update
time to babble as they would say. fucking all this random stuff thats going on with berklee is just irritating me.. all the random ass forms that need turned in all the stuff that has been apparently required that hasnt been brought to my attention until its immediately due, is pissing me off. im just trying to get it done. anyhow. went to kennywood today first time in a long time with ashleigh and had a great time. i really miss hanging with her, and ashley hull and people i honestly dont see often anymore. im trying to have a decent 4th! i work a little these days i am constantly spending money it seems but i dont mind, im looking forward in every aspect. i need to practice my upright. that hasnt gone so swimmingly. i miss emily, she is coming home soon and im looking forward to that coming back party. i miss good times with my bandmates. i want to write sick music,, and i want to share it with them but they just arent as competent as i once believed. i get real discouraged. as i do in social statuses. hanging with kt has gone down one hundred fold. we barely talk anymore. she seems to really dislike me.. and for what i dont know. i dont understand being perfectly civil with someone and not even being dignified a response. its fucked in my opinion. the numerous girls i thought i might be hanging with these days.. not really happening everyone is too busy. just getting some isnt as worth it as i thought. i really want to make a girl happy and be perfect. i need to start reading up on my music theory again and getting in shape for that placement exam. i need to get in shape physically. my looks have also decreased in my opinion. girls may say otherwise idk. i wish i was skinnier but nothing seems to work. i have horrid eating habits. i started smoking pot. it relaxes me. and i like feeling an actual high that i can control and not worry. i want to hang with ethan, curran and zach more. it never works though. why is there so many things on my mind. regardless its time to start the next step of my life