Family Affairs 25.1/28
Title: Family Affairs
Chapter 25.1/28: Have a Very Merry
Characters: Canada, Prussia, Ontario, Québec, British Columbia, Alberta, Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alaska, Nunavut, Yukon, North West Territories, Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland, Labrador, France, England, America
Author: Orangepencils
Genre: Romance, Family, Humor
Rating for this chapter: T for language
Warnings: Human names used.
Pairings: PrussiaxCanada
Summary: A look into the "family" life of Canada, Prussia and two of Canada's boys; Québec and Ontario. Fun times ahead guaranteed! How will the boys deal with Prussia and how will Prussia deal with the "kids"?
This chapter summary: Matthew has the whole family over for Christmas. Insert chaos here.
Family Affairs
Have a Very Merry
Ehh, it’s a long chapter, okay?
Disclaimer: Mother of God, so many effing characters!
Warning: Read if you may. You might laugh.
Thanks to P. for the ideas and for making sure I had Canadian Christmas right. There’s just so much Italian that is not Canadian.
Merry Christmas? In advance?
Andrei = Alaska
Family Affairs
Have a Very Merry
Gilbert was sitting in the living room, reading the paper when Matthew came up to him and sat on his lap.
“Hey, Birdie.”
“Hey Gil…” Matthew cuddled close to him and put his arms around the older man’s shoulders.
“You know I love you, right? And I think you’re awesome?” He murmured as he placed kisses on Gilbert’s neck and jaw line.
“Hmmm… Matt?...”
“Tu es absolument fantastique…”/ “You are absolutely fantastic…” Matthew sat closer to him and kissed him deeply. Prussia was surprised, but quick to respond to the kiss, as he placed his own arms around his lover’s body; when they pulled away, he quirked an eyebrow at the younger man.
“Alright, what’s up?” It was cute to see Canada try to pretend nothing was the matter.
“Nothing… can’t I just want to spend some time with you?”
“Yes… but when you start stroking my ego like that it’s because there’s something unpleasant you want to tell me.” Matthew looked at him and was quiet. Then he pouted and Gilbert laughed.
“No fair. What gave me away?”
“Seriously, Matt? The French… you only use it when -” The blonde cut him off before he could go on.
“Okay, you made your point.” Gilbert smirked and took advantage of the proximity to pass a hand under Canada’s shirt and stroke the small of his back.
“So, spill, what is it this time?”
“Well… eum… Christmas is coming up and… on the twenty-fourth we’re going to see my brother to celebrate Christmas Eve with his family and eum… the twenty-fifth the kids, Alfred minus his brood, Arthur and even Francis are coming over for supper…” Matthew gave him a hopeful, nervous, little smile and Gilbert stared back at him blankly.
“Gil?”
“…”
“… Are you really that mental, Matt?”
“Euh… maybe?” Prussia sighed and was quiet for a moment.
“What if I had plans for the holidays? Like, what if I was going to spend Christmas with my brother?” Matthew’s eyes widened; he hadn’t even thought of that.
“Oh, eum, well, in that case… ah… well, then that… well… I’m sorry! I assumed you’d be spending it here and that was silly of me and mnnnghh-!” Gilbert cut him off by kissing him once more. Matthew held on to him a little longer and sighed into the embrace.
“I was kidding. My brother’s spending it with Feliciano and his brother. Feli I can handle; Lovino… I’ll leave that to Antonio. Specs and Elizaveta are going away this year, and plus I’m curious to see how this is going to turn out with your entire family.” He added with a loud cackle.
“Oh, gee, thanks, you’re so kind. And here I thought you wanted to spend the holidays with me.” Matthew said sarcastically as he poked Gilbert’s stomach.
“I thought I was awesome and you loved me.”
“Hmm… you are and I do… that’s why I’m going to make it up to you when the holidays are over.” He smirked seductively at him and played with the collar of his shirt.
“Oh? And how did you plan on making it up to me, if I may ask?”
“I was thinking… the week after, I could take a few days off and we could go up North… just the two of us… no cell phones, no computers and… no kids.” Matthew finished by whispering in his ear.
“Mmh, I like that. A lot. Especially the last part.” Canada chuckled.
“I knew you would. I thought you’d like to spend some quality time; just the two of us… and you’ve been so nice with me and the kids. I figured you deserved a little reward.”
