At Night - A Poem
At Night
There’s a specific loneliness
When you’re the only one awake
But you’re not the only one in your home
The furnace hums but it’s still colder
As you try to live quietly
Make yourself small
Do not disturb
Are you breathing too loud?
To be a cat and not care
He lays belly up, contorted
Paws on his face
As if the world is too much
He snores
Your spouse snores
Yet you worry about your nose whistling
as you inhale in a room void of human company
At night you can hear your thoughts
Like the clacking chaos of rolling marbles
Hitting each other and shooting into all directions
That email you need to send
That hair cut you should schedule
The oil change tomorrow
The milk
Your beloved pet lifeless in your arms
How long it’s been since your spouse said “I love you”
How temporary everything is
You watch a sitcom with a laugh track
To block it out
You adjust the volume to single digits
Hearing laughter with no context
Mumble mumble HA HA HA
Mindlessness usually helps you sleep
At night your lungs feel heavier
The weight of words unsaid
Of tears bottled up
Distilling in the cask of your chest
Waiting for a good year to be shared
You’re lonely for things you can’t have
For feelings once felt
Soft, lived in, like your favorite sweatshirt
Memories you could call home
Oh
This is yearning
You realize as you became part of the sofa
And your heart wilts
It’s not as romantic as it sounds
Yearning
No corsets or doublets
Just PJs and slipper socks
Unable to sleep at midnight
Wishing you could go back in time
Or forward in time
Anywhere in time
But here-
Where everything is so unclear
Where your eyes are dirty window panes-
Are you breathing too loud?
Can you be seen at all?
You promise you can be small
Hahahahahahahahaha
You won’t take up too much room in their heart.
There’s a specific loneliness
When you’re the only one awake
But you’re not the only one in your home
The furnace hums but it’s still colder
As you try to live quietly
Make yourself small
Do not disturb
Are you breathing too loud?
To be a cat and not care
He lays belly up, contorted
Paws on his face
As if the world is too much
He snores
Your spouse snores
Yet you worry about your nose whistling
as you inhale in a room void of human company
At night you can hear your thoughts
Like the clacking chaos of rolling marbles
Hitting each other and shooting into all directions
That email you need to send
That hair cut you should schedule
The oil change tomorrow
The milk
Your beloved pet lifeless in your arms
How long it’s been since your spouse said “I love you”
How temporary everything is
You watch a sitcom with a laugh track
To block it out
You adjust the volume to single digits
Hearing laughter with no context
Mumble mumble HA HA HA
Mindlessness usually helps you sleep
At night your lungs feel heavier
The weight of words unsaid
Of tears bottled up
Distilling in the cask of your chest
Waiting for a good year to be shared
You’re lonely for things you can’t have
For feelings once felt
Soft, lived in, like your favorite sweatshirt
Memories you could call home
Oh
This is yearning
You realize as you became part of the sofa
And your heart wilts
It’s not as romantic as it sounds
Yearning
No corsets or doublets
Just PJs and slipper socks
Unable to sleep at midnight
Wishing you could go back in time
Or forward in time
Anywhere in time
But here-
Where everything is so unclear
Where your eyes are dirty window panes-
Are you breathing too loud?
Can you be seen at all?
You promise you can be small
Hahahahahahahahaha
You won’t take up too much room in their heart.