA, you really will be alone and you'll never leave the apartment.
In fact, I think I've learned something about our stupid hangups with regards to Andrew. Yeah, we're not going to start trusting guys (or trusting your instincts about guys) all of a sudden, so that's going to take some work, but you know what? "You might not be able to live without me" is a pretty lame excuse, and is perhaps the lamest among the ones he gave. There are crappy guys in the world, and no doubt our area is full of them, but how many such turds can you fall for? I mean, statistically? I feel like it's gotta be a somewhat low number. So, statistically, you probably can't do much worse. Assuming you can find a guy locally at all, that is. You, um, work on that... yeah.
Here I'm stealing a meme from skuldchan to maybe sum up the year, or some fancy thing like that:
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Triathlon would be the big thing. I also finally went to w00tstock and saw the Grand Canyon :D
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
N-no... :( I don't really make resolutions. They fail. Instead, I'll just post a bunch of hopes with no attempts to reinforce.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not as far as I was informed? But apparently cousin Sita has a kid (a couple of years old), and I had no idea, so maybe.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Grandma died, but I guess I wasn't super close to her. Still, I feel rotten for not having seen her for a while, and I'm keenly aware that she really wanted to see me married before she went :( I've totally failed her on that one--apparently my family is full of alluring women who have no problem attracting suitors and I'm the only exception T_T I am also unhappy that my uncle is making such a stink about the will. I don't know why he's making such a fuss about Dad asking for an accounting of what all is going where. It's getting ugly.
5. What countries did you visit?
No other countries, sadly, although I did spend some time in Arizona? That's another state, at least.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
More local friends? A boyfriend I won't get harangued over? A house. A Kromski Symphony spinning wheel in walnut and maybe extra bobbins for it.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
...I don't remember dates too well :( Plus, now that I think about it, I'm not sure they ever told me the actual day Grandma died o_0
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Um... Triathlon? :/ Kind of my only achievement, I think?
9. What was your biggest failure?
Quite possibly the relationship with Chet. Most of my life has been a failure.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Can't remember anything of note, although my eyesight got worse. Maybe that counts.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Combination of my green Contigo thermos-y thing and the stainless steel strainer--I have had some of my lovely loose leaf teas every day at work because of it. I'm also pretty happy with the new monitor, although that was technically a gift from the 'rents, so I didn't buy it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Um... not mine? o_0 Although I did eventually learn to deal with the whole mold in my apartment and the bunches of pipe leaks, and apologized to the assistant manager I yelled at, so I guess that was good of me. Kurt the plumber was pretty cool.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My uncle, most certainly. WTF, man.
14. Where did most of your money go?
...yarn, probably T_T
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
w00tstock! :D I finally got to go <3
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2010?
Huh. Maybe Stars' "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" or Andrew Bird's "Fake Palindromes" because they were introduced to me in Arizona, and I liked both of them very much.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Not sure.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, but I'm working on it more and I'm only fatter at this point I think because I gained so much while I was in AZ.
c) richer or poorer? Probably about the same? Perhaps slightly poorer, as I noticed I was more willing to spend this year than last.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sewing, exercising, drawing, keeping in touch with people. Enjoying things in general.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work, maybe. Doing a bunch of overtime is not really making me happy at all, but that's also not going away anytime soon (unless I get laid off, which I really hope does not happen).
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Been and gone, although Christmas Eve was spent on the beach (as per my usual) and Christmas Day was spent on that ridiculous Koko Head Crater climb over the railroad ties. I need to be in better shape (and I need to drink more water prior to the start of the climb) if I'm going to do that again next year.
21. What was your favorite month of 2010?
Bike to work month (May). I actually did NOT get flat tires, got to captain Team Browncoats again, and it was a nice routine until it got cold in what, August? I'm worried I might not be able to do it again in 2011, though, because I'm petrified of riding in the dark and if I keep working overtime, that's what's going to happen.
22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Yes.
23. How many one-night stands?
Those aren't in my repertoire, so zero.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Huh, I don't rightly know. I watch Castle and Mythbusters, so maybe one of those?
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't think so.
26. What was the best book you read?
Probably the whole Scott Pilgrim series. I don't think I read any "real" books, just comic books -_- I ought to get on that.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I discovered a couple of musical groups from hanging out with Chet, and they were quite nice, but I'm not sure anything really gripped me as the "greatest" musical discovery.
