Drunk Dialed

Jan 09, 2007 15:33

The following is the transcript of a phone message I received at roughly 6 am from a Durham, NC lab assistant and mother of one. It's most enjoyable if you read it aloud with a slight southern accent.

This is the beginning of an extremely detailed message.
So I left my house at roughly 4:30 last night and like the traffic was really bad and it was raining and blah blah blah and it was like
stop go
stop go
stop... oops hit a car.

Totally got accordianed and totaled my car but good luck cause Steph and Ethan picked me up on the way. Then we went to Charlotte, saw a bunch of tits. I wanted to make out with the bartender but I didn't have time. We left, some guy stole Ethan's camera or something.
and like
He was a big douche.

so...

so we left,
We came back to the room we jumped on each other a bunch Steph got in the shower and pulled me in. I think we like scissored.

We scissored

it was pretty much awesome.

We made out a little bit in the car. We definitely did call Michael and I think he was uncomfortable about it.

anyway

And then we came home Then we did all this butt fucking
or whatever it is that we do... when we get together.

We definitely did not drink a bunch of wine and spit it all over ourselves.
We did have good food but
I did smash a ranch packet on the ceiling
and it did get all over Stephie's elbow
which prompted her shower with her clothes on
then she did some sort of strip tease
and her vagina said "rock star."

And then I guess there were a bunch of pile ups
I had a hat on
there was a brush

then

I guess I fell asleep

Then Austin peed at 9 am

roughly

and I woke up
and Stephanie's like "quit being a cunt"
and I was like "don't call me a cunt"
and I hate that word.
Actually none of that happened.

then

Stephanie got in the shower and grabbed some pop rocks, cut it open, poured it on her head and was like "needles and ants!!!"

And I was like Ha... ha

And then we decided we were gonna give blow jobs with pop rocks. Do you want one?
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