“Ah, I’m glad then… d’you think I could get one now? Since I’ve been so good and all…” Prussia ventured as he brought his hands higher on Canada’s back.
“Hmm… I don’t know… how good have you been this year?” Matthew whispered as he started unbuttoning his lover’s shirt.
“I don’t know… there were times when a certain someone made me act very naughty.” He murmured back as he let out a little moan when he felt Matthew’s hands on his chest.
“That doesn’t count.”
“Then I suppose I was mostly awesome and good. Well, always awesome. Mostly good.”
“Then you get a present.” Gilbert grinned as Matthew leaned forward and kissed him again.
--
They were busy making out on the couch, Matthew still sitting on Gilbert’s lap and grinding against the older man, Gilbert’s shirt was removed a long time ago, hands roaming on each other’s bodies and Gilbert’s hands were gripping Matthew’s behind with force.
“I’d laugh… if your kids walked in… again.” Prussia said between kisses.
“Shh! Don’t say that! You’ll jinx us.”
“True. By the way, I like your… little hat. It’s very festive.” He added as he played with the white puff ball attached to Matthew’s Santa hat.
“Thanks, but how about we forget the hat and pass to something else, eh?” Gilbert smirked at Matthew.
“But of course.” Prussia pulled him close yet again and was just about to remove said hat, when they were startled out of their embrace.
“S-Santa?! What are you doing?! Oh my God, Dad?!” Matthew literally flew off of Gilbert’s lap.
“Jesus Christ; Edmond?! What are you doing here? I thought you were only coming tomorrow. Oh God, you couldn’t - ugh, this is so -”
“Ew… why were you and Gilbert… oh ew… I slept on that couch… Dad…. I thought you were Santa!” Gilbert tried hard not to laugh, but found it extremely difficult to do so.
“Shut up, you. You’re not helping.” Matthew hissed to his lover.
“Look, Eddy, this is normal for people who love each other… and why would you think I looked like Santa Claus?”
“Your hat and sweater… and… are you one of Santa’s elves?!”
“Eddy… Eddy, please tell me you don’t… you’re not…” Alberta cut him off.
“You know Santa!”
“Honey, Santa… he… he’s not as real as you think he is. Didn’t we go through this last year?” Prussia had to take a pillow and laugh into it when he saw Alberta’s crestfallen expression.
“But… but Vincent told me-”
“That boy is so dead.” And then Gilbert just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
--
Christmas morning proved to be a very interesting thing. When Matthew told him they would be flying home instead of taking the car, he h wondered why, but when he saw how much food they still had to prepare, coupled with the fresh snow on the roads, he understood why.
He didn’t like the idea of getting up after what seemed like a very short night of sleep, but he did so anyway and went to help Matthew. He was very well surprised when he found Jean-Pierre in his pyjama pants at the kitchen stove making cranberry sauce.
For a moment, he thought he was hallucinating. Then dreaming. And then he wondered what exactly Alfred put in his drink last night.
“Should I be worried?” He finally opted to ask Matthew.
“Behold; the Christmas miracle.” His lover told him with a chuckle.
“Seriously Matt; is this some alternate dimension or something?”
“No; this is Jean helping me with Christmas dinner. A word of friendly advice; don’t talk to him. He’ll only grunt at best. Just let him do whatever it is he’s doing and stay out of his way.” Prussia nodded and swore he heard a grunt coming from what he labelled “caveman” Jean-Pierre.
--
Somehow or other, the three of them managed to get everything ready with the help of the others, and around two o’clock, Jean disappeared to go and get some sleep. The last of the preparations and final touches were added and by six thirty, everyone was more or less awake and there. As per tradition, everyone had something to bring to add to the meal. Victoria brought a plate of Nanaimo bars, Samuel brought the eggnog, or at least, whatever he hadn’t drunk on the way there and Vincent was allowed in the kitchen long enough to make mashed potatoes, before Jean kicked him out. The only reason he was let in was because everyone in the family knew Vincent made absolutely fantastic mashed potatoes.
Of course, Matthew made sure to make plenty of tourtière. He also made chicken and gravy, like every year, which would get his brother to complain and protest there was no turkey, like every year, and Matthew would remind him he preferred to eat food that was not shot with chemicals, like every year. Then Edmond would complain as well, like every year, side with his uncle and the two would list the pros and cons of turkey, until they were quite literally stuffed a bite of chicken and then they would shut up for another year.
