again with you....
oh Brian,... how you make me smile. i've missed you. And dont ya know it,... i finally get back to you just in time for me to leave,... again. But thats how it always goes, doesnt it? It will always be like this. Around, and around, and around in circles. Always bad timing and bad mistakes.... Thats our story. But i miss it anyways, and i always will. We cant help ourselves, for some reason. For reasons unknown, 2 years later, despite all the things we've been through, i can still feel the same way about u as i did on that 18th day of December when u made me the happiest ive ever been. You can still give me those looks, and i will undoubtably fall to pieces, and you know it. All of our little inside jokes and phrases still go through my mind every so often. But at the same time it seems kind of pointless, to love someone so much, and so desperately; When our desperate attempts at getting what we want and deserve just end up in both or one of us devistated beyond belief. Im not sure where its taking us, either this is a test or time is simply keeping me a prisoner a while longer. but its probably just to the same place its been. Nowhere; A constant longing and desperation, but with no hope. i guess i have become accoustomed to it now, despite the awkwardness of it. But id rather be near you for 5 times a year than to never be near u at all. i miss you, and love you, and u know exactly what i mean. I'm sorry fo everything, and i know u tell me that its ok everytime i appologize for it, but its really not. i blame myself for where we are now,... who knows where we could be in our relationship if it wasnt for me? I always mess up the good things that i cant get back...