bittersweet (an ArcherxJasmine fic)
Two kids. Both girls, with bright blue hair, his hair. Smiling. Cheerful. Full of life. Just like she used to be.
Every time he left on yet another one of his “business trips”, it always was this way.
If I tell you
Will you listen?
Will you stay?
Will you be here forever?
Never go away?
Jasmine laughed at herself, bitter and hollow. No, she answers to herself. Of course he wouldn’t. And it was selfish to want it like she did. He was his own person, and there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop it.
People told her to leave before it was too late. Offered her better alternatives. Told her to worry about herself for once, that he was not right for her, that this was not right at all.
Every time, though, she always put on her best smile, one reminiscent of her natural smile years ago, and said the same thing: she loved him, and that she needed to be there for him when he returned, when he walked in through that door and greeted him in his sweet, gentle manner.
The first part of that was the truth, and never would not be. With all her heart, with all her soul, she loved him for everything that he was.
She wanted to believe that he felt the same.
Never thought things would change.
Hold me tight;
Please don't say again
That you have to go.
He didn’t need her. Never did, never would. She recognized this, accepted this, and wanted little in return; the occasional phone call when he was away and some affection when he was not was all. He was good about it at first, making a point of telling her that he was thinking about her right before she crawled into a bed made for two.
Some nights, those words alone would keep her awake to the early hours of the morning. But slowly, those calls became few and far in between, to the point that she was lucky if she heard his voice at all.
She pretended that everything was okay.
A bitter thought:
I had it all,
But I just let it go.
Oh, this silence,
It's so violent,
Since you’re gone.
For him, she gave up a future she had been working toward since day one, cut ties with the league in favor of starting a family, tossed her books on coordinating in order to be at home more. She didn’t mind too much, though; it was for him, so it was okay in the end.
All my thoughts are with you forever
Until the day we'll be back together;
I will be waiting for you.
Even if she had to be alone, aching, it was okay.
. . . Lance didn’t believe her. He made a point of staying close, helping her, not leaving her alone anymore and instilling doubt into her mind. He wanted her to confide in him, wanted her to believe that he was not the enemy at all, but by her side.
It was the first time she had allowed herself to cry in anyone’s arms.
If I had told you,
You would have listened;
You had stayed,
You would be here forever,
Never went away.
Words, her words, the truth, began slipping out faster and faster. She couldn’t stop it and, for whatever reason, she didn’t want to stop it.
She was hurting, she was aching, she was lonely, she was breaking, she wanted him to hold her, to be there, to let her cry in his shoulder and for him to simply tell her that whatever was wrong would be okay and for it to not feel forced.
He was angry, naturally. He stayed with her longer, simply lingering in her home, being not a burden but a support for the crumbling girl.
. . . Archer’s return was inevitable. He was hurt, naturally. His voice was sharp as he yelled at Lance, told him that he did not belong, and then turned his focus to Jasmine. He was about to lash out, but she had beaten him to it.
It would never have been the same;
All our time
Would have been in vain
‘Cause you had to go.
She was screaming now, her voice strained and raw; all she had kept locked away, her feelings, her protests, her truths . . . she wanted him to know and understand.
The sweetest thought,
I had it all,
‘Cause I did let you go.
Her vision was clouded, but she could tell that he was looking at her blankly.
He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand, and that hurt far more than anything else.
Her hand found its way to a wine glass, but Lance was the first to act, the first to throw it so it shattered mere inches away from his head.
Without a second thought, Archer turned and ran, never to return.
All our moments
Keep me warm
When you're gone.
He was gone, forever.
. . . It hurt. It hurt her so much to see the scene again and again and again and again, stuck on repeat, haunting her mind endlessly, reminding her of her mistakes, her failures, what she did wrong.
Lance assured her that one day she’d get over it, that it was for the best and the memory would fade eventually, that now everything was okay and that she could be happy again.
She didn’t want any of that.
All my thoughts are with you forever
Until the day we'll be back together.
Two kids. Both girls, with bright blue hair, his hair. Smiling. Cheerful. Full of life. Just like she struggled to be now, just for them.
A silver band, wrapped snug around her finger. Bright. Vibrant. Beautiful. But missing its match, its partner, its soul mate. Just like she was.
