im so, very difficult.

Feb 03, 2009 23:34

i'm hard headed

i have a bad temper.

i don't know if I always think I'm right and just stop listening
in the heat of the moment I speak without thinking.
I never say what I mean.
I have to change how I say things so many times before it ever comes out right.

scott told me this.
jodi hinted at it.

and you have been telling me this for five years.

and i'm so tired of fighting and worn down that i think you got through.

it's all me, it always has been.

i'm trying to understand, do I do this because I really think and feel I have a reason..
or do I do it just for that fight..
for that spark..
to know I'm still here and things are worth fighting for?

why can't it be nice?
relaxing?
pleasant ALL the time.

is it really all me?

that book made a lot of sense and I am worried.

if this is true I don't know how I can live with myself
knowing for five years how much I have put you through.

I don't know what to do .

i love you- beyond the strongest feelings ever imaginable.

and I want you to be happy.
and if I did this to you for five years
all because something so stupid.
so insignificant.

i really, really don't know.
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