i'm going crazy and i don't know why.

[orangez14]

sometimes i let things get to me to hard
my heart beats so fast and i cant catch my breath
my face turns red and burns and i get light headed
my nose burns
and my legs and arms and ears tingle.

i guess thats how powerful life is.

like just a minute ago i was looking at baby pics

and i freaked out.

something so tiny and helpless
that depends on you just to live
much less be comfortable
and you have everything in the world to do
plus take care of this beautiful, frightening little person

and thinking about it.. i use to want that.

when i was 18 i wanted marriage and i wanted a baby.

and now, it freaks me out.

and that point that it freaks me out that i use to want that freaks me out.

Who have I become and I'm still changing... for what though?
am I going to become steadily freaked out by things like that?
having a baby is something that makes life beautiful
and it scared the crap out of me.

maybe it's the fact that it's not the right time...
but how do you know when is?
is there really a right time?

i guess thats when you hve to be a strong enough person to roll with life.
make the best out of whatever.

lord im thinking way too much into this.