Despite it all, she would give up anything in the world to have him back.
I will be waiting for you.
Every time he left on yet another one of his “business trips”, it always was this way.
If I tell you
Will you listen?
Will you stay?
Will you be here forever?
Never go away?
Jasmine laughed at herself, bitter and hollow. No, she answers to herself. Of course he wouldn’t. And it was selfish to want it like she did. He was his own person, and there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop it.
People told her to leave before it was too late. Offered her better alternatives. Told her to worry about herself for once, that he was not right for her, that this was not right at all.
Every time, though, she always put on her best smile, one reminiscent of her natural smile years ago, and said the same thing: she loved him, and that she needed to be there for him when he returned, when he walked in through that door and greeted him in his sweet, gentle manner.
The first part of that was the truth, and never would not be. With all her heart, with all her soul, she loved him for everything that he was.
She wanted to believe that he felt the same.
Never thought things would change.
Hold me tight;
Please don't say again
That you have to go.
He didn’t need her. Never did, never would. She recognized this, accepted this, and wanted little in return; the occasional phone call when he was away and some affection when he was not was all. He was good about it at first, making a point of telling her that he was thinking about her right before she crawled into a bed made for two.
Some nights, those words alone would keep her awake to the early hours of the morning. But slowly, those calls became few and far in between, to the point that she was lucky if she heard his voice at all.
She pretended that everything was okay.
A bitter thought:
I had it all,
But I just let it go.
Oh, this silence,
It's so violent,
Since you’re gone.
For him, she gave up a future she had been working toward since day one, cut ties with the league in favor of starting a family, tossed her books on coordinating in order to be at home more. She didn’t mind too much, though; it was for him, so it was okay in the end.
All my thoughts are with you forever
Until the day we'll be back together;
I will be waiting for you.
Even if she had to be alone, aching, it was okay.
. . . Lance didn’t believe her. He made a point of staying close, helping her, not leaving her alone anymore and instilling doubt into her mind. He wanted her to confide in him, wanted her to believe that he was not the enemy at all, but by her side.
It was the first time she had allowed herself to cry in anyone’s arms.
If I had told you,
You would have listened;
You had stayed,
You would be here forever,
Never went away.
Words, her words, the truth, began slipping out faster and faster. She couldn’t stop it and, for whatever reason, she didn’t want to stop it.
She was hurting, she was aching, she was lonely, she was breaking, she wanted him to hold her, to be there, to let her cry in his shoulder and for him to simply tell her that whatever was wrong would be okay and for it to not feel forced.
He was angry, naturally. He stayed with her longer, simply lingering in her home, being not a burden but a support for the crumbling girl.
. . . Archer’s return was inevitable. He was hurt, naturally. His voice was sharp as he yelled at Lance, told him that he did not belong, and then turned his focus to Jasmine. He was about to lash out, but she had beaten him to it.
It would never have been the same;
All our time
Would have been in vain
‘Cause you had to go.
She was screaming now, her voice strained and raw; all she had kept locked away, her feelings, her protests, her truths . . . she wanted him to know and understand.
The sweetest thought,
I had it all,
‘Cause I did let you go.
Her vision was clouded, but she could tell that he was looking at her blankly.
He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand, and that hurt far more than anything else.
Her hand found its way to a wine glass, but Lance was the first to act, the first to throw it so it shattered mere inches away from his head.
Without a second thought, Archer turned and ran, never to return.
All our moments
Keep me warm
When you're gone.
He was gone, forever.
. . . It hurt. It hurt her so much to see the scene again and again and again and again, stuck on repeat, haunting her mind endlessly, reminding her of her mistakes, her failures, what she did wrong.
Lance assured her that one day she’d get over it, that it was for the best and the memory would fade eventually, that now everything was okay and that she could be happy again.
She didn’t want any of that.
All my thoughts are with you forever
Until the day we'll be back together.
Two kids. Both girls, with bright blue hair, his hair. Smiling. Cheerful. Full of life. Just like she struggled to be now, just for them.
A silver band, wrapped snug around her finger. Bright. Vibrant. Beautiful. But missing its match, its partner, its soul mate. Just like she was.
Despite it all, she would give up anything in the world to have him back.
I will be waiting for you.