Finally.
i have this urge to write something - anything - right now. it's funny that i decided to blog 1 minute before it's october 19..
actually, it's not funny. i don't feel a thing. FINALLY, october 19 feels like an ordinary day.
what happened a few nights ago was the worst i've felt in my life so far. i've never felt so small, so rejected, so unwanted, so ugly, so pathetic, so unworthy, so hurt, so humiliated, so puny, so hopeless, so helpless. true story.
that was also the night i realized that i didn't know the person in front of me. he wasn't the guy i met and fell in love with in highschool, he wasn't the guy i grew up with in college. no. i didn't know him. he was someone else. he was a stranger.
now, i can see clearly. i've been disillusioned with memories and false hopes, but that's over now. i know the truth, and i've accepted it. finally.
now you're a song i love to sing
never thought it'd feel so free
now i know what's meant to be
and that's okay with me
i tried listening to those songs that reminded me of you, to see if i'd still cry. i didn't. i didn't feel a thing.
mission accomplished, sir. you successfully pushed me away. how far? far enough. i don't see the future i hoped for us anymore, i don't see any future for us. and if that's how it should be, then so be it.
i admit that i cried again when i got home. i admit that i prayed to God that He take away the pain because i could not bear it anymore. i admit that i cried for almost an hour until i fell asleep... and that's the last time i'll cry because of you.
i hope you're happy. i don't mean it in a sarcastic way. i genuinely hope you're happy, really happy. i wouldn't know anymore if you were because i won't be able to feel it with you, so i just hope you are, where ever you are and where ever you will be.
i thought it would be worth it.
i thought waiting would be worth it.
but it's not.
it's not worth the pain anymore.
actually, it's not funny. i don't feel a thing. FINALLY, october 19 feels like an ordinary day.
what happened a few nights ago was the worst i've felt in my life so far. i've never felt so small, so rejected, so unwanted, so ugly, so pathetic, so unworthy, so hurt, so humiliated, so puny, so hopeless, so helpless. true story.
that was also the night i realized that i didn't know the person in front of me. he wasn't the guy i met and fell in love with in highschool, he wasn't the guy i grew up with in college. no. i didn't know him. he was someone else. he was a stranger.
now, i can see clearly. i've been disillusioned with memories and false hopes, but that's over now. i know the truth, and i've accepted it. finally.
now you're a song i love to sing
never thought it'd feel so free
now i know what's meant to be
and that's okay with me
i tried listening to those songs that reminded me of you, to see if i'd still cry. i didn't. i didn't feel a thing.
mission accomplished, sir. you successfully pushed me away. how far? far enough. i don't see the future i hoped for us anymore, i don't see any future for us. and if that's how it should be, then so be it.
i admit that i cried again when i got home. i admit that i prayed to God that He take away the pain because i could not bear it anymore. i admit that i cried for almost an hour until i fell asleep... and that's the last time i'll cry because of you.
i hope you're happy. i don't mean it in a sarcastic way. i genuinely hope you're happy, really happy. i wouldn't know anymore if you were because i won't be able to feel it with you, so i just hope you are, where ever you are and where ever you will be.
i thought it would be worth it.
i thought waiting would be worth it.
but it's not.
it's not worth the pain anymore.