Perfect Cities 29/?
Perfect Cities: 29/?
Title: Honest
Characters: Étienne, Edward
Genre: IDK
Rating for this chapter: T+
Pairings: None
Summary: Étienne and Edward talk.
Perfect Cities
Honest
Perfect Cities
Honest
Étienne sat with his back to the wall; knees propped up, and gazed up at the night sky. He took a swig of his beer and wished he had a cigarette. He knew he had another pack inside, but that would mean moving.
It was a clear night out and there were only a few clouds covering up the stars. It wasn’t too chilly and he could hear the crickets mingling with his vagabond thoughts. He had come out for some fresh air and to step away from the conversation he had been trying to have with Edward.
He still wasn’t sure why Edward had showed up on his doorstep, uninvited, but Étienne had opened his front door to find his friend - or former friend, former lover, the man he still had unsolved feelings for, even though they were done - standing there, looking as unsure as he felt. Étienne had genuinely thought about closing the door and hiding in his bedroom, but instead his brain had overridden the command and had let Edward in.
They had tiptoed around each other for a while until Étienne had motioned that he was going outside. Having Edward over woke up feelings he thought he had long ago put away. He didn’t want to think about them - avoided thinking about them as much as possible and ran away from them any other time.
He had tried his best. Really. After Edward left, Étienne had coped as best as he could. He had feigned moving on, had buried Edward under large amounts of alcohol, men, and women, but they had only done so much. But he was fine, really. He was supposed to be fine. He was Étienne. He did not love.
But then again, he was supposed to be many things and all he ever managed to do was fail.
The screen door clacked shut beside him and Étienne looked up to find Edward standing on his porch, looking hesitant and almost timid.
“It’s a nice night out.” He tried cautiously.
Étienne shrugged and looked away, avoiding Edward, avoiding everything he could say and should have said years ago.
“Do you mind if I sit?”
Étienne remained placid and Edward chose to interpret it as an invitation. He waited a moment longer and then plopped himself beside him, adopting a similar sitting position. They didn’t exchange any words and remained pensive, letting the crickets and sounds of the night fill the air around them.
It was a while before they dared say or do anything, but finally, Edward let out a sigh and bumped his knee against Étienne’s. The other man spared him a glance and quickly looked away, putting as much distance as he could between them.
“Do you think - can we -” Edward started and stopped, unsure where he wanted to go with his train of thought. This was frustrating. It hadn’t always been like this between them and sometimes he missed having Étienne the Friend. He missed being able to talk shit about something and hang out. He was happy with his life and it always seemed that this thing with Étienne left him with a small gaping hole in his chest where he wanted Étienne to be, in one shape or form.
“Do you ever wonder -” Étienne rasped out, voice above a whisper, “If maybe things could have gone differently between us?”
Edward looked away from the sky and to Étienne. He was shocked. He would have never, in his lifetime, thought of hearing Étienne ask such a question.
“What do you mean?” He asked cautiously, not wanting to scare Étienne off from wherever he was going with this.
“I don’t know. Do you?” He took a sip from his beer and paused. “If something had been different, maybe we would still - maybe - maybe you wouldn’t avoid me like a plague.” It was finally out in the air and now he would only have to hope that Edward didn’t reject him again.
There was something about the way Étienne had said those words that made Edward wonder if his friend wasn’t bitter, maybe a little hurt. The problem was, Edward wasn’t even avoiding Étienne. At least, not really. It was hard. Complicated. Unresolved.
“Maybe if you had been honest with me.” Edward murmured, quiet and to himself.
He recalled all those times when he had wondered if he had ever meant anything to Étienne. All those nights when he had stayed up wondering why he bothered when it felt like he was the one constantly giving. Those times when he had wondered if Étienne was simply using him and if he even meant anything to the other man.
