(no subject)

[orangez14]

you realize you're parents aren't always right and they really
don't know everything on Earth.

when you're a kid, or at least when i was.. i felt safe
because my mom knew almost everything.. she never told me
she did but I always just thought it. and i felt safe..

then i start getting older and realize that my parents
really don't know everything, but they still know alot and
if there is ever anything i need answered then they can help
me or give some advice.

but lately im finding that they really don't.. im giving them advice
i think they're actually more lost than I am. and one thing I can't stand is the
values that we're installed in me (which are very good ones and
have gone with me since day one) by mother, and i've worked very
hard to keep them with me.. she's going back on.

and that scares the living shit out of me for some reason.
i shouldn't care as much, but it shocks me. because she's MADE
me live up to them all along, and now SHE'S slipping.

like when you say you're going to do something, do it. or when
i was little and i had a problem with my looks and she said it
didnt matter what anyone else thought as long as I was happy
with me. everything that had to do with insecurities..

but now.. she's not that anymore.

it's hard to look up to her when she does that. there is a very
strong side to her.. but it makes me wonder sometimes.

and i hate it.. the one person i thought who would never
do that is beginning to.

i will never become that.