Then Arthur would make sure to bring extra rum and Francis would make his special béchamel sauce and Aileen, Louise and Lucy would bring extra dessert in case they ran out. To top it all off, there would be the ever so present Christmas log and if they were still hungry after that, then they could cook their own food.
--
“Mattie, why did you make me sit here? Aren’t I cool enough to get to sit at the head of the table?” Alfred asked his brother as they ate.
“Maaaaattttttt… your table is hurting my hero fooooot!”
“Maaaaaatttt; your table hates me!” Finally Matthew lost it. It wasn’t his fault his brother was sitting where there was the leg of one of the two tables they were using.
“For the last time, Alfred, the seats were assigned randomly with only one exception and that was my seat. See, I’m sitting close to the kitchen so I can get the food and bring it out faster.” Matthew rolled his eyes at his brother.
“So the fact I’m sitting between Arthur and your mental child and you’re sitting next to your boy toy has nothing to do with any of your planning?”
“Ugh, no it doesn’t. And he’s not my boy to - Al, don’t say that so loudly! My kids are here.”
“S’okay, Uncle Alfred, we’re not as stupid as Dad thinks we are.” Victoria interjected.
“Yeah, we know what goes on between Dad and Gilbert.” Alfred laughed loudly as Matthew sputtered and turned beet red.
“Really guys, really?! We can’t eat; have a nice meal without talking about this? Didn’t I raise you better?”
“Of course you did, but it’s a hard thing to ignore when you’re sleeping in the guest room next to your room.”
“Aileen! That’s enough. Okay, changing subject time…” Despite how hard Matthew tried to start a different conversation, it seemed the others were too amused by it.
“Mais il n’y a rien de mal avec ça, Mathieu. C’est bon d’avoir une vie sexuelle ardente et passionnée!”/ “But there’s nothing wrong with that, Matthew. It’s good to have a passionate love life!” Francis added with a flourish.
“Ça m’aide vraiment pas.”/ “That doesn’t really help me.” Canada found himself praying for a distraction of any kind and then came to regret it and cursed himself for not specifying what he wanted in his distraction.
“You’re awfully quiet, Nana. Too busy thinking about Andrei?” Aileen smirked as she asked her sister. Tunana blushed deeply and tried to regain her composure.
“N-no! Ew, why would I even think about him?”
“You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him yesterday.” Nova Scotia commented.
“Yeah, you looooooove him. C’mon, admit it!” British Columbia said as she scooted closer to her two sisters.
“I do not! Don’t be so ridiculous.”
“You’re all red in the face and you’ve stopped coming over to watch the RCMP train. C’mon, everyone knows you like him.”
“Quit saying such stupid things!”
“Riiight. Please, it says so on your face. And you were so pathetic just staring at him last night.” Louise joined in much to the surprise of her sisters.
“Ugh, not you too! I told you, I don’t like him. He’s just a family annoyance.” The sisters exchanged a look between them which clearly meant they didn’t believe Yukon.
“But Nana, why then did I find a scribbled note in your bedroom with your name and his name in a heart?” Lucy asked innocently even though everyone knew better than to be fooled by her innocent demeanour.
“… You went in my room?! I’m so going to kill you, you little shit! And how did you find that?! I had it hidden -” She stopped herself when she realised what she was saying. Prince Edward Island smiled gleefully and high fived Nova Scotia.
“Oh… now you’re really dead. You tricked me! You didn’t even know that paper existed. Ugh, I hate you.”
“Just shut up already, Nana, you’re only making it worse for yourself.” Manitoba told her with a sigh.
“So it’s true then? You like Andrei?” Rupert asked his sister as he scooted closer to her. Yukon groaned.
“No. Leave me alone. I don’t.”
“I’ll have to have a talk with him then, if that’s the case. There’s no way I’m letting him off the hook that easily.”
“Shut up. He’s not like that anymore. He’s -” Again, she cut herself off.
“I’m telling you, Tunana, quit while you still can.” Louise mentioned once more while the others sniggered and smirked.
“I hate you guys.”
“But you love Andrei.” The comment from Aileen sent the others roaring with laughter and Tunana chose to ignore them for the rest of the meal.
--
“Papaaaaaa, when are we going to open the presents?” John asked a few hours later as they ate their salad.
“When you stop trying to look like the idiot.” Alberta told him from across the table.
