Aiki chronicles: Arian am not
So, I was back in Aiki class last night. This lady asks me when's my birthday. I told her April and she asks, "So what is it, Aries or Taurus?"
I replied Aries.
And she tells me I'm not a typical Arian and that she hasn't seen me behave like an Arian. She even mentions one of the guys out there, Michelle if I heard correctly, and says she's typical Arian.
Hmmm... I don't know if I'm miffed or not.
I said, well, Aikido is not my thing, it's movements and I'm very bad at movements so I tend to stay at the 'back of the class'.
But come to think of it, I've never really been one of the rowdy ones. I've always been quiet and a bit of a loner during high school. I was 'drawn out' during college, but still, I wasn't one of the boisterous ones. I believed in doing 'my thing'. I don't care if they liked me or not, I knew what I can do and even if they don't like me, I'll do 'my thing'. Don't get ideas now, as I said, I wasn't one of the rebellious kids -- at least not then. Example: we had bulletin board competitions back in high school so during the brainstorming session, I suggested a design to the class which was turned down. I liked my idea so I enlisted in the poster making competition and used it there. I won the 'Most Symbolic' award. Our class bulletin board didn't win anything. Later, people started approaching me to partner up in art competitions because I usually ended up winning one prize or another.
I am and I guess will never ever be the life of the party. I don't like noisy getogethers. I prefer a sit-down dinner, a beach bonfire or a drinking session where you can talk. Not just listen to mind-numbing noisy bands, but talking, about life, love, big ideas, movies, the universe and aliens. I can be the social butterfly but only when I'm in the mood for it. It's a zone I get into or have to get into. I can befriend the most difficult people, but then again, I am also a difficult person. I can instantly 'not like' a person. I can just flare out or transform from calm to war freak in an instant. I can hold a grudge that will never seem to die.
I can make a list of all the achievements I've had. And all the failures. But does that make me an Arian?
Arians blaze ahead in life, armed with big ideas that if or when it doesn't catch on, fizzles (more often than not) to nothing then they move on to the next project. They embrace life with gusto. They are fiery, headstrong and determined. They are courageous and imbued with leadership qualities, ready for action and always looking for exciting things to do. Aries fight for what they believe in and their greatest strenght is overcoming their fear.
I take up Aikido not only because I am facinated with martial arts; I take it because I am not good in movements. I take it because I am short and weak, and Aikido says you can conquer this. I don't take it so that I can beat people up, I honestly believe that I will never be in a situation where it will be of practical use - well, except for the exams. Being there, is a step into conquering my fear. No matter how hard or how slow, I am learning to remember my right from my left.
But I also notice, that my 'drive' is weakening. I'm not as up for adventure as I used to -- weekend campings have lost its appeal. I still, occassionally wall climb, but as I climb, I realize I'm starting to develop a fear of heights. I am not as hasty in making travel plans nor as open in investing in relationships.
Aiki lady tells me that I must have a 'reserve' which I haven't tapped into yet.
Maybe, or maybe the reserve was quite shallow and I've drained it all up.
Or maybe, the accident of my birthdate simply mixed up the faiths...
Am I blazing? Or am I just fizzling?
I replied Aries.
And she tells me I'm not a typical Arian and that she hasn't seen me behave like an Arian. She even mentions one of the guys out there, Michelle if I heard correctly, and says she's typical Arian.
Hmmm... I don't know if I'm miffed or not.
I said, well, Aikido is not my thing, it's movements and I'm very bad at movements so I tend to stay at the 'back of the class'.
But come to think of it, I've never really been one of the rowdy ones. I've always been quiet and a bit of a loner during high school. I was 'drawn out' during college, but still, I wasn't one of the boisterous ones. I believed in doing 'my thing'. I don't care if they liked me or not, I knew what I can do and even if they don't like me, I'll do 'my thing'. Don't get ideas now, as I said, I wasn't one of the rebellious kids -- at least not then. Example: we had bulletin board competitions back in high school so during the brainstorming session, I suggested a design to the class which was turned down. I liked my idea so I enlisted in the poster making competition and used it there. I won the 'Most Symbolic' award. Our class bulletin board didn't win anything. Later, people started approaching me to partner up in art competitions because I usually ended up winning one prize or another.
I am and I guess will never ever be the life of the party. I don't like noisy getogethers. I prefer a sit-down dinner, a beach bonfire or a drinking session where you can talk. Not just listen to mind-numbing noisy bands, but talking, about life, love, big ideas, movies, the universe and aliens. I can be the social butterfly but only when I'm in the mood for it. It's a zone I get into or have to get into. I can befriend the most difficult people, but then again, I am also a difficult person. I can instantly 'not like' a person. I can just flare out or transform from calm to war freak in an instant. I can hold a grudge that will never seem to die.
I can make a list of all the achievements I've had. And all the failures. But does that make me an Arian?
Arians blaze ahead in life, armed with big ideas that if or when it doesn't catch on, fizzles (more often than not) to nothing then they move on to the next project. They embrace life with gusto. They are fiery, headstrong and determined. They are courageous and imbued with leadership qualities, ready for action and always looking for exciting things to do. Aries fight for what they believe in and their greatest strenght is overcoming their fear.
I take up Aikido not only because I am facinated with martial arts; I take it because I am not good in movements. I take it because I am short and weak, and Aikido says you can conquer this. I don't take it so that I can beat people up, I honestly believe that I will never be in a situation where it will be of practical use - well, except for the exams. Being there, is a step into conquering my fear. No matter how hard or how slow, I am learning to remember my right from my left.
But I also notice, that my 'drive' is weakening. I'm not as up for adventure as I used to -- weekend campings have lost its appeal. I still, occassionally wall climb, but as I climb, I realize I'm starting to develop a fear of heights. I am not as hasty in making travel plans nor as open in investing in relationships.
Aiki lady tells me that I must have a 'reserve' which I haven't tapped into yet.
Maybe, or maybe the reserve was quite shallow and I've drained it all up.
Or maybe, the accident of my birthdate simply mixed up the faiths...
Am I blazing? Or am I just fizzling?