a journey
so i guess chris is right..
you gotta do for you.
and i went to church a week ago
and what he said, some of the things i didnt agree with...
but I put it into what would make sense for me
so I was inspired
basically, I have to stop putting Lesean first
Its breaking me down and holding me back bc all i can do is think of him.
also, im reading a book.. co-dependent no more.
which will take a lot of work not to be like that
i think it runs in my family
but if I'm aware of it I can work on it.
I know this sounds cheesy but I've tried it for a week..
and my life already feels a little more at ease
I think I have direction now
but my point is to put God first and above everything
not saying to ask him how to tie my shoe laces or take away my free will
but just keep in mind that every spur of the moment thought
or every want that i have..
not to go jump off a bridge for it, head first into deep water.
instead, take time to think about it, sleep on it, be rational.
my life is a mess right now
but i don't think that is too unusual for a twenty two year old these days
i know what I want to do
infact there is a lot of things I want, that might be the problem
I'm trying for too much right now
kinda like...
you can be decent at a million things
or you can be great at a few things.
i still love him..
i always will.. just bc he is THAT person that your heart will always be open to.
everyone has a person like that
and he's my person.
i talked to jodi, she understands..
tim and her have been apart 2 years and she still loves him like that
even though she doesnt want anything to do with him
and my mom still loves my dad like that.. after 17 years
and so many other people I know..
so that's my way of making sense of it all
and being ok with it
and moving on to better me...
to make ME all that I CAN BE.
and to tell you the truth.. I'm glad it happened the way it did.
I'm in love still
and this lesson could have been MUCH harder to learn
but I guess the hard part is still to come.
this time I know what I'm walking in to.
being lonely, forcing myself to get up in the mornings
forcing my self to get out of this damn shell.
I use to not have this shell.. i use to be so social
somewhere along the line I shut myself off.
and I have to make myself flip that switch.
meanwhile, I work on me.
I brought alot of stuff with me this time that I can do
instead of just watch T.V.
and I just have to keep reminding myself..
God first.
you gotta do for you.
and i went to church a week ago
and what he said, some of the things i didnt agree with...
but I put it into what would make sense for me
so I was inspired
basically, I have to stop putting Lesean first
Its breaking me down and holding me back bc all i can do is think of him.
also, im reading a book.. co-dependent no more.
which will take a lot of work not to be like that
i think it runs in my family
but if I'm aware of it I can work on it.
I know this sounds cheesy but I've tried it for a week..
and my life already feels a little more at ease
I think I have direction now
but my point is to put God first and above everything
not saying to ask him how to tie my shoe laces or take away my free will
but just keep in mind that every spur of the moment thought
or every want that i have..
not to go jump off a bridge for it, head first into deep water.
instead, take time to think about it, sleep on it, be rational.
my life is a mess right now
but i don't think that is too unusual for a twenty two year old these days
i know what I want to do
infact there is a lot of things I want, that might be the problem
I'm trying for too much right now
kinda like...
you can be decent at a million things
or you can be great at a few things.
i still love him..
i always will.. just bc he is THAT person that your heart will always be open to.
everyone has a person like that
and he's my person.
i talked to jodi, she understands..
tim and her have been apart 2 years and she still loves him like that
even though she doesnt want anything to do with him
and my mom still loves my dad like that.. after 17 years
and so many other people I know..
so that's my way of making sense of it all
and being ok with it
and moving on to better me...
to make ME all that I CAN BE.
and to tell you the truth.. I'm glad it happened the way it did.
I'm in love still
and this lesson could have been MUCH harder to learn
but I guess the hard part is still to come.
this time I know what I'm walking in to.
being lonely, forcing myself to get up in the mornings
forcing my self to get out of this damn shell.
I use to not have this shell.. i use to be so social
somewhere along the line I shut myself off.
and I have to make myself flip that switch.
meanwhile, I work on me.
I brought alot of stuff with me this time that I can do
instead of just watch T.V.
and I just have to keep reminding myself..
God first.