“And by idiot you mean yourself?” Vincent asked. The comment caused some to laugh.
“No. I meant you. You’re the idiot. Why would anyone want to look like you? Johnny, you should forget about your glasses, comb your hair differently and wear a hat! Hats are in style now.”
“Maybe, but not cowboy hats.” Gail interjected.
“Shut up, Gail.”
“You shut up. Leave them alone.”
“It’s okay, Gailie, I can take care of Squeak by myself.” Vincent told her.
“But what’s wrong with the glasses?” John asked, trying to get a word in.
“They’re ugly.”
“You’re ugly.” Ontario told Alberta.
“When was the last time you saw yourself in a mirror?”
“When was the last time you bathed?”
“This morning!” Edmond defended himself.
“It doesn’t look like it. Your hair is a fucking grease pit. Or should I say, oil pit.”
“Vincent, language!” Matthew reprimanded him, but it fell on deaf ears.
“At least I have oil.”
“At least I’m clean and have values.”
“At least I’m not involved.” Saskatchewan told no one in particular as she rolled her eyes.
“But why can’t I wear my glasses?!” Newfoundland practically shouted over his two brothers. Ontario and Alberta quit their arguing and looked at their youngest brother.
“Because it makes you look like him.” Edmond pointed to Vincent.
“So? What’s wrong with that? I like looking like Vincent. Why d’you think I’m wearing a red shirt? Wow, Ed, you really are as stupid as the others say.” The comment got Edmond to effectively pipe down, while Vincent laughed loudly.
“Ha! See, in your face, Squeak! Johnny wants to be like me, so there.”
“Ugh, whatever.”
“Yeah, that’s right, go drown your sorrows in your ginger ale. And put some shoes on or something; your feet stink.”
“I already have slippers on.”
“Boots would be better, or you just leaving.”
“At least no one’s finding mysterious feet at my place.” Vincent looked at him funny.
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, Vic keeps finding severed feet at her place. That’s just weird.” Alberta declared as he looked at his sister.
“You better watch it, dumbass, or I’ll cut yours off in your sleep and then we won’t have to smell them anymore.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Try me.” And by the gleam in her eyes, Edmond knew if she really wanted to and no one was around to stop her, she probably would attempt it.
--
Chapter 25.1/28: Have a Very Merry
Characters: Canada, Prussia, Ontario, Québec, British Columbia, Alberta, Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alaska, Nunavut, Yukon, North West Territories, Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland, Labrador, France, England, America
Author: Orangepencils
Genre: Romance, Family, Humor
Rating for this chapter: T for language
Warnings: Human names used.
Pairings: PrussiaxCanada
Summary: A look into the "family" life of Canada, Prussia and two of Canada's boys; Québec and Ontario. Fun times ahead guaranteed! How will the boys deal with Prussia and how will Prussia deal with the "kids"?
This chapter summary: Matthew has the whole family over for Christmas. Insert chaos here.
Family Affairs
Have a Very Merry
Ehh, it’s a long chapter, okay?
Disclaimer: Mother of God, so many effing characters!
Warning: Read if you may. You might laugh.
Thanks to P. for the ideas and for making sure I had Canadian Christmas right. There’s just so much Italian that is not Canadian.
Merry Christmas? In advance?
Andrei = Alaska
Family Affairs
Have a Very Merry
Gilbert was sitting in the living room, reading the paper when Matthew came up to him and sat on his lap.
“Hey, Birdie.”
“Hey Gil…” Matthew cuddled close to him and put his arms around the older man’s shoulders.
“You know I love you, right? And I think you’re awesome?” He murmured as he placed kisses on Gilbert’s neck and jaw line.
“Hmmm… Matt?...”
“Tu es absolument fantastique…”/ “You are absolutely fantastic…” Matthew sat closer to him and kissed him deeply. Prussia was surprised, but quick to respond to the kiss, as he placed his own arms around his lover’s body; when they pulled away, he quirked an eyebrow at the younger man.
“Alright, what’s up?” It was cute to see Canada try to pretend nothing was the matter.
“Nothing… can’t I just want to spend some time with you?”
“Yes… but when you start stroking my ego like that it’s because there’s something unpleasant you want to tell me.” Matthew looked at him and was quiet. Then he pouted and Gilbert laughed.
“No fair. What gave me away?”
“Seriously, Matt? The French… you only use it when -” The blonde cut him off before he could go on.