“Christ,” Étienne spat out. “Everyone is always going on about honesty. All the time honesty. Do you think it’s easy being honest when your life’s been nothing but a disappointment to others? Do you think I wanted to be honest and lay myself bare only for you to be disappointed as well? To leave like everyone else? Which - you still did. So that shows you that. But whatever, that’s fine. That’s fine because you were still disappointed, but at least I wasn’t honest. So tell me, what good would it have done if I had been honest?” Étienne chucked the empty beer can against the fence and heard it thud dully against the metal grid. “Anyways, I was honest.” He started, calmer. “I told you I didn’t do relationships. I told you who I was.” He sighed and passed a hand through his matted hair.
“At first, maybe, but you changed just as much as I have. Things changed between us. That’s when you needed to be honest.”
“And we’d still be here, so what’s the point? Everyone tires of me, even you.”
“You need to stop thinking like this.” Edward snapped, annoyed. “You need to stop thinking people will leave you and that you need to appeal to everyone. You can’t connect with everyone. Give us a chance.”
The words hung heavy between them. After having known Étienne for so many years, he had come to understand certain things about his personality. He had never called him out on it, but Edward felt that now was a good time. Perhaps too late for them, but maybe it could help Étienne for the future.
“I know. On a logical level, I know. But it’s hard. I just - you wanted me to be honest? I miss you. I miss having you around. I miss what we were. Or not. Or just. Your company. What we could have been. You. I miss you.”
Edward stilled for a moment, tried to catch his breath and calm his erratic beating heart. It was one thing wondering and another when Étienne said things. It was so strange and unusual to hear Étienne speak from the heart that he didn’t know how to react.
“If I’m honest as well... I miss you too.”
He gave Étienne a tentative smile and scooted closer to him, closing the distance between them. He put his head down on Étienne’s shoulder and felt the other man still and finally slowly relax as he let out a long breath.
“Do you think we can try to be friends?”
Edward nodded and sought Étienne’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “I’d like to think we can. I don’t think you’re a terrible person, y’know?”
“I don’t think you’re a terrible person either.” Étienne added.
“Then let’s try that - being friends. Being honest.”
“Okay.”
FIN 29
Started writing: February 21st 2017, 9:37pm
Finished writing: February 21st 2017, 10:50pm
Started typing: April 17th 2017, 11:25am
Finished typing: April 17th 2017, 12:28pm
Title: Honest
Characters: Étienne, Edward
Genre: IDK
Rating for this chapter: T+
Pairings: None
Summary: Étienne and Edward talk.
Perfect Cities
Honest
Perfect Cities
Honest
Étienne sat with his back to the wall; knees propped up, and gazed up at the night sky. He took a swig of his beer and wished he had a cigarette. He knew he had another pack inside, but that would mean moving.
It was a clear night out and there were only a few clouds covering up the stars. It wasn’t too chilly and he could hear the crickets mingling with his vagabond thoughts. He had come out for some fresh air and to step away from the conversation he had been trying to have with Edward.
He still wasn’t sure why Edward had showed up on his doorstep, uninvited, but Étienne had opened his front door to find his friend - or former friend, former lover, the man he still had unsolved feelings for, even though they were done - standing there, looking as unsure as he felt. Étienne had genuinely thought about closing the door and hiding in his bedroom, but instead his brain had overridden the command and had let Edward in.
They had tiptoed around each other for a while until Étienne had motioned that he was going outside. Having Edward over woke up feelings he thought he had long ago put away. He didn’t want to think about them - avoided thinking about them as much as possible and ran away from them any other time.
He had tried his best. Really. After Edward left, Étienne had coped as best as he could. He had feigned moving on, had buried Edward under large amounts of alcohol, men, and women, but they had only done so much. But he was fine, really. He was supposed to be fine. He was Étienne. He did not love.
But then again, he was supposed to be many things and all he ever managed to do was fail.
The screen door clacked shut beside him and Étienne looked up to find Edward standing on his porch, looking hesitant and almost timid.
“It’s a nice night out.” He tried cautiously.
Étienne shrugged and looked away, avoiding Edward, avoiding everything he could say and should have said years ago.
“Do you mind if I sit?”
Étienne remained placid and Edward chose to interpret it as an invitation. He waited a moment longer and then plopped himself beside him, adopting a similar sitting position. They didn’t exchange any words and remained pensive, letting the crickets and sounds of the night fill the air around them.