28. What did you want and get?
New monitor for Yggdrasil. Apothecary jars.
29. What did you want and not get?
Spinning wheel. Timbuk2 bag. Awesome non-leather boots. The perfect military-style jacket. That green glass footed candy dish at Grandma's house.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Haha... lemme think. Maybe How to Train Your Dragon, because Toothless is so adorable ^_^ Star Trek was pretty cool, too, though <3
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Did the usual, spent it with parents. I turned 27 :( I'm so old ;_;
32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
The perfect spinning wheel. A satisfying romantic relationship and/or a house of my own. Also, a fireplace would have been lovely.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
T-shirt & jeans, or a random top from the selection of random stuff Mom has bought me over the years. I need to find some better non-tee tops/blouses that are comfortable to wear. And maybe some comfortable non-jean pants for work. And probably some cute jackets.
34. What kept you sane?
Friends and knitting, probably, although it is also debatable whether or not I was in fact kept sane.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Not sure I really fancied celebrities? I liked Nathan Fillion and Simon Pegg a whole lot, but not romantically. I guess Norman Reedus might count, but I don't like his Walking Dead character much at all and he's kind of an old mini-crush (from original Boondock Saints). Oh, maybe new!Kirk or new!Checkov. Eh, maybe. Probably character crushes.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Hmn, was I stirred by anything political this year? o_0 I pay so little attention to politics because I really don't need extra depression in my life...
37. Who did you miss?
I'm not sure what this question is asking? I guess I miss my Grandma, although if she hadn't died, I'm also not sure she would recognize or remember me, so I'm not sure that counts.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Oh geez. I met a lot of cool folks in AZ, and then there's Fran at work who is really interesting (if a complete other generation from me) and I'm fond of Max's new girlfriend Rebecca? I don't know.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
I'm a fighter, not a lover; however, I have run out of fight. Now what?
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Um... I can't think of one :(
Okay, future me, get to work on becoming a better me!
Sincerely,
Oraxia of 2010
2010 has ended. Actually, yeah, I'm a little late on that, but you know how it is :/ I'm pretty sure this is something that won't really carry on as a tradition, knowing the way we are, but I can hope--it would be good to be able to look back at the things we hoped we'd do (although potentially depressing to realize that very few of them happened). These aren't resolutions, because those never get kept. They're... wishes. Maybe reminders.
Where to begin? Hmn. Well, I'm hoping you'll do a better job at keeping in touch with distant friends, because let's face it: we suck at long distance relationships of any kind. Also, I did a positively miserable job of meeting up with people this year when I went home for Christmas. If the family talks about going to the Big Island for Mauna Kea sunsets or whatever again, MAKE THE RESERVATIONS EARLY. That way you won't waste most of your vacations thinking tomorrow there will be 4WD vehicles available so you can finally give it a go, and then forget to actually touch base with people, because of the people you contacted, all but one meet-up (asphodel) fell through :( You totally owe edgecase and Kristyl meetings next year, for sure, and you need to make a better effort at contacting Kari and Adrienne earlier. This is unacceptable, and I positively suck, so don't be like me! Get on the ball earlier with presents, too, while I'm at it. I didn't manage to find the old inner Christmas elf this year, so I'm hoping you'll find it again next year.
I'm also hoping you'll get to work on that D&D campaign setting I started. We need the maps of the two floating continents (terrain & country/city maps) and the country/city map of the surface maps, plus a better rendering of the map for the swimming island of Pothos from the old campaign notes. It's going to be a lot of work to write up the blurbs for the countries, too, but I had a couple of ideas that you'll hopefully remember when that time comes. You'd do best to write up some of those famous people biographies I've partially hatched, too, while they're relatively fresh, but I guess as long as nobody loses the notes that's... reasonable.
Draw more. Not just the maps. Maybe some portraits for the biographies on the D&D setting would be good, but hopefully more than that. I don't believe I drew anything past maybe a card or two for the parents in 2010, and our art needs sore improvement. You need to learn to draw hands better than a drunken toddler, and you definitely need to learn expressions... after that, maybe you can move on to action poses. The poses, I think, could be supplied by that stack of stupid fashion magazines Mom ordered for us, although they are admittedly some pretty ridiculous poses. I hear Victoria's Secret catalogs have more natural-looking poses to work from, so that might be worth looking into if you start getting catalogs again.