“Okay, you made your point.” Gilbert smirked and took advantage of the proximity to pass a hand under Canada’s shirt and stroke the small of his back.
“So, spill, what is it this time?”
“Well… eum… Christmas is coming up and… on the twenty-fourth we’re going to see my brother to celebrate Christmas Eve with his family and eum… the twenty-fifth the kids, Alfred minus his brood, Arthur and even Francis are coming over for supper…” Matthew gave him a hopeful, nervous, little smile and Gilbert stared back at him blankly.
“Gil?”
“…”
“… Are you really that mental, Matt?”
“Euh… maybe?” Prussia sighed and was quiet for a moment.
“What if I had plans for the holidays? Like, what if I was going to spend Christmas with my brother?” Matthew’s eyes widened; he hadn’t even thought of that.
“Oh, eum, well, in that case… ah… well, then that… well… I’m sorry! I assumed you’d be spending it here and that was silly of me and mnnnghh-!” Gilbert cut him off by kissing him once more. Matthew held on to him a little longer and sighed into the embrace.
“I was kidding. My brother’s spending it with Feliciano and his brother. Feli I can handle; Lovino… I’ll leave that to Antonio. Specs and Elizaveta are going away this year, and plus I’m curious to see how this is going to turn out with your entire family.” He added with a loud cackle.
“Oh, gee, thanks, you’re so kind. And here I thought you wanted to spend the holidays with me.” Matthew said sarcastically as he poked Gilbert’s stomach.
“I thought I was awesome and you loved me.”
“Hmm… you are and I do… that’s why I’m going to make it up to you when the holidays are over.” He smirked seductively at him and played with the collar of his shirt.
“Oh? And how did you plan on making it up to me, if I may ask?”
“I was thinking… the week after, I could take a few days off and we could go up North… just the two of us… no cell phones, no computers and… no kids.” Matthew finished by whispering in his ear.
“Mmh, I like that. A lot. Especially the last part.” Canada chuckled.
“I knew you would. I thought you’d like to spend some quality time; just the two of us… and you’ve been so nice with me and the kids. I figured you deserved a little reward.”
“Ah, I’m glad then… d’you think I could get one now? Since I’ve been so good and all…” Prussia ventured as he brought his hands higher on Canada’s back.
“Hmm… I don’t know… how good have you been this year?” Matthew whispered as he started unbuttoning his lover’s shirt.
“I don’t know… there were times when a certain someone made me act very naughty.” He murmured back as he let out a little moan when he felt Matthew’s hands on his chest.
“That doesn’t count.”
“Then I suppose I was mostly awesome and good. Well, always awesome. Mostly good.”
“Then you get a present.” Gilbert grinned as Matthew leaned forward and kissed him again.
--
They were busy making out on the couch, Matthew still sitting on Gilbert’s lap and grinding against the older man, Gilbert’s shirt was removed a long time ago, hands roaming on each other’s bodies and Gilbert’s hands were gripping Matthew’s behind with force.
“I’d laugh… if your kids walked in… again.” Prussia said between kisses.
“Shh! Don’t say that! You’ll jinx us.”
“True. By the way, I like your… little hat. It’s very festive.” He added as he played with the white puff ball attached to Matthew’s Santa hat.
“Thanks, but how about we forget the hat and pass to something else, eh?” Gilbert smirked at Matthew.
“But of course.” Prussia pulled him close yet again and was just about to remove said hat, when they were startled out of their embrace.
“S-Santa?! What are you doing?! Oh my God, Dad?!” Matthew literally flew off of Gilbert’s lap.
“Jesus Christ; Edmond?! What are you doing here? I thought you were only coming tomorrow. Oh God, you couldn’t - ugh, this is so -”
“Ew… why were you and Gilbert… oh ew… I slept on that couch… Dad…. I thought you were Santa!” Gilbert tried hard not to laugh, but found it extremely difficult to do so.
“Shut up, you. You’re not helping.” Matthew hissed to his lover.
“Look, Eddy, this is normal for people who love each other… and why would you think I looked like Santa Claus?”
“Your hat and sweater… and… are you one of Santa’s elves?!”
“Eddy… Eddy, please tell me you don’t… you’re not…” Alberta cut him off.
“You know Santa!”
“Honey, Santa… he… he’s not as real as you think he is. Didn’t we go through this last year?” Prussia had to take a pillow and laugh into it when he saw Alberta’s crestfallen expression.
