ahem....
so it is possible I over reacted a bit at the severity of my situation on Monday. Admittedly I was in a bad place and the mounting pressure is certainly messing up my brain. Regardless.....the truth of the matter is though meager I have some money and it pays the rent, not much else but I have rent. I just freak out because I owe money and anyone who knows Orange knows how much I HATE owing money, I hate borrowing it, and mostly I hate asking for help! The problem is that I just want it removed so that it isn't hanging over my head and some of them are hindering me from some things and that makes the pressure all that much worse. But in retrospect I have a place to live for at least another month and through till november basically if I need to and that is something more. I have been worse off than this and I didn't break. I just feel like my spirit and resolve to continue to push on is continuously being squashed and berated. The biggest issue is that my confidence in myself, my abilities has suffered huge blows and I just have to focus and hope it all works out.