Sew more, and maybe buy less yarn. I understand that the last bit might be tough, but since I have yet to work out a decent storage strategy, I think the trick right now is to keep the stash small enough to confine to its current residence in your closet. We've been trying to get that stupid apron sewn for almost two years now, so get on it! And look into figuring out something crafty to do with those spent bike inner tubes, too, while you're at it--I'm not sure sewing them is a good idea, considering the pretty shoddy looking ones we saw at the first Renegade Handmade, and that person seemed somewhat capable with a sewing machine (I am not so much). There's got to be something else we can do with 'em.
Exercise more, because you're probably going to get talked into doing that triathlon again (esp. now that we can't claim that we don't think we could do it). If you're in better shape when the event rolls around, maybe it will be better (and you might be able to go on some bike rides with the significantly-more-fit-than-us MiKerry entity). Also, I'm a pretty big tub of lard right now, and if we ever hope to cosplay successfully in the future, we're going to need to be positively anorexic. Or close to it. Or at least not as chubby as I am now (fine, I'll be realistic). Speak to Neil about the possibility of cosplay, actually. It sounds like he'd be willing to try some kind of group cosplay, and that would make it easier to talk the MiKerry entity into joining (we're schemers, yes we are).
Reduce the stuff, because I'm swimming in clutter :( The closet has got to get cleared out, but that doesn't mean that you can't ditch things you aren't crazy about to purchase things that make you happy. In fact, this isn't so much a "don't buy more stuff" as a "buy quality things that make you genuinely happier to have" type of thing. I have plenty of junk that I didn't think hard enough about when I bought it, and several things I really kick myself for not buying. You'll need to be tougher about what does and does not come home with you is all. You should also not be so petrified about spending money on yourself--if the item passes the test, there's a good chance you should bring it home, because you can probably afford it. This does not apply to that spinning wheel. Wait until you get a house to buy that :( In the meantime, it wouldn't kill you to try and keep the apartment cleaner than I have been :/
Of course, most of that is all "more" type things :( The key here is you need to learn to time manage, because we've always been horrible at this. But there is one thing you can do less of--stop telling yourself awful things as you try to fall asleep :( I only realized I was doing this sometime in the middle of the year, and seriously? Telling ourselves that nobody cares about us and that we're going to be alone for the rest of our lives after all our friends leave us to go make families before bed every night is probably not a helpful mantra. We need to have some kind of positive mantra, I just don't know what would work right now. That's for you to sort out. Plus sorting out how we're going to meet more people, because if the MiKerry entity moves back East and Eva decides she wants to move to LA, you really will be alone and you'll never leave the apartment.
In fact, I think I've learned something about our stupid hangups with regards to Andrew. Yeah, we're not going to start trusting guys (or trusting your instincts about guys) all of a sudden, so that's going to take some work, but you know what? "You might not be able to live without me" is a pretty lame excuse, and is perhaps the lamest among the ones he gave. There are crappy guys in the world, and no doubt our area is full of them, but how many such turds can you fall for? I mean, statistically? I feel like it's gotta be a somewhat low number. So, statistically, you probably can't do much worse. Assuming you can find a guy locally at all, that is. You, um, work on that... yeah.
Here I'm stealing a meme from skuldchan to maybe sum up the year, or some fancy thing like that:
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Triathlon would be the big thing. I also finally went to w00tstock and saw the Grand Canyon :D
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
N-no... :( I don't really make resolutions. They fail. Instead, I'll just post a bunch of hopes with no attempts to reinforce.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not as far as I was informed? But apparently cousin Sita has a kid (a couple of years old), and I had no idea, so maybe.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Grandma died, but I guess I wasn't super close to her. Still, I feel rotten for not having seen her for a while, and I'm keenly aware that she really wanted to see me married before she went :( I've totally failed her on that one--apparently my family is full of alluring women who have no problem attracting suitors and I'm the only exception T_T I am also unhappy that my uncle is making such a stink about the will. I don't know why he's making such a fuss about Dad asking for an accounting of what all is going where. It's getting ugly.
5. What countries did you visit?
No other countries, sadly, although I did spend some time in Arizona? That's another state, at least.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
More local friends? A boyfriend I won't get harangued over? A house. A Kromski Symphony spinning wheel in walnut and maybe extra bobbins for it.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
...I don't remember dates too well :( Plus, now that I think about it, I'm not sure they ever told me the actual day Grandma died o_0
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Um... Triathlon? :/ Kind of my only achievement, I think?
9. What was your biggest failure?
Quite possibly the relationship with Chet. Most of my life has been a failure.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Can't remember anything of note, although my eyesight got worse. Maybe that counts.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Combination of my green Contigo thermos-y thing and the stainless steel strainer--I have had some of my lovely loose leaf teas every day at work because of it. I'm also pretty happy with the new monitor, although that was technically a gift from the 'rents, so I didn't buy it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Um... not mine? o_0 Although I did eventually learn to deal with the whole mold in my apartment and the bunches of pipe leaks, and apologized to the assistant manager I yelled at, so I guess that was good of me. Kurt the plumber was pretty cool.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My uncle, most certainly. WTF, man.
14. Where did most of your money go?
...yarn, probably T_T
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
w00tstock! :D I finally got to go <3
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2010?
Huh. Maybe Stars' "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" or Andrew Bird's "Fake Palindromes" because they were introduced to me in Arizona, and I liked both of them very much.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Not sure.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, but I'm working on it more and I'm only fatter at this point I think because I gained so much while I was in AZ.
c) richer or poorer? Probably about the same? Perhaps slightly poorer, as I noticed I was more willing to spend this year than last.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sewing, exercising, drawing, keeping in touch with people. Enjoying things in general.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work, maybe. Doing a bunch of overtime is not really making me happy at all, but that's also not going away anytime soon (unless I get laid off, which I really hope does not happen).
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Been and gone, although Christmas Eve was spent on the beach (as per my usual) and Christmas Day was spent on that ridiculous Koko Head Crater climb over the railroad ties. I need to be in better shape (and I need to drink more water prior to the start of the climb) if I'm going to do that again next year.
21. What was your favorite month of 2010?
Bike to work month (May). I actually did NOT get flat tires, got to captain Team Browncoats again, and it was a nice routine until it got cold in what, August? I'm worried I might not be able to do it again in 2011, though, because I'm petrified of riding in the dark and if I keep working overtime, that's what's going to happen.
22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Yes.
23. How many one-night stands?
Those aren't in my repertoire, so zero.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Huh, I don't rightly know. I watch Castle and Mythbusters, so maybe one of those?
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't think so.
26. What was the best book you read?
Probably the whole Scott Pilgrim series. I don't think I read any "real" books, just comic books -_- I ought to get on that.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I discovered a couple of musical groups from hanging out with Chet, and they were quite nice, but I'm not sure anything really gripped me as the "greatest" musical discovery.
28. What did you want and get?
New monitor for Yggdrasil. Apothecary jars.
29. What did you want and not get?
Spinning wheel. Timbuk2 bag. Awesome non-leather boots. The perfect military-style jacket. That green glass footed candy dish at Grandma's house.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Haha... lemme think. Maybe How to Train Your Dragon, because Toothless is so adorable ^_^ Star Trek was pretty cool, too, though <3
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Did the usual, spent it with parents. I turned 27 :( I'm so old ;_;
32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
The perfect spinning wheel. A satisfying romantic relationship and/or a house of my own. Also, a fireplace would have been lovely.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
T-shirt & jeans, or a random top from the selection of random stuff Mom has bought me over the years. I need to find some better non-tee tops/blouses that are comfortable to wear. And maybe some comfortable non-jean pants for work. And probably some cute jackets.
34. What kept you sane?
Friends and knitting, probably, although it is also debatable whether or not I was in fact kept sane.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Not sure I really fancied celebrities? I liked Nathan Fillion and Simon Pegg a whole lot, but not romantically. I guess Norman Reedus might count, but I don't like his Walking Dead character much at all and he's kind of an old mini-crush (from original Boondock Saints). Oh, maybe new!Kirk or new!Checkov. Eh, maybe. Probably character crushes.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Hmn, was I stirred by anything political this year? o_0 I pay so little attention to politics because I really don't need extra depression in my life...
37. Who did you miss?
I'm not sure what this question is asking? I guess I miss my Grandma, although if she hadn't died, I'm also not sure she would recognize or remember me, so I'm not sure that counts.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Oh geez. I met a lot of cool folks in AZ, and then there's Fran at work who is really interesting (if a complete other generation from me) and I'm fond of Max's new girlfriend Rebecca? I don't know.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
I'm a fighter, not a lover; however, I have run out of fight. Now what?
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Um... I can't think of one :(
Okay, future me, get to work on becoming a better me!
Sincerely,
Oraxia of 2010