“But… but Vincent told me-”
“That boy is so dead.” And then Gilbert just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
--
Christmas morning proved to be a very interesting thing. When Matthew told him they would be flying home instead of taking the car, he h wondered why, but when he saw how much food they still had to prepare, coupled with the fresh snow on the roads, he understood why.
He didn’t like the idea of getting up after what seemed like a very short night of sleep, but he did so anyway and went to help Matthew. He was very well surprised when he found Jean-Pierre in his pyjama pants at the kitchen stove making cranberry sauce.
For a moment, he thought he was hallucinating. Then dreaming. And then he wondered what exactly Alfred put in his drink last night.
“Should I be worried?” He finally opted to ask Matthew.
“Behold; the Christmas miracle.” His lover told him with a chuckle.
“Seriously Matt; is this some alternate dimension or something?”
“No; this is Jean helping me with Christmas dinner. A word of friendly advice; don’t talk to him. He’ll only grunt at best. Just let him do whatever it is he’s doing and stay out of his way.” Prussia nodded and swore he heard a grunt coming from what he labelled “caveman” Jean-Pierre.
--
Somehow or other, the three of them managed to get everything ready with the help of the others, and around two o’clock, Jean disappeared to go and get some sleep. The last of the preparations and final touches were added and by six thirty, everyone was more or less awake and there. As per tradition, everyone had something to bring to add to the meal. Victoria brought a plate of Nanaimo bars, Samuel brought the eggnog, or at least, whatever he hadn’t drunk on the way there and Vincent was allowed in the kitchen long enough to make mashed potatoes, before Jean kicked him out. The only reason he was let in was because everyone in the family knew Vincent made absolutely fantastic mashed potatoes.
Of course, Matthew made sure to make plenty of tourtière. He also made chicken and gravy, like every year, which would get his brother to complain and protest there was no turkey, like every year, and Matthew would remind him he preferred to eat food that was not shot with chemicals, like every year. Then Edmond would complain as well, like every year, side with his uncle and the two would list the pros and cons of turkey, until they were quite literally stuffed a bite of chicken and then they would shut up for another year.
Then Arthur would make sure to bring extra rum and Francis would make his special béchamel sauce and Aileen, Louise and Lucy would bring extra dessert in case they ran out. To top it all off, there would be the ever so present Christmas log and if they were still hungry after that, then they could cook their own food.
--
“Mattie, why did you make me sit here? Aren’t I cool enough to get to sit at the head of the table?” Alfred asked his brother as they ate.
“Maaaaattttttt… your table is hurting my hero fooooot!”
“Maaaaaatttt; your table hates me!” Finally Matthew lost it. It wasn’t his fault his brother was sitting where there was the leg of one of the two tables they were using.
“For the last time, Alfred, the seats were assigned randomly with only one exception and that was my seat. See, I’m sitting close to the kitchen so I can get the food and bring it out faster.” Matthew rolled his eyes at his brother.
“So the fact I’m sitting between Arthur and your mental child and you’re sitting next to your boy toy has nothing to do with any of your planning?”
“Ugh, no it doesn’t. And he’s not my boy to - Al, don’t say that so loudly! My kids are here.”
“S’okay, Uncle Alfred, we’re not as stupid as Dad thinks we are.” Victoria interjected.
“Yeah, we know what goes on between Dad and Gilbert.” Alfred laughed loudly as Matthew sputtered and turned beet red.
“Really guys, really?! We can’t eat; have a nice meal without talking about this? Didn’t I raise you better?”
“Of course you did, but it’s a hard thing to ignore when you’re sleeping in the guest room next to your room.”
“Aileen! That’s enough. Okay, changing subject time…” Despite how hard Matthew tried to start a different conversation, it seemed the others were too amused by it.
“Mais il n’y a rien de mal avec ça, Mathieu. C’est bon d’avoir une vie sexuelle ardente et passionnée!”/ “But there’s nothing wrong with that, Matthew. It’s good to have a passionate love life!” Francis added with a flourish.
“Ça m’aide vraiment pas.”/ “That doesn’t really help me.” Canada found himself praying for a distraction of any kind and then came to regret it and cursed himself for not specifying what he wanted in his distraction.
“You’re awfully quiet, Nana. Too busy thinking about Andrei?” Aileen smirked as she asked her sister. Tunana blushed deeply and tried to regain her composure.