It was a while before they dared say or do anything, but finally, Edward let out a sigh and bumped his knee against Étienne’s. The other man spared him a glance and quickly looked away, putting as much distance as he could between them.
“Do you think - can we -” Edward started and stopped, unsure where he wanted to go with his train of thought. This was frustrating. It hadn’t always been like this between them and sometimes he missed having Étienne the Friend. He missed being able to talk shit about something and hang out. He was happy with his life and it always seemed that this thing with Étienne left him with a small gaping hole in his chest where he wanted Étienne to be, in one shape or form.
“Do you ever wonder -” Étienne rasped out, voice above a whisper, “If maybe things could have gone differently between us?”
Edward looked away from the sky and to Étienne. He was shocked. He would have never, in his lifetime, thought of hearing Étienne ask such a question.
“What do you mean?” He asked cautiously, not wanting to scare Étienne off from wherever he was going with this.
“I don’t know. Do you?” He took a sip from his beer and paused. “If something had been different, maybe we would still - maybe - maybe you wouldn’t avoid me like a plague.” It was finally out in the air and now he would only have to hope that Edward didn’t reject him again.
There was something about the way Étienne had said those words that made Edward wonder if his friend wasn’t bitter, maybe a little hurt. The problem was, Edward wasn’t even avoiding Étienne. At least, not really. It was hard. Complicated. Unresolved.
“Maybe if you had been honest with me.” Edward murmured, quiet and to himself.
He recalled all those times when he had wondered if he had ever meant anything to Étienne. All those nights when he had stayed up wondering why he bothered when it felt like he was the one constantly giving. Those times when he had wondered if Étienne was simply using him and if he even meant anything to the other man.
“Christ,” Étienne spat out. “Everyone is always going on about honesty. All the time honesty. Do you think it’s easy being honest when your life’s been nothing but a disappointment to others? Do you think I wanted to be honest and lay myself bare only for you to be disappointed as well? To leave like everyone else? Which - you still did. So that shows you that. But whatever, that’s fine. That’s fine because you were still disappointed, but at least I wasn’t honest. So tell me, what good would it have done if I had been honest?” Étienne chucked the empty beer can against the fence and heard it thud dully against the metal grid. “Anyways, I was honest.” He started, calmer. “I told you I didn’t do relationships. I told you who I was.” He sighed and passed a hand through his matted hair.
“At first, maybe, but you changed just as much as I have. Things changed between us. That’s when you needed to be honest.”
“And we’d still be here, so what’s the point? Everyone tires of me, even you.”
“You need to stop thinking like this.” Edward snapped, annoyed. “You need to stop thinking people will leave you and that you need to appeal to everyone. You can’t connect with everyone. Give us a chance.”
The words hung heavy between them. After having known Étienne for so many years, he had come to understand certain things about his personality. He had never called him out on it, but Edward felt that now was a good time. Perhaps too late for them, but maybe it could help Étienne for the future.
“I know. On a logical level, I know. But it’s hard. I just - you wanted me to be honest? I miss you. I miss having you around. I miss what we were. Or not. Or just. Your company. What we could have been. You. I miss you.”
Edward stilled for a moment, tried to catch his breath and calm his erratic beating heart. It was one thing wondering and another when Étienne said things. It was so strange and unusual to hear Étienne speak from the heart that he didn’t know how to react.
“If I’m honest as well... I miss you too.”
He gave Étienne a tentative smile and scooted closer to him, closing the distance between them. He put his head down on Étienne’s shoulder and felt the other man still and finally slowly relax as he let out a long breath.
“Do you think we can try to be friends?”
Edward nodded and sought Étienne’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “I’d like to think we can. I don’t think you’re a terrible person, y’know?”
“I don’t think you’re a terrible person either.” Étienne added.
“Then let’s try that - being friends. Being honest.”
“Okay.”
FIN 29
Started writing: February 21st 2017, 9:37pm
Finished writing: February 21st 2017, 10:50pm
Started typing: April 17th 2017, 11:25am
Finished typing: April 17th 2017, 12:28pm