shell
I am the only thing that stands in my way. I don't believe in myself, that I am good enough to have friends or achieve the things I dream. I seem to be passing this on to Pooka. She told her counselor that she isn't the type of kid that anyone would want if they didn't have to, and I thought it was Angie always being so down on her, but maybe it is my lack of self worth that makes her feel this way.
The medication has me my moods more or less stable. And I feel as though I am just repeating the same things in therapy. I am probably ready to go back into the world, though I am not convinced that anything is really fixed. I can't bring myself to forgive the people who have wronged me or even to confront them. I wonder if I sabotage my own attempts to change. From the outside things look better; she's in a nicer school and thriving, I am more involved in her life. But I am not doing the simple things I should. I hate to call my doctors even when I know I need to. I am making no attempt to get back in college. I am not even trying to save for my own car anymore, even though life without one will be near impossible.
I am apathetic. I know the things I am doing are not enough. I don't even know if I can take the next step. People used to tell me that I was smart and strong. In truth I am weak. I would rather have someone else make my decisions and give in to the tide.
The medication has me my moods more or less stable. And I feel as though I am just repeating the same things in therapy. I am probably ready to go back into the world, though I am not convinced that anything is really fixed. I can't bring myself to forgive the people who have wronged me or even to confront them. I wonder if I sabotage my own attempts to change. From the outside things look better; she's in a nicer school and thriving, I am more involved in her life. But I am not doing the simple things I should. I hate to call my doctors even when I know I need to. I am making no attempt to get back in college. I am not even trying to save for my own car anymore, even though life without one will be near impossible.
I am apathetic. I know the things I am doing are not enough. I don't even know if I can take the next step. People used to tell me that I was smart and strong. In truth I am weak. I would rather have someone else make my decisions and give in to the tide.