“N-no! Ew, why would I even think about him?”
“You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him yesterday.” Nova Scotia commented.
“Yeah, you looooooove him. C’mon, admit it!” British Columbia said as she scooted closer to her two sisters.
“I do not! Don’t be so ridiculous.”
“You’re all red in the face and you’ve stopped coming over to watch the RCMP train. C’mon, everyone knows you like him.”
“Quit saying such stupid things!”
“Riiight. Please, it says so on your face. And you were so pathetic just staring at him last night.” Louise joined in much to the surprise of her sisters.
“Ugh, not you too! I told you, I don’t like him. He’s just a family annoyance.” The sisters exchanged a look between them which clearly meant they didn’t believe Yukon.
“But Nana, why then did I find a scribbled note in your bedroom with your name and his name in a heart?” Lucy asked innocently even though everyone knew better than to be fooled by her innocent demeanour.
“… You went in my room?! I’m so going to kill you, you little shit! And how did you find that?! I had it hidden -” She stopped herself when she realised what she was saying. Prince Edward Island smiled gleefully and high fived Nova Scotia.
“Oh… now you’re really dead. You tricked me! You didn’t even know that paper existed. Ugh, I hate you.”
“Just shut up already, Nana, you’re only making it worse for yourself.” Manitoba told her with a sigh.
“So it’s true then? You like Andrei?” Rupert asked his sister as he scooted closer to her. Yukon groaned.
“No. Leave me alone. I don’t.”
“I’ll have to have a talk with him then, if that’s the case. There’s no way I’m letting him off the hook that easily.”
“Shut up. He’s not like that anymore. He’s -” Again, she cut herself off.
“I’m telling you, Tunana, quit while you still can.” Louise mentioned once more while the others sniggered and smirked.
“I hate you guys.”
“But you love Andrei.” The comment from Aileen sent the others roaring with laughter and Tunana chose to ignore them for the rest of the meal.
--
“Papaaaaaa, when are we going to open the presents?” John asked a few hours later as they ate their salad.
“When you stop trying to look like the idiot.” Alberta told him from across the table.
“And by idiot you mean yourself?” Vincent asked. The comment caused some to laugh.
“No. I meant you. You’re the idiot. Why would anyone want to look like you? Johnny, you should forget about your glasses, comb your hair differently and wear a hat! Hats are in style now.”
“Maybe, but not cowboy hats.” Gail interjected.
“Shut up, Gail.”
“You shut up. Leave them alone.”
“It’s okay, Gailie, I can take care of Squeak by myself.” Vincent told her.
“But what’s wrong with the glasses?” John asked, trying to get a word in.
“They’re ugly.”
“You’re ugly.” Ontario told Alberta.
“When was the last time you saw yourself in a mirror?”
“When was the last time you bathed?”
“This morning!” Edmond defended himself.
“It doesn’t look like it. Your hair is a fucking grease pit. Or should I say, oil pit.”
“Vincent, language!” Matthew reprimanded him, but it fell on deaf ears.
“At least I have oil.”
“At least I’m clean and have values.”
“At least I’m not involved.” Saskatchewan told no one in particular as she rolled her eyes.
“But why can’t I wear my glasses?!” Newfoundland practically shouted over his two brothers. Ontario and Alberta quit their arguing and looked at their youngest brother.
“Because it makes you look like him.” Edmond pointed to Vincent.
“So? What’s wrong with that? I like looking like Vincent. Why d’you think I’m wearing a red shirt? Wow, Ed, you really are as stupid as the others say.” The comment got Edmond to effectively pipe down, while Vincent laughed loudly.
“Ha! See, in your face, Squeak! Johnny wants to be like me, so there.”
“Ugh, whatever.”
“Yeah, that’s right, go drown your sorrows in your ginger ale. And put some shoes on or something; your feet stink.”
“I already have slippers on.”
“Boots would be better, or you just leaving.”
“At least no one’s finding mysterious feet at my place.” Vincent looked at him funny.
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, Vic keeps finding severed feet at her place. That’s just weird.” Alberta declared as he looked at his sister.
“You better watch it, dumbass, or I’ll cut yours off in your sleep and then we won’t have to smell them anymore.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Try me.” And by the gleam in her eyes, Edmond knew if she really wanted to and no one was around to stop her, she probably would attempt it.
--