A Weekend Lesson
Who the hell am I kidding...I don't want sex...I want a steady relationship.
And yet, with my rigorous schedule and my obsessive compulsive desire to practice 2 to 4 hours a day, no woman would ever have the patience to deal with me. You'd never see me. Even if there was a woman who was that patient, my general stoicism towards relationships has killed me. I've been accused of not being able to show love. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that that is because I've never been in love. I've had 3 big long term relationships in my life, and at the onset of each and everyone of them I thought I was in love. And yet as time went on, I realized that I had mistaken love for lust. But was I smart enough to do something? No. I did nothing. I did nothing because I was to afraid to break the girls heart. Now, there are ex girlfriends who hate me and call me an asshole because of it.
I can't fault them for that, I did act like an asshole. I toyed around with their hearts. I thought I was in love with them, I told them I was...and when I realized I wasn't in love I kept saying it anyway, and the stoicism started to creep in. But I was too afraid...too afraid to do anything to change the status quo. But procrastination, as it always does made everything worse in the end.
I want to know what it's like to be in love. I'm sick of lusting after people...I want to find one woman who can envision themself growing old with me, and having beautiful children, and a nice family, and settling down, and live the american dream...teaching music
"It is only with one's heart that one can see clearly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."-Antoine De Saint-Exupery from the Little Prince
This philosophical truth can be taken on many levels. However, on the issue of love, I now believe that it's a double-edged sword. Love is something that is seen clearly with the heart. However, Everything that I've written in the above paragraph is really my brain lamenting about my heart's actions. I've trusted my heart for years when it screamed out love...and I was betrayed. I still do believe that in matters of love it is the heart that dictates. But after being betrayed, I do believe that the heart is a double edged sword.
I'm jealous of people who have felt love. People who have felt love and have been hurt are better off than I. For those of you out there, at least you've felt love. At least you've felt pure happiness. At least you know what it's like to be completely swept off of your feet head over heels for someone.
I wish I knew...I wish I knew...
And yet, with my rigorous schedule and my obsessive compulsive desire to practice 2 to 4 hours a day, no woman would ever have the patience to deal with me. You'd never see me. Even if there was a woman who was that patient, my general stoicism towards relationships has killed me. I've been accused of not being able to show love. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that that is because I've never been in love. I've had 3 big long term relationships in my life, and at the onset of each and everyone of them I thought I was in love. And yet as time went on, I realized that I had mistaken love for lust. But was I smart enough to do something? No. I did nothing. I did nothing because I was to afraid to break the girls heart. Now, there are ex girlfriends who hate me and call me an asshole because of it.
I can't fault them for that, I did act like an asshole. I toyed around with their hearts. I thought I was in love with them, I told them I was...and when I realized I wasn't in love I kept saying it anyway, and the stoicism started to creep in. But I was too afraid...too afraid to do anything to change the status quo. But procrastination, as it always does made everything worse in the end.
I want to know what it's like to be in love. I'm sick of lusting after people...I want to find one woman who can envision themself growing old with me, and having beautiful children, and a nice family, and settling down, and live the american dream...teaching music
"It is only with one's heart that one can see clearly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."-Antoine De Saint-Exupery from the Little Prince
This philosophical truth can be taken on many levels. However, on the issue of love, I now believe that it's a double-edged sword. Love is something that is seen clearly with the heart. However, Everything that I've written in the above paragraph is really my brain lamenting about my heart's actions. I've trusted my heart for years when it screamed out love...and I was betrayed. I still do believe that in matters of love it is the heart that dictates. But after being betrayed, I do believe that the heart is a double edged sword.
I'm jealous of people who have felt love. People who have felt love and have been hurt are better off than I. For those of you out there, at least you've felt love. At least you've felt pure happiness. At least you know what it's like to be completely swept off of your feet head over heels for someone.
I wish I knew...